评海外英译：芙蓉樓送辛漸（唐）王昌齡
芙蓉樓送辛漸（唐）王昌齡
寒雨連江夜入吳，平明送客楚山孤。洛陽親友如相問，一片冰心在玉壺。
这是海外的译文：
See Xinjian off at Lotus Tower
by Wang Changling of Tang Dynasty
Cold rains follow the flowing river to Wu at night,
I see the guest off at dawn and Chu Mountain’s so lonely.
If my kinsfolk in Luoyang inquire after me,
(Say) My ice-pure heart is still in the jade pot1.
我的评论：
(1) rains ---rain 基本文法错误
" "Rains" here is used like a count noun, but it is actually a non-count noun—like "foliage" or "water." It describes a collection of individual things—in this case raindrops (which is a completely different noun)—as one singular, indivisible thing. Therefore it cannot be a plural."
讨论参考：
http://forum.wordreference.com/t ... n-singular.2092851/
(2) The translator misunderstood the meaning of the first line
寒雨連江夜入吳---冷雨洒满江天的夜晚我来到吴地 . 他的译文是指雨到了吴地，不是人到。
(3) 平明没有译出。 时间不清楚。
（4） 这是一首平起入韵的七绝， 吴，孤，壶，押韵。 原译文没有做达意和到押韵，没有诗的美感，就是几句话并凑一起，句与句之间没有联系词。 特别是第一和第二句。
这是我的译文：
Sending Xinjian off in Lotus Tower
by Wang Changling (Tang Dynasty)
Rain poured down to the river from sky,
I arrived at Wu at this cold and rainy night,
then will send you off tomorrow at dawn.
Mt. Chu will feel lonely when you are gone.
if kinsfolk in Luoyang inquire after me,
my heart still in the jade pot as it always be.
押韵规律：AABBCC
刘小曼 译 （初稿）
(七绝也可以译成六行诗的形式. Six line poem example:
http://poetscollective.org/poetryforms/tag/6-lines/ )
白话译文
“冷雨洒满江天的夜晚我来到吴地，天明送走好友只留下楚山的孤影。到了洛阳，如果有亲友向您打听我的情况，就请转告他们，我的心依然像玉壶里的冰一样纯洁，未受功名利禄等世情的玷污。” 资料来自网络
http://bbs.translators.com.cn/forum/cat71/75300-点评id-“海外逸士”-的诗词翻译及我的古典诗词，散文翻译，原创，中英双语文章等，包括“-金缕曲”，“恨赋”-，“蝶恋花”等等?start=40#350329
