An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied your Bible, but you didn't get hair cut!"

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other,

"Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding,"Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great."

"That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

Extremely Quiet 安靜過頭

A cop pulls a drunk motorist over and asks, "Where have you been?"
一警察攔下一名酒醉駕駛人，問道：“你剛才幹甚麼了沒有？”

"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.
醉漢口齒不清的回答：“我上了酒吧嘛。”

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."
警察說：“唔，你好像還喝了不少。”

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
醉漢笑著說：“我一點沒問題。”

"Did you know," says the cop, "that your wife fell out of your car?"
警察又說：“你可知道你太太摔到車外了嗎？”

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
醉漢如釋重負的說：“謝天謝地，我還以為我剛才變聾子了呢。”

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour or gossip.

    Telegram
    Telephone
    Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

本地有个免费报纸Foolish Times， 最近一期登几个老人笑话。其中一个是，牙医为了让一个老女人放松，给她讲笑话说橡皮手套是怎么做出来的：有一大锅橡胶，工人们在里面蘸手，干了以后脱下来就是手套。老女人没有笑，等到做牙的时候，老女人突然哈哈大笑。医生问笑什么？老女人说：我在想避孕套是怎么做出来的。

That's what YOU think !

hahaha...Funny joke