#1 "大伙儿看看, 多好的E-文啊"
"大伙儿看看, 多好的E-文啊"
尚能饭
作为一份专业期刊的特约编委，我刚刚完成对一篇稿件的修改和编辑，去华夏论坛看到thesonlover下面这个帖子，我手里直发痒，好为人师的个性驱使我一口气写了个回帖，或许又得罪了一个人。唉，......
thesonlover写道:
几个月前, SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN 约我给他们将发表的一篇有争议的文章写评论, 准备随该文一起发表. 俺一般不做这种给他人做嫁妆之事, 而且对该文内容不甚了了. 不过想想CND 上有那么多 SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN的忠实读者, 俺也就慷然应偌, 写了如下两段话:
Up to about its primary school days a child thinks, naturally, only of play. But many a form of play contains disciplinary factor. "You can't do this," or "that puts out ," shows a child that it must think, practically, or fail. Now, if, throughout childhood, a brain has no opposition, it is plain that it will attain a position of "status quo," as with our ordinary animals. Man knows not why a cow, dog, or lion was not born with a brain on a par with ours; why such animals cannot add, subtract, or obtain from books and schooling, that paramount position which Man Holds today.
But a human brain is not in that class. Constantly throbbing and pulsating, it rapidly forms opinions; attaining an ability of its own; a fact which is startlingly shown by an occasional child "prodigy" in music or school work. And as, with our dumb animals, a child's inability convincingly to impart its thoughts to us, should not class it as ignorant.
没想到, the associated editor 居然不用俺的评论, 而且不给理由. 俺气不过, 你看不上俺写的东东, 当初就不该来约咱写稿啊. 写了, 你不用, 也得给俺一个说法呀. 不行, 这口气俺咽不下! 于是动用了所有关系, 终于从另一位 associated editor那里得知, 拒绝发表俺的评论是因为他认为俺上面两段E-文犯了very fundamental mistake in English writing. 可具体是什么 fundamental mistake, 他也不肯说. 俺不服呀, 大伙儿看看, 多好的E-文啊, 哪来的错! 您要是看出错来, 一定让俺知道, 让俺心服口服!
尚能饭写道:
Hi there,
Long time no see.
I wish I could say that you were unjustly treated, but I'm afraid that I have to side with that associate editor.
The "very fundamental mistake" in your English writing is your lack of sympathy toward your readers.
To write for an audience is like kissing--you cannot do it alone, you cannot expect to have the pleasure all by yourself, and you have to have your partner's pleasure in your mind (and your heart) as well.
The first time I skimmed over your passages, I did not know what the heck you were talking about! Who would bother to look at them again in this age of information avalanche?!
The basics in any writing is the big ABC: Accuracy, Brevity, Clarity. You have failed miserably in all three categories.
I do not mean to be brutal, but I strive to be honest.
P.S. I'd like to recommend this book to you:
William Zinsser, 1998. On Writing Well: the classic guide to writing nonfiction. Sixth edition. New York: HarperPerennial. 308pp.
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