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标题: [旧作] 大雁 (中文和英译) 上一主题 | 下一主题
格丘山

#1  [旧作] 大雁 (中文和英译)

英译不妥处请指出



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这是一个很多年前的故事,那时我正在北大荒的一个农场中接受劳动改造。我和几
个在文化革命中犯错误的干部被指派到一个湖旁种水稻。

有一天天上飞来一个大雁,大雁在天上飞了几圈,就停到稻地里吃起稻苗来了。它
哪里想到,正有几双饥饿的眼睛盯着它,想把它吞到肚子里。老王是从部队里转业
的,他连夜赶做了一个夹子,下在离稻田不远的地方。这样我们每天都到那里去检
查,连晚上做梦也在想大雁肉。这对于一年都未尝过肉味,肚子里一点油水都没有
的人,是多么不可抗拒的诱惑!可是每天我们看到的都是一个空夹子,大雁再也不
来了。我们也就渐渐忘了它。

有一天,我们走到稻田边,听到彷佛小孩啼哭的声音。我们顺着声音走过去,看到一
个大雁被夹在夹子上,它的腿被夹伤了。我们的高兴自不待言,正当我们要去抓住
这个已在手中的猎物时,我们听到了天上的叫声。声音是那么哀婉,那么焦切,一
只大雁在我们头顶上盘旋着,它一会儿冲向我们, 一会儿又冲向天空。看到那个受
伤的大雁旁边的食物,我们明白了,原来这个雄雁已经受伤好几天了,雌雁每天都
在喂它。一种恻隐之情升到了我们的心里,经过一场言语不多的但是激烈的辩论后,
我们放了那只大雁,

看起来有些滑稽,在那个毫无恻隐之心的年代,几个被社会残酷地压到最底层的,
尤如丧家之犬的劳改分子,却对一只受伤的大雁动了恻隐之情。晚上躺在床上面对
饥饿的肚子的时候,我相信每个人都在懊悔。

但是如果再碰到这个场面,我们也许还会放了它。这许是人性的弱点,也许正是我
们的不可救药之处。

二零零二年于北卡

This is a story from many years ago, while I was in a labor camp as
a prisoner. The camp was located at the border of China and Russia.
The Chinese used to call it the Great Northern Wilderness. I was
assigned to grow rice in a paddy by a lake far from the village center
with several government Cadres who lost their power during the struggle
of the culture revolution.

One day, a wild goose appeared in the sky, and made several circles
around the paddy field. Finally, it descended and began to eat the rice
seedlings. He never thought, that there were several pairs of eager eyes
staring intently at him, anxiously swallowing him whole into the stomach.
One of my coworkers, Lao Wang, retired from the army. That night, he
stayed late to make a trap clamp. When it was done, we put it in the
paddy field. Every day, we all went around the paddy field several times
to assess if the wild goose had been trapped. We dreamed at night of
tasting a wild goose meat. For people who had no taste of any meat all
year round and who had little fat stored in the stomach, the meat of wild
goose was a strong attraction! However, every time, we only saw an empty
clamp. It seemed the wild goose would never come again. Gradually, we
forgot the goose.

After several months had passed, we walked around the paddy field one
afternoon and heard a sound like a child crying. We followed the sound
and found a wild goose on the clamp, his leg gripped and bleeding. Our
happiness could not be imagined. While we were going to the clamp to get
the goose off, we heard a yelling in the sky. Sounds of grief, sounds of
anxiousness, a wild goose circled over our heads. It charged towards us
one moment and then charged into the sky again. We noticed food around
the wounded goose, and we knew exactly what had happened. The male wild
goose had been trapped for several days, and the female wild goose had
been feeding him every day. Compassion rising in hearts, we all were
caught in one affection that was complicated and difficult to express by
words. After a short, but fierce debate, we all agreed to release the
goose.

It seems amusing, in this age, and in time without any sympathy between
human beings, several people being pressed on cruelly by the society
down into the bottom, treated like wandering dogs of the street, without
receiving any sympathy from the people, had given mercy to one wild goose
wounded. I believe, lying on the bed that night, with a hunger to the
abdomen, everyone would feel remorse about what they had done in the day.

However, if this story appears again, we may do the same thing. This
weakness we inherited might be just the incorrigible weakness of our
human nature.


(2010/2)


2011-3-16 21:28
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山豆凡

#2  

最喜欢读这样的故事了。用喜欢这个词不太合适。读得很饥饿。

而且是英语版的,就更加喜欢读了,而且可以认真地一个字一个字地看,不用跳跃,不去忽略(那是我阅读汉字组合的毛病)。

第一段,The at camp was located at the border of China and Russia.,the 和 camp中间多敲了一个at
The Chinese used to call it the Great Northern Wilderness. ,那个it是指那段中俄边境地带,可否把句式改一下,可能会误解成camp

I was assigned to grow rice in a paddy by a lake far from the village center with several government Cadres who lost their power during the struggle of the culture revolution.
是说阁下和几个落马的干部一起被分配到了村郊的稻田里干活。这个英语的句子,稍微有那么一丁点儿扭,是不是句子太长的缘故? 文革斗争,是不是可以换个表达,不用struggle of the culture revolution

谢谢格丘山分享这个好作品。


2011-3-16 21:44
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山豆凡

#3  

那个大雁,很勇敢,像老鹰。你怎么知道那是只雄大雁呢,单个一只一只的时候,我就分辨不出来他们的性别。
He never thought, that there were several pairs of eager eyes staring intently at him, anxiously swallowing him whole into the stomach. 这个句子建议稍做修改,主要是后半部分,囫囵吞进肚子里的那句。
那个时候,不是可以用枪打鸟吗? 飞禽用夹子捉,不好抓。用网来套也行,就是木棍儿支个线拉的大网,人看见鸟钻进去了,就拉木棍。

故事很感人,但我不相信,我要是饿急了,才不会去管鸟类的情感,我要吃肉,不然就活不下去。在那种情况下,我心里也会很难过,但很有可能和其他队友们想方设法把空中另一只大雁也弄下来...

我希望这个故事不是真的,不是readers digest里面为了感化人而有的描述,如果是真的,我会很为自己的冷酷伤心,也会觉得文革或某段历史根本没有想象的那么可怕。


2011-3-16 21:46
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xyy

#4  

  我相信這個故事是真的。無論多麼飢餓,人心的最深處,一定有一塊最柔弱處。



千江漁翁,泠然御風。手揮無絃,目送歸鴻。
2011-3-17 16:18
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格丘山

#5  

谢谢山豆凡 的评论和指出英译的错误。

也谢谢XXY的评论, 这个故事确实是真的, 我们的观念就像是一个网, 用生活去
剪裁它的价值, 反之拿它去检验生活就难免失望。


2011-3-17 17:39
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山豆凡

#6  



引用:
Originally posted by xyy at 2011-3-17 09:18 PM:
  我相信這個故事是真的。無論多麼飢餓,人心的最深處,一定有一塊最柔弱處。

人心当然都有温软的一面。可是,饿得那么厉害,会放过一只逮住的鸟,那怎么说那个时候人都互相背叛,爱人间划清界限,让儿子和老婆当众批斗和羞辱那个亲近了半辈子的男人呢? 那个没有鸟都是人的时刻,人心都变成铁了么? 还是说,人在鸟的绝望里,看到了一面照自己的镜子。不是怜悯,而是反思。


2011-3-17 17:41
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xyy

#7  

  我想這只大雁跟人沒有階級矛盾,所以能觸動人心的柔弱面。此時想起了嚴鳳英,她人都死了,還要對她開膛破肚!這就是山弟說的那個時代。



千江漁翁,泠然御風。手揮無絃,目送歸鴻。
2011-3-18 17:48
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xyy

#8  

  其實小動物都是很有靈性的,只不過人做了“萬物之靈”後,自高自大慣了,沒有機會去悉心體悟罷了。實在罪過。生命生而平等。



千江漁翁,泠然御風。手揮無絃,目送歸鴻。
2011-3-18 17:52
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山豆凡

#9  



引用:
Originally posted by xyy at 2011-3-18 10:48 PM:
  我想這只大雁跟人沒有階級矛盾,所以能觸動人心的柔弱面。此時想起了嚴鳳英,她人都死了,還要對她開膛破肚!這就是山弟說的那個時代。

经历是一笔厚重的财富,我非常羡慕你们,不为经历中的痛苦,而为经历带来的丰富和领悟。

我愿意去读和听很多人生的经历,然而,很多叙述的经历会经过心理折射和再度诠释,而和最初始的样子不太相同,就像,镜头里的图画,和镜头外的那些,都是真的,却真得不一样。


2011-3-18 18:08
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thesunlover

#10  

这年头,“感动”一词已经被用滥糟蹋了,但格兄这篇,还非此二字无以表达阅读后的感受。



因为我和黑夜结下了不解之缘 所以我爱太阳
2012-3-7 19:57
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程宝林

#11  

具有电影镜头般的真实感和强烈的情感冲击力。


2012-3-7 20:10
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thesunlover

#12  

写作特点:语言朴实,与内容对应。



因为我和黑夜结下了不解之缘 所以我爱太阳
2012-3-9 09:05
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fanghuzhai

#13  

One of my coworkers, Lao Wang, retired from the army.

应该改成:

One of my coworkers, Lao Wang, was an army veteran.

原句时态不对。

或者:

LaoWang, one of my coworkers and an army veteran, made a trap...

That night, he
stayed late to make a trap clamp. When it was done, we put it in the
paddy field. Every day, we all went around the paddy field several times
to assess 用see就可以了。 if the wild goose had been trapped. We dreamed at night of
tasting a wild goose meat 删掉 meat. For people who had no taste of any meat all
year round and who had little fat stored in the stomach  肚子里没有油水 翻译太直。, the meat of wild
goose was a strong attraction! 用 temptation. However, every time, we only saw an empty
clamp. It seemed the wild goose would never come again. Gradually, we
forgot the goose.

After several months had passed,  用 later 就可以了。 we walked around the paddy field one
afternoon and heard a sound like a child crying. We followed the sound
and found a wild goose on the clamp, his leg gripped and bleeding. Our
happiness could not be imagined. While we were going to the clamp to get
the goose off, we heard a yelling in the sky. Sounds of grief, sounds of
anxiousness, a wild goose circled over our heads.此句开头的两个词组跟句子主语没有关系。 It charged towards us
one moment and then charged into the sky again. We noticed food around
the wounded goose, and we knew exactly what had happened. The male wild
goose had been trapped for several days, and the female wild goose had
been feeding him every day. Compassion rising in hearts, we all were
caught in one affection that was complicated and difficult to express by
words. After a short, but fierce debate, we all agreed to release the
goose.

It seems amusing, in this age, and in time without any sympathy between
human beings, several people being pressed on cruelly by the society
down into the bottom, treated like wandering dogs of the street, without
receiving any sympathy from the people, had given mercy to one wild goose
wounded. 此句基本结构应该是it seemed amusing that .......


I believe, lying on the bed that night, with a hunger to the
abdomen, everyone would feel remorse about what they had done in the day.

如果你是现在believe, 那从句里的语气应该是推测的:everyone must have felt...


However, if this story 不是story, 而是类似的事,appears again, we may do the same thing. 此句应该用虚拟语气。(Should such a thing happen against, we would have done the same.) This
weakness we inherited might be just the incorrigible weakness of our
human nature. 为什么说是弱点?


2012-3-9 23:32
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格丘山

#14  

谢谢方先生的改动, 所提的都很到位, 下面是新版本


  This is a story from many years ago, while I was in a labor
camp as a prisoner. The camp was located at the border of China
and Russia. The Chinese used to call it the Great Northern
Wilderness. I was assigned to grow rice in a paddy by a lake far
from the village center with several government Cadres who lost
their power during the struggle of the culture revolution.


  One day, a wild goose appeared in the sky, and made several
circles around the paddy field. Finally, it descended and began
to eat the rice seedlings. He never thought, that there were
several pairs of eager eyes staring intently at him, anxiously
swallowing him whole into the stomach. One of my coworkers, Lao
Wang, was an army veteran. That night, he stayed late to make
a trap clamp. When it was done, we put it in the paddy field.
Every day, we all went around the paddy field several times to
see if the wild goose had been trapped. We dreamed at night of
tasting a wild goose. For people who had no taste of any meat
all year round and who had little fat stored in the stomach,
the meat of wild goose was a strong temptation! However, every
time, we only saw an empty clamp. It seemed the wild goose
would never come again. Gradually, we forgot the goose.

  After several months had passed, we walked around the paddy
field one afternoon and heard a sound like a child crying. We
followed the sound and found a wild goose on the clamp, his
leg gripped and bleeding. Our happiness could not be imagined.
While we were going to the clamp to get the goose off, we heard
a yelling in the sky, sounds of grief, sounds of anxiousness.
A wild goose circled over our heads. It charged towards us one
moment and then charged into the sky again. We noticed food
around the wounded goose, and we knew exactly what had happened.
The male wild goose had been trapped for several days, and the
female wild goose had been feeding him every day. Compassion
rising in hearts, we all were caught in one affection that was
complicated and difficult to express by words. After a short,
but fierce debate, we all agreed to release the goose.

  it seemed amusing all this happened at a age and a time
without any sympathy between human beings, several people being
pressed on cruelly by the society down into the bottom, treated
like wandering dogs of the street, without receiving any
sympathy from the people, had given mercy to one wild goose
wounded. I believe, lying on the bed that night, with a hunger
to the abdomen, everyone would feel remorse about what they had
done in the day.

  However, if the same thing would appear again, we might do the
same thing. This weakness we inherited might be just the
incorrigible weakness of our human nature.


2012-3-10 07:43
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格丘山

#15  

这个故事也很有趣(:)



2012-3-10 07:47
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