迴文詩（漢）卓文君

Rondeau-Like Poems
by Zhuo Wenjun of Han Dynasty

春（鶯啼岸柳弄春晴夜月明）

鶯啼岸柳弄春晴， 柳弄春晴夜月明。 明月夜晴春弄柳， 晴春弄柳岸啼鶯。

Spring (oriole, chirp, bank, willow, play, spring, fine, night, moon, bright)

Orioles chirp, bank willows play in fine spring;
Willows play in fine spring, bright moon at night.
Bright moon at night, fine spring plays with willows
Fine spring plays with willows on bank having chirping orioles.

夏（香蓮碧水動風涼夏日長）

香蓮碧水動風涼， 水動風涼夏日長。 長日夏涼風動水， 涼風動水碧蓮香。

Summer (fragrant, lotus, green, water, moving, wind, cool, summer, day, long)

Fragrant lotus, green water moving, wind so cool;
Water moving, wind cool, summer day so long.
Long day, summer so cool, wind moving water;
Cool wind moving water, green lotus fragrant.

秋（秋江楚雁宿沙洲淺水流）

秋江楚雁宿沙洲， 雁宿沙洲淺水流。 流水淺洲沙宿雁， 洲沙宿雁楚江秋。

Autumn (autumn, river, Chu1, geese, sleep, sand, shoal, shallow, water, flow)

At autumn river, Chu1 geese sleeping on sand shoal;
Geese sleeping on sand shoal, shallow water flows.
Flowing water, shallow shoal of sand with sleeping geese;
Shoal of sand with sleeping geese, Chu1 river in autumn.

冬（紅爐透炭炙寒風御隆冬）

紅爐透炭炙寒風， 炭炙寒風御隆冬。 冬隆御風寒炙炭， 風寒炙炭透爐紅。

Winter (red, burner, permeate, charcoal, heating, cold, wind, defy, freezing, winter)

Red burner, permeating charcoal heating cold wind;
Charcoal heating cold wind to defy freezing winter.
In winter so freezing, to defy wind of cold with heating charcoal;
In wind so cold, heat of charcoal permeates the burner red.

阁下翻译得很美妙。
读了几首之后，偶发现一点，您的英语翻译保留了汉语诗的图画感，但是节奏却淡化了。
我感觉，古诗词的节奏是非常重要的，翻译的时候，也应该把握原先的动感和变化。古诗中许多之所以在吟诵的时候会容易让人摇头晃脑，多少是因为节奏还有句和句之间的接连及韵律，虽然不常见 "先是...既而...又来"这样的续接副词，但诗中句句之间仍是环环相扣的，这和现代诗歌中许多抽象派的手法差别很远。
在阅读阁下的英语翻译时，我觉不出明显的韵律和连接，句句之间有时感觉是断开的，跟得很突兀。
古诗可以用来和曲而歌，您的翻译虽然好，但失去了与音符结缘的特性。

以您翻译的第一首为例，虽然英语版本同样重复了春晴，月明，弄柳等词段，但却没有--你拉了我一下，我又牵了她一下，跟着她又扯了你一把--那种节奏和情趣，尽管英语版本中各句的图画感犹在。

以第二首为例，就不单单是古诗中的节奏感在翻译中减弱，而是在翻译时整体的敏感体会所存在的偏差。

古诗经常非常细腻，用词稍稍一变意味便截然不同。因为汉英语言文化的差异，翻译作品时需要考虑更改个别词汇，这不叫作随意或随心而译，而是对原作情感和意境乃至语言的尊重与准确把握。况且，这个"心"是很关键的，也是原作和译文吻合时的喜悦碰撞。

您翻的下面这句，和直译的效果就有类似的地方，而忽略了诗歌的精髓，顾及了表，却错了神采。

香蓮碧水動風涼
Fragrant lotus, green water moving, wind so cool

1) 汉语中的碧水是很清澈的形容，英语中的Green water(绿色的水)则是污染很重的常见表达，或者带有不安全的暗示，Green Water也指雨林地下所积存的水源，诸多理解中，和汉语中的清澈的水仍有相当的距离。当然，在绘画作品中，水的颜色不因为文化阻隔而出现不同。

2) 碧水动风凉是一个语段，有主谓宾和补语或副词结构，而您在翻译green water moving, wind so cool把它断成了两个几乎不相关的部分，原诗有荷花在风中摇摆，碧水随风而动波纹的感觉，翻译之后，这种动态和因果没有见到。

3)動風涼是夏日舒爽的意思，也是原诗所要表达的，而在英语译文中，却直接变成了wind so cool, 这是直译。英语中没有明显前述的情况下，wind so cool给人的感觉是冷凉的情绪，是不舒服的。

简而言之，中华古诗和道家的宝丹很象，能用非常凝练的语言蕴含丰富的内容。当然可以被其他语种翻译，但如果用某种外语的现代语言却加以同样凝缩的外形来进行照镜子似的操作，就难免会有削足适履的结果。

謝謝提出寶貴意見。本人正向更完美的方向努力。中英兩種語言是如此地不同。要把
一種語言裡的美原封不動地搬到另一種語言裡去﹐是很難做到的。凡是過來人都有
這個體會。首先迴文詩在英文裡要保持其迴文特點。失去這個特點﹐即使把其他美
的地方表現出來﹐也就失去翻譯迴文詩的意義。既要表示迴文的特點﹐又要呈現其
他的美。這就力不從心了。如果有人能做到這點﹐就可以做我的師傅了。

阁下说得有道理，迴文诗歌本身的结构保留很重要，但结构后的意味也非常关键。

在下没有翻译过古诗，应该说，尚没有真正翻译其他作者诗歌的经验，这里尝试一下，若错陋不堪，见笑了。

香蓮碧水動風涼， 水動風涼夏日長。 長日夏涼風動水， 涼風動水碧蓮香

Fragrance of lotus ripples through the breezy wind
The ripple following the wind calls the summer long
Long summer day rests in ripples through the breezy wind
Breezy wind sends the fragrance of lotus through the clear ripples

翻译得仓促，略去了几个关键词。

最后一句改为
Breezy wind sends the fragrance of lotus before the ripple's gone
以增强押韵效果

逸士文采斐然j精神可嘉，我也斗胆来凑一下兴吧，见笑。

香蓮碧水動風涼， 水動風涼夏日長。 長日夏涼風動水， 涼風動水碧蓮香。


Fragrant lotus, and jady water, driving wind cooling
Water driving wind cooling, and summer days elongating
Elongated summer days, and cooled wind, driving water
Cooled wind driving water jady, and lotus fragrant

对啊，我对这个汉语里的碧水青山也理解为水如碧玉般清澈也带相似的颜色，而山，就是带些蓝又很模糊的意思了。

Jade是贴切的比喻，但Jady Water就静了一些(凝固的成分较重)，觉得要增加动感，去和荷花飘香呼应。

现把之前翻的那个做了整理，加入碧水的含义。

Fragrance of lotus ripples the soft jade through the breezy wind
The ripple with the drifting wind calls the summer long
Long summer day rests in ripples through breezy wind
Breezy wind sends the fragrance of lotus before the ripple’s gone

这首诗在现代汉语的理解也许可以表达为，

凉风习习中，莲花飘香，清波荡漾，
涟漪和风的清凉，搭着夏日的漫长
夏日的热炎，淡入了波纹和清风的舒畅
拂动水面的清风，再散莲花的清香

我感觉的大概意思是这样的。如果把这首古诗的外语(英语或其他)版本的现代语言再直接回头翻译成汉语的现代语言，假使没有办法理解和阅读，那么那个最初的翻译是不太恰当的，这也许是诗歌和电子产品说明书之间存在的差别吧。

在下以为，诗歌或文学的翻译，不是用手和眼睛来完成的。它在不同语言之间的传达应该要复杂许多，但也会自然许多。

当然，阁下翻译得很好。如果配以筝曲和山水录影或国画，慢慢吟诵断开的英语句子，自然能让人体会其中的意境和玄妙。

只是，原诗的作者本来没有那么多玄妙。他也许不过在酒后微醉的时候，信步莲花池旁，对着爱宠逗了那么一首，被她收藏起来，点了粉脂和胭红，再又流传下来了。

我把上面自己试译的那个ripples the soft jade再作改动，soft jade对于本土居民来说容易误理解成另一种形象。
再于第二句首加一个副词While表示适度转折。要不然那一句来得太突然，怎么就莲香水动风凉的就一下开始夏日长了。

改为
Fragrance of lotus drifts over the ripple in the breezy wind
或者

Fragrance of lotus chases the ripple in the breezy wind,
While the ripple with the drifting wind calls the summer long.
Long summer day rests in ripples through breezy wind,
Breezy wind sends the fragrance of lotus before the ripple’s gone.

謝謝兩位和譯。BREEZY和WIND用一起﹐是否有些重複了﹖

的确有重复的地方。本来想直接用Breeze，可是Breeze有些柔软轻细，不容易带动诗里的涟漪(水动)，缺少吹拨的力度。后来就用了Breezy wind, 把风做了修饰，掺了点生快新鲜的感觉。

草堂詩（三國）諸葛亮

大夢誰先覺﹐平生我自知。草堂春睡足﹐窗外日遲遲。

Poem of Thatched Hut
by Zhuge Liang of Three Kingdoms period

Who will wake up first from the Dream?
Myself know what my life is.
I have enough of spring sleep in my hut;
The sun outside windows comes up so belated.

夜還東溪（唐）王績

石苔應可踐，叢枝幸易攀。青溪歸路直，乘月夜歌還。

Back to East Brook at Night
by Wang Ji of Tang Dynasty

The moss on stones must be able to step on;
The boughs on trees are luckily easy to hold.
The way back by the green brook is straight;
I return at night under the moon, singing.

芙蓉樓送辛漸（唐）王昌齡

寒雨連江夜入吳，平明送客楚山孤。洛陽親友如相問，一片冰心在玉壺。

See Xinjian off at Lotus Tower
by Wang Changling of Tang Dynasty

Cold rains follow the flowing river to Wu at night,
I see the guest off at dawn and Chu Mountain’s so lonely.
If my kinsfolk in Luoyang inquire after me,
(Say) My ice-pure heart is still in the jade pot1.

錢塘湖春行（唐）白居易

孤山寺北賈亭西，水面初平雲腳低。幾處早鶯爭暖樹，誰家新燕啄春泥。
亂花漸欲迷人眼，淺草才能沒馬蹄。最愛湖東行不足，綠楊陰里白沙堤。

Loiter in Spring by Qiantang Lake
by Bai Juyi of Tang Dynasty

To the north of Lonely Hill Temple, to the west of Jia Arbor,
The lake surface just gets smooth and clouds hang low.
In how many places do early orioles vie for warm trees?
Of whose home do new swallows peck spring soil?
Motley flowers are gradually confusing eyesight.
Short grass can just cover the hooves of horses.
I love to saunter at the east of the lake,
On White Sand Dyke under the green shade of poplars.

我不会英语，但是我很佩服能用英语翻译中国古代诗歌的人，您一定是吃了很多辛苦的！

但是我很同意这样的比喻：“中华古诗和道家的宝丹很象，能用非常凝练的语言蕴含丰富的内容。”

樂遊原 (唐) 李商隱

向晚意不適,驅車登古原.夕陽無限好,只是近黃昏.

Plateau of Happy Tour
by Li Shangyin of Tang Dynassty

I don’t feel happy towards evening,
And ride in a coach up the ancient plateau.
The setting sun is so beautiful;
Only it’s nigh to twilight.

望天门山（唐）李白

天门中断楚江开，碧水东流至此回。两岸青山相对出，孤帆一片日边来。

Watching Heavenly Gate Mountain
by Li Bai of Tang Dynasty

Heavenly Gate split open in the middle for Chu River;
The blue water flowing east will flow back from here.
The verdant mountains on either bank rise opposite;
A lonely sail comes from the side of the sun.

勞勞亭（唐）李白

天下傷心處，勞勞送客亭。春風知別苦，不遣柳條青。

Laolao Arbor
by Li Bai of Tang Dynasty

The heartbroken place under heaven
Is Laolao Arbor where to see guests off.
The vernal wind knowing the parting sorrow,
Won’t let the willow twigs turn green.

井欄砂宿遇夜客 （唐）李涉

暮雨瀟瀟江上村﹐綠林豪客夜知聞。他時不用相迴避﹐世上於今半是君。

Lodging at Jinglansha & Meeting Nocturnal Visitors1
by Li She of Tang Dynasty

Evening rains patter in the village at the river;
Brave men of green woods1 visit me at night.
Don’t shun each other if meeting again in future,
As half of people nowadays are of your nature.

[1] Both mean the outlaw. The poet was an official being demoted and went to his new office. On the way he met some outlaws at night. When they knew he was a good official, they did not rob him, but asked for a poem written for them as a memento. Hence, the poem.

月夜憶舍弟（唐）杜甫

戍鼓斷人行，邊秋一雁聲。露從今夜白，月是故鄉明。
有弟皆分散，無家問死生。寄書長不達，況乃未休兵。

Think of My Brothers at Moon Night
by Du Fu of Tang Dynasty

No travelers go where the war drums sound;
The cry of a wild goose in autumn at the frontier.
Dews look white from tonight on;
The moon is bright only in homeland.
Having brothers, but all separated;
No home to care for dead or alive.
Letters mailed oft don’t arrive for a long time,
In addition that there’s no truce yet.

旅夜書怀（唐）杜甫

細草微風岸，危牆獨夜舟。星垂平野闊，月涌大江流。
名豈文章著，官應老病休。飄飄何所似，天地一沙鷗。

Writing of my Feelings at Night of Traveling
by Du Fu of Tang Dynasty

The tender grass in the breeze on the shore;
The single boat with a towering mast at night.
Flat fields so wide with stars looking vertically hanging;
The great river flowing with the moon emerging in it.
My fame’s not gained because of my essays;
I’d resign from office for old age and disease.
What am I roaming and roving like?
A gull on sands between heaven and earth.

虽看不了英译版，却借此重温一下古诗古韵，也还是很有收益的。谢谢海外逸士！

赠花卿（唐）杜甫

锦城丝管日纷纷，半入江风半入云。
此曲只应天上有，人间能得几回闻。

Poem Given to Hua Qing
by Du Fu of Tang Dynasty

In Jin Town string and wind instruments played all day long;
Its sound goes half into winds on the river and half into clouds.
This tune should have only been played in Heaven;
How many times can it be heard on Earth?

客至（唐）杜甫

舍南舍北皆春水﹐但見群鷗日日來。花徑未曾緣客掃﹐蓬門今始為君開。
盤飧市遠無兼味﹐樽酒家貧只舊醅。肯與鄰翁相對飲﹐隔籬呼取盡餘杯。

A Guest Coming
by Du Fu of Tang Dynasty

There’s spring water to the south and north of my abode;
I see a group of gulls coming everyday.
My flowery path never swept for any visitors;
But today my wooden door opens for you.
As market place’s so far, my dish is always simple.
In my poor home, the cup contains only old scummy wine.
If don’t mind drinking with my old neighbor,
I’ll call him over the fence for the remaining wine.