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舞曼西楼

#1  Net

Net

Enveloped with scars  
The impermeable net of mine
When I stare into the distance
My fingers comb the winter
As waves slip through time

For saving a few shining shells
I salvage all my life
But I lost the rhythm-breath
Of the ocean tide
Even I bend my devout knee
To worship
I yet can’t keep the wings
From flight

Every perfect knot is a cross on the net
Followed with another one
Extremely tight
I give up un-knotting
With my tiring hands
As the fish have been caught
On a foreign land
Before the windy season arrives

The lighthouse marks
My last defense
And the surge has walked
Out of the sunset
Slowly I close
My widely opened eyes
From the net’s first opening
I come into the ocean of your heart
And deeply, deeply hide



http://blog.wenxuecity.com/myindex.php?blogID=6643
2007-3-14 23:57
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文取心

#2  

英文比中文版好。


2007-3-15 00:41
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舞曼西楼

#3  

谢谢文取心君!我没有完全直译,而是把自己写此诗的原意放了进去,便于理解。也许要根据英文版再回去改中文版了:)


2007-3-15 01:24
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三川

#4  

这个我同意。翻译时,要考虑诗歌的风格,稍微偏离原作是必要的,特别是翻译自己的诗作,知道想要什么意境。
咱也有中英对照的诗,大胆翻译一下,保持搞笑的效果,而不是直译。虽然受到批判,咱也觉得是成功!!!

引用:
Originally posted by 舞曼西楼 at 2007-3-15 06:24 AM:
我没有完全直译,而是把自己写此诗的原意放了进去,便于理解。也许要根据英文版再回去改中文版了:)



2007-3-15 06:39
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