玫瑰香残紫罗凋，蜂已飞过，夕阳杳杳。
拈花之手将何在？夏日犹见，转瞬魂消。
墓园之地长眠处，请君替我，落花勤扫。
且拾一片凋零瓣，呢喃软语，为我祈祷。”作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2015-4-23 19:47 长袖善舞。牛人。艾米丽狄金森的诗最近也读了一些。作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2015-4-23 23:50 Part Three: Love
XXXIX
WHEN roses cease to bloom, dear,
And violets are done,
When bumble-bees in solemn flight
Have passed beyond the sun,
The hand that paused to gather
Upon this summer’s day
Will idle lie, in Auburn,—
Then take my flower, pray!作者: fanghuzhai 时间: 2015-4-24 10:39 艾米莉那首本来是这里的：
此后多少闲暇时，独卧长椅空凝思。
难得内省观自在，心同水仙乐难支。
The Daffodils
William Wordsworth
I wander’d lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host , of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky way,
They stretch’d in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay
In such a jocund company!
E gaze –and gazed –but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2015-4-24 18:10 你在翻译的时候应该是把每个句子都Paraphrase一遍？ 然后再再表达--- 结果就成了现在的译本。 因为原诗是24行，你的译文是16行。作者: fanghuzhai 时间: 2015-4-24 18:27 原来xiaoman是mutual friend.
我用中国古诗翻译的时候，要考虑到这种体裁的特点。英诗比较散，中诗比较密。作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2015-4-24 18:43 You took the words right out of my mouth.
Mountains
Did not blunt their blades when they pierced the sky
As the sky was falling
It was held by the mountains.作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2015-4-24 19:18 我猜我说的气势/气场指诗人要表达的某种强烈的心情，比如愤慨， 冗长的英语怎样表达作者短平快的愤慨？ 譬如岳飞的【满江红】？作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2015-4-24 19:23 我觉得长恨歌，烧炭翁等长诗可以用14，16，24行。。。等格式。但激愤的就不合适，这是我所说“看情况拉打散”
好比吵架在吵架过程中，给力的打断对方都是简洁的。不是吗？ ：）作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2015-4-24 20:34 这是我翻译的苏轼【满庭芳】 读者的留言， 我没有问，不知道他们是否理解得透。。。 http://www.writingforums.com/threads/148280-A-Translated-Poem-Sweet-Smell-Around-Us
基本上，我理解你说的英语是形体散而汉语可以是词缺神韵/意在，绝对的准确是很难做得到的。但汉译英时候得看情况，
譬如，两个词成一句的不能整成10个音节的英语句。这样失去原诗的“形体”美。 还有，我觉得14行诗得翻译成14行的形状，押韵格式也要尽量做到原诗的那种Rhyming Scheme押韵格式，不能压缩翻译成7言或7律。因为不懂英语的读者会问：这是14行诗吗？它只有7行啊。。。它原诗特点是什么？押韵格式如何？译者怎样解释？ 反之亦然，英语读者会问：这是『南乡子』？它原诗特点是什么？Rhyming Scheme 是怎样的？ 译者又如何解释？
我初学翻译诗词，感觉这些地方比较Confused所以有这些问题Hope you won't mind ：）希望你不介意并继续讨论。我很感兴趣这个话题。
