标题: 不要危害英语初学者 [打印本页]
作者: 徐英才 时间: 2016-7-2 09:15 标题: 不要危害英语初学者
海外逸士，你能不能在你的Adventure of a US Girl in Ancient China 前面加一个"英语习作"之类的话，不然初学英语的人把你的英语当范本，对他们的影响很坏。
下面我把你第一段里的一些明显的错误指出来。
你的第一段原文：
The day broke fine and clear. The sun showed his ruddy face above the horizon and clambered out by degrees. His face then turned radiant and dazzling. It was the Valentine Day in 2004—the day for lovers to meet. Linda was a blonde with sky-blue eyes and a model's figure, exactly the type akin to a goddess in Greek mythology. She was a senior in a local high school in Bergen County, New Jersey, a girl full of fanciful whim. But she could still use her reason to deal with everything in reality and could restrain herself against impulses. She was also a cheerleader and a member of astronomy society in the school.
原文：The day broke fine and clear.
这里有两个错：
1. 语法错。Break不是半个联系动词，后面不可跟形容词fine和clear.
2. 累赘。The day broke本身就是太阳出来的意思，不必加上fine and clear.
原文：The sun showed his ruddy face above the horizon and clambered out by degrees.
1. clamber是艰难地爬。既然第一句(The day broke fine and clear)营造的是轻松的气氛，这里何以要为难太阳，让它艰难地爬上去呢？第一句和第二句营造的气氛矛盾，冲突。
2. “clambered out”? Out of what? 它已经在地平线上了(The sun showed his ruddy face above the horizon)，还要out什么？
3. 中文词典虽然把by degrees解释为“逐步地”，但它的精确意思是“逐级”。为什么要让太阳逐级上升呢？太阳不是一个台阶一个台阶上升的。从我们的体验来说，它是自然匀称地上升的。
原文：His face then turned radiant and dazzling
这又跟clamber矛盾了。那么艰难地逐级攀爬，还能那么喜气洋洋(radiant)吗?
原文：It was the Valentine Day in 2004—the day for lovers to meet.
1. Valentine Day应该是Valentine’s Day。
2. “the day for lovers to meet”这个定义不清楚，难道Valentine’s Day 就是for lovers to meet? Meet to talk还是 to negotiate还是to fight? Valentine's Day 的含义比这广泛得多。
原文：Linda was a blonde with sky-blue eyes and a model's figure, exactly the type akin to a goddess in Greek mythology.
1. Linda 可以with sky-blue eyes，但不能with a model’s figure. 应该是got a model figure。
2. model's figure应该是model figure
3. 到底是a model figure还是a goddess figure? Model figure跟a goddess figure 给人的联想是不同的。
原文：She was a senior in a local high school in Bergen County, New Jersey, a girl full of fanciful whim.
Whim是可数名词，这里要加s。她是full of。
原文：But she could still use her reason to deal with everything in reality and could restrain herself against impulses.
1. Chinese English
2. deal with everything in reality累赘。deal with reality就可以了。
3. restrain herself against impulses累赘。Restrain herself就可以了。当然， 这个restrain也不好。
原文：he was also a cheerleader and a member of astronomy society in the school.
她也是a cheerleader ... of astronomy society? Astronomy society也要cheerleader?
作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2016-7-2 13:08
。
作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2016-7-2 13:59
"the day for lovers to meet. " 作者意思是： 那是情侣们相会的日子。
redundant, Chinese thinking 多余的描述，中式思维。作者认为情人节就为情人而定的节日。 英语读者反应：夫妻呢？老公，老婆不相会吗？ 情人节不是专为“loverS" 的， 学校的学生互相送卡和送卡给父母是节日传统，这些文化背景需要了解。
设什么擂台，吹牛这种行为误人害己，自我炒作没下限，谢谢各位尊敬的老师对这种作为的严格打击。
作者: 海外逸士 时间: 2016-7-3 08:13
The first sentence is the pattern I learned from "Of human bondage" by Maugham: The day broke dark and grey.
作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2016-7-3 08:45
你用不对。出示证据，废话少讲。(老同志的语气）
作者: 徐英才 时间: 2016-7-3 08:50
Originally posted by 海外逸士 at 2016-7-3 08:13:
The first sentence is the pattern I learned from "Of human bondage" by Maugham: The day broke dark and grey.
那用的是the day broke的反意，别出心裁。既然有大作家这么用，我接受这个结构。但 the day broke fine and clear 是累赘这一点是不错的。the day broke 本身就是“破晓“， 出太阳，好天气的意思。
作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2016-7-3 11:59
我意思也是这个。刚勿勿。偶然对书抄对了也没什么，但余下他自己写的错误那叫多。
作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2016-7-3 12:05
总的来说老同志拼命学是对的。但他不正确的态度是防障他进步的东西。
作者: Xiaoman 时间: 2016-7-4 09:37
译坛奇景
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