A mountain needn't be high; It is famous so long as there is a deity on
it. A lake needn't be deep; It has supernatural power so long as there is
a dragon in it. My home is humble, But it enjoys the fame of virtue so long
as I am living in it. The moss creeping onto the doorsteps turns them green.
The color of the grass reflected through the bamboo curtains turns the room
blue. Erudite scholars come in good spirits to talk with me, And among my
guests there is no unlearned common man. In this humble room, I can enjoy
playing my plainly decorated qin, or read the Buddhist Scriptures quietly,Without
the disturbance of the noisy that jar on the ears, or the solemn burden
of reading official documents. My humble home is like the thatched hut of
Zhuge Liang of Nanyang, or the Pavilion Ziyun of Xishu. Confucius once said:
"How could we call a room humble as long as there is a virtuous man in it?"
(羅經國) 首二句構成平行﹐結構處理較好。但太嚕囌﹐就沒了氣勢和節奏感。“草
色”句﹐譯文說整個房間都青了﹐太誇張。應該是從內透過簾子向外看﹐一片青色。
談笑與 in good spirits 有出入的。不確切。往來之意並非只指guests。不確切。
In this humble room多餘。Scripture大寫就指聖經。這裡要大寫嗎﹖應該用noise﹐
of後須用名詞。jar後應該加s﹐第三人稱單數。都屬低級語法錯誤。solemn多餘。
“勞形”沒譯出來。Liang原文沒有。of應該改成in Nanyang。Pavilion後面需加of。
後面的of也應改成in。總之﹐除了不簡潔﹐還有語法錯誤。當然談不上節奏感與氣
勢。丁等。
2) AN EPIGRAPH FOR MY HUMBLE ROOM
A mountain has a fame not for its height, but for a deity being in it. A
lake has a spirit not for its depth, but for a dragon being in it. My room,
although simple and humble, is famous for my virtues. Here, moss kisses
the steps, and green grass catches the eyes. Confabbing here are all erudite
men but shallow people. Here I can play my undecorated qin (a Chinese zither),
and read diamond sutra, neither interrupted by such noises as from those
silk-string and woodwind instruments, nor exhausted by official documents.
My room, famous for my virtues, like Zhuge Liang's Thatched Cottage in Nanyang
and Ziyun's Pavilion in western Shu, is just described as Confucius said:"How
can such a room be simple and humble?"
(Tr by Yan Linhai) 開頭兩句雖能用平行結構﹐但太嚕囌。spirit 一詞用錯。這
裡不是指精靈﹐是指靈異﹐靈氣。“馨”不是famous。“苔痕”“草色”兩句有點
亂譯。後兩句也亂譯。好的譯法至少應該用平行句﹐以對應原文。“金”指金櫃﹐
藏佛經用的。金經代指佛經。不能用diamond﹐理解錯誤﹐因而用詞錯誤。總之﹐不
簡潔﹐還有各種錯誤。丁等
3) An Eulogium on a Humble Cell--CELL一詞不能指文中之陋室
A mount needs not be high; it becomes noted when on it fairies dwell. A
body of water needs not be deep; it would be ensouled, if a dragon makes
it its resting whereabouts. This hut of mine is a humble one, but I make
it virtuously fragrant in repute. The green moss creeping on the stepping
stones and the verdure in the courtyard peeing through the screen do tell
the presence of spring. Here could be heard the table-talks and laughters
of renowned scholars, but the rough and gross come not hither their wares
to sell. Here plain table-heptachord could be plucked and golden classics
read the worldly cares to quell. But there are without riotous strings and
pipes to confuse the ears, and tedious official documents to ring quietude's
knell.
Zhuge's recluse cottage at Nanyang and Yang Xiong's hermit arbour in West
Shu, — according to Confucius, wherefore could either one of them be branded
as a humble cell?
(stephen) Tr. August 17, 1980 mount一詞現在基本用在山名前或詩中﹐這裡以mountain較
妥。說明這位譯者對確切選用詞彙沒有概念。開頭四句原文就沒譯好。非但不簡潔﹐
句間銜接也不好。resting whereabouts讀上去怪怪的。說明譯者還不懂詞彙的搭配
問題。其後的翻譯就是亂譯﹐且嚕囌。已失去句句點評的興趣。總之﹐不及格。
4) Inscription For My Shabby Hut
Mountains need not always be high, They're famed if therein fairies abide.
Waters need not always be deep, They'e hallowed where dragons are spied.
This is a simple, mean abode,
Only my virtue lends it fragrance. Moss smears a fringe of green upon The
stone steps forming the terrace; And peering through the screen, there throbs
The emerald of the lush grass. Great scholars drop in casually, And talk
and laugh in abandoned ways; While in this cordial company Nonentities have
ne'er a place. The ancient zither we might play, Or golden-lettered scriptures
peruse. No concert bands our ears confuse, And no official files await Our
tackling—to excruciate. To Zhuge's cottage at Nanyang, Or Ziyun's pavilion
in Sichuan, mine may well be compared. So, as Confucius once had said, "How
could it be considered mean?"
(孫大雨) hallowed非靈之意。forming the terrace多餘。不知為什麼“草”要用
動作詞來做謂語。in abandoned ways形容過度﹐原文無此意。golden-lettered指
金(經)﹐理解錯誤。總之﹐不簡潔﹐結構不對應。不是好譯。在我以往的評論中﹐
常發現有些名人的翻譯也有不足之處。想來他們的英文應該已經達到了高水平﹐可
能他們沒以認真嚴肅的態度來對待經典詩詞古文的翻譯。丙等
本人英譯﹕
Eulogy on My Humble Abode
Known will hills be if fairies dwell, no matter high or low; and charmed
will waters be if dragons lurk, no matter deep or shallow. A humble abode
though this is, my virtues make it smell sweet. Verdant are the stonesteps
overgrown with moss, and green seems the screen as the grass seen through
it. I chat and laugh only with great scholars and have no intercourse with
the ignorant. I can play simple zither and read Buddhist sutras; no string
and bamboo instruments to grate on my ears and no government documents to
weary my mortal form. That's what like Zhuge's cottage in Nanyang and Ziyun'
s pavilion in Xishu as Confucius quoth, "How canth it be humble?"
自評﹕原文首四句這樣譯法﹐雖然不對應﹐但有氣勢﹐有較強節奏感﹐並且low 與
shallow 押韻。現在按對應的譯法﹐在這裡補充一下﹕
Hills, no matter how high, will be known if fairies dwell. Waters, no matter
how deep, will be charmed有靈異 if dragons lurk.作者: 廖康 时间: 2011-8-27 09:54 你怎么评，随便。但给人家定级，又无等级标准，信口胡说，就难免惹恼看客。你自己的翻译，虽然建立在前辈之上，相比之下，却是最差的，根本不入流。且看这第一句：
Known will hills be if fairies dwell, no matter high or low; and charmed
will waters be if dragons lurk, no matter deep or shallow.
动词dwell不及物，你把它当及物动词用，漏掉了介词，错误。后面lurk也是不及物动词，两个错。短语no matter high or low，你的所谓省略让英美读者不知所云，不知道你是说山呢，还是仙呢。后面no matter deep or shallow也犯了同样错误，人家读不懂你是说水呢，还是说龙呢。看看前人的翻译，大家就知道，没有你这样省略的，而且这次不是诗歌，你的护身符更不管用了。还有charmed，过去分词，表示被迷住，而非迷人，更非“灵”。以前老方就指出过你这个错误，你还是不懂。一句翻译五个错，鸡蛋一敲开就臭气熏人，不必多尝了吧？作者: 海外逸士 时间: 2011-8-28 09:15 我本來對翻譯文章是不評級的。你說了我就偏來個評級的。你能把我怎麼﹖
你基礎語法這麼好﹐問你個問題﹕介詞OF的同位格用法是怎麼回事﹐舉個例子。說不
出﹐以後別來跟我說語法。作者: 廖康 时间: 2011-8-29 10:27 名詞1 + of + 名詞2 還可表示同位格關係，此時 of 意為「就是；等於」(that is; being)；以 the City of New York (紐約市) 為例，New York 就是 city，而這個 city 就是 New York。其他例子還有 at the age of ten (10 歲時)，the art of painting (繪畫藝術)，the problem of unemployment (失業問題)，a price increase of 20 percent (百分之二十的價格上漲)，some fool of a boy (= some foolish boy，某位蠢男孩) 等等。在這種名詞1 + of + 名詞2的同位格關係中，名詞1 和 名詞2 之間相當於劃上了等號。
It has nothing to do with your problems here. Your translation has so many basic grammatical problems that English readers do not know what you were trying to say. Nowadays it is so easy to get a grammar point explained but it is still hard to use a language right. You need to refresh your basic English.
Originally posted by thesunlover at 2011-8-30 09:42 PM:
我不大懂，是真的不懂而不是懂装不懂：逸士什么时候考不上研究生了？没考上大陆的研究生吗？那倒不一定是水平问题，比如说政治课没考过、受到年龄歧视、思想觉悟、生活作风有问题等等，大陆高校的不少主管叫兽很搞..
Originally posted by thesunlover at 2011-8-30 01:42 PM:
我不大懂，是真的不懂而不是懂装不懂：逸士什么时候考不上研究生了？没考上大陆的研究生吗？那倒不一定是水平问题，比如说政治课没考过、受到年龄歧视、思想觉悟、生活作风有问题等等，大陆高校的不少主管叫兽很搞..
作者: 廖康 时间: 2011-8-30 22:45 我来替逸士解个难题吧。两天了，他找不到charmed water的例子。英国浪漫主义诗人柯勒律治的《古舟子吟》The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge 第四章有如下一段：
Her beams bemocked the sultry main,
Like April hoar-frost spread;
But where the ship's huge shadow lay,
The charméd water burnt alway
A still and awful red.
Originally posted by thesunlover at 2011-8-31 03:24 PM:
对于那些起先自费出版后来得到公众认可的作品（其中不乏杰作），当然羡慕或者用你说的妒忌。羡慕与否，不在于作品的出版方式，而在于作品的内容。其实世俗公众的认可也不是羡慕的前提。只要自己感觉好，不论公众认..
Famed will mountains be where fairies dwell, be they high or low;
Charmed will waters [sic] be where dragons lurk, deep or shallow.
A humble abode is my place indeed,
My virtues make it sweet though
Verdant are the stone steps overgrown with moss,
Green are the screens invaded by the sight of the grass
I chat and laugh with great scholars only
The ignorant have no place in my alley
Here I can play a simple zither or
Chant the lines from Buddhist sutras
No strings and tubes to grate on my ears
No official reports to take away my years
Zhuge's cottage and Ziyun's pavilion are the likes of mine
Confucius would have described it as perfectly fine.
Hill is not high, but the immortal name. Water does not have to be deep. Sri Lanka is a shabby homes, but I Dexin. Taihen on the order of green,
Green grass into the curtain. Talk and laugh with Hongru, contacts without STOMATOLOGY. You can adjust Su-Qin, read by Kim. No wind and the chaos of the ear, no
The case of slips of the labor-shaped. Nanyang Zhuge Cottage, West Sichuan sub Yunting. Confucius says: "How ugly can that be?"作者: 杨林 时间: 2011-9-1 01:46 老方的翻译，在我这个外行的看来，比逸士的读起来顺溜些。
“灵”字很难翻译，逸士举的几个例子（包括逸士的charmed）都差强人意。
引用:
Originally posted by fanghuzhai at 2011-8-31 03:01 PM:
斗胆改老逸士：
Eulogy on My Humble Abode
Famed will mountains be where fairies dwell, be they high or low;
Charmed will waters [sic] be where dragons lurk, deep or shallow.
A humble ab..
