1) Returning Home
Let me go back home!
My fields will get desolate, “園”漏譯
Why not go back home?
Since I myself let my heart be a slave to my body,
Why should I be so full of melancholy?“獨”字漏譯
I am aware the past cannot be retrieved,
but the future can be repaired.
In fact I have not gone too far astray.
Lightly my boat was rowed and rowed, “rowed”非輕揚之意
and gently my gown by the wind was up rolled. 把衣之下襬吹得飄飄然﹐不是
捲起來
I asked the passengers about the way ahead,
complaining the dawn was still faint over my head.最後三詞多餘
Discerning my humble hut,
I quickened my steps with delight.
Servants to welcome me all came out,
and children were waiting at the gate.
I found the garden paths were covered with weeds
while pines and chrysanthemums still survived.
I carried my children into the house by the hand, 攜幼﹐應是最小的。不能
是children複數。
glad to see on the table wine cups were laid .
I raised the cup and drank the wine with my hand. “壺”字漏譯。最後三詞
多餘。
watching my garden trees with pleasure. “怡顏”沒譯好
I leaned against the southern window, “寄傲”漏譯
I was content with my small hut, to be sure. “審”“容膝”都漏譯。最後三
詞多餘。
In walking everyday in the garden I took pleasure.
A gate was provided, but it was always closed.
I walked with a stick, and took a rest whenever I felt tired.最後四詞原文
沒有﹐不需加上
Occasionally I raised my head to look at the distant cloud, 未必看雲。蛇
足。
which had no intention to float out of the mountain side. “雲”字應放這
句裡
Even birds knew to return to the woods when they were tired. 原文沒說還哪
裡
The day was getting dark and the sun began to set in the west side. 嚕囌
I caressed a lone pine tree and lingered around.“撫”想來只是把手按在上
面。不會真的撫摸松樹。
Let me go back home
and cease to make social contact with the world outside.不最確切
Since world customs are at variance with my temper,
why should I go out to seek fame and fortune?“焉求”未必指名利
I should be pleased with my relatives' familiar looks, “情話”不是looks。
and I can amuse myself with music and books.“消憂”漏譯
Peasants will tell me spring is coming, 這句該用從句﹐不須will。
and they will be busy at farming. 將有事于西疇的應該是作者﹐並接下句。錯
譯
I may ride in a curtained cart
or row a lonely boat.
I may follow a winding stream quiet and serene to arrive at an open valley
clean. 嚕囌
I may also follow a rugged path to reach a hill-top at length. 非“經丘”
之意
Trees are thriving and vigorous,
While springs flow murmuring and look marvelous.最後三詞多餘
I marvel; everything comes out at the right time,不應用分號。動詞應帶賓語。
and I lament: my life will draw to a close at any time.
Let it be! Let it be﹗
How long can I live in the universe?
Why not decide my fate according to my own wish?人不能自己決定命運的。錯
譯
Where do you head for in such a hurry against your wish? 最後三詞多餘
Since wealth and honors are not my wish,
and the fairyland is out of reach,
I only wish to travel alone on a fine day;
or my stick on the roadside lay, and go to the field to cut hay.植杖不是
lay﹐耘耔不是cut hay
Or climb up the eastern hill high To relieve a long sigh.“嘯”不是sigh
Or sit by a clear river side, composing poems worthy of my pride. 未必
“坐”。最後四詞蛇足。
Let me abide by the law of nature to lead a life of nature.“歸盡”漏譯
Let me submit to the will of Heaven and be content with my fate forever!
“forever”多餘。
(譯者 未知) 除不妥處外﹐讀來鬆散﹐不簡潔。
2) 題缺
Ah, homeward bound I go! Why not go home, seeing that my field
and gardens are overgrown? Myself have made my soul serf to my body: why
have vain regrets and mourn alone?
用homebound即可。overgrow只是長滿之意。沒“蕪”的確切意思。
Fret not over bygones and the forward journey take. Only a short distance
have I gone astray, and I know today I am right, if yesterday was a complete
mistake.
“來者”實際指未來歲月﹐非journey之意。
Lightly floats and drifts the boat, and gently flows and flaps my gown.
I inquire the road of a wayfarer, and sulk at the dimness of the dawn.
Then when I catch sight of my old roofs, joy will my steps quicken. Servants
will be there to bid me welcome, and waiting at the door are the greeting
children.
Gone to seed, perhaps, are my garden paths, but there will still be the
chrysanthemums and the pines! I shall lead the youngest boy in by the land,
and on the table there stands a cup full of wine!這兩段應該是一路上的情景﹐
不需用將來時態。
Holding the pot and cup I give myself a drink, happy to see in the courtyard
the hanging bough. I lean upon the southern window with an immerse satisfaction,
and note that the little place is cozy enough to walk around. “seed”或
是weed之誤。寄傲不是satisfaction。原文沒有walk around之意。
The garden grows more familiar and interesting with the daily walks. What
if on one ever knocks at the always closed door! Carrying a cane I wander
at peace, and now and then look aloft to gaze at the blue above. WHAT句不
確切。on或是no之誤。遐觀未必看天。
There the clouds idle away from their mountain recesses without any intent
or purpose, and birds, when tired of their wandering flights, will think
of home. Darkly then fall the shadows and, ready to come home, I yet fondle
the lonely pines and loiter around. 將入﹐指日將入﹐不指人將回家。
Ah, homeward bound I go! Let me from now on learn to live alone! The world
and I are not made for one another, and why drive round like one looking
for what he has not found?
Content shall I be with conversations with my own kin, and there will be
music and books to while away the hours. The farmers will come and tell
me that spring is here and there will be work to do at the western farm.
LET句不確切。he has not found﹐原文無此說法。消憂不是while away the hours。
原文沒說農人來告。“來”字多餘。
Some order covered wagons; some row in small boats. Sometimes we explore
quiet, unknown ponds, and sometimes we climb over steep, rugged mounds.
原文中無主語之句﹐應該都指作者自己。不是some。壑不是ponds之意。
There the trees, happy of heart, grow marvelously green, and spring water
gushes forth with a gurgling sound. I admire how things grow and prosper
according to their seasons, and feel that thus, too, shall my life to its
round. 原文沒有happy of heart之意。
Enough! How long yet shall I this mortal shape keep? Why not take life as
it comes, and why hustle and bustle like one on an errand bound? WHY句非
原文確切意思。
Wealth and power are not my ambitions, and unattainable is the abode of
the gods! I would go forth alone on a bright morning, or perhaps, planting
my cane, begin to pluck the weeds and till the ground.
Or I would compose a poem beside a clear stream, or perhaps go up Tungkao
and make a long-drawn call on the top of the hill. So would be content to
live and die, and without questionings of the heart, gladly accept Heaven's
will. 原文無of the heart之意。
(林語堂) 應該不會有理解之誤及表達不確切之處。只能下惋惜之評語﹐免致遭譏。
3) Going Home太簡單﹐沒了氣勢
Going home! The land will soon lie in waste.
Why shouldn't I go home?
Since I willingly let my mind be enslaved by my worldly desires, 不簡潔﹐
不確切
Why should I feel remorseful and sad?“獨”字漏譯
Knowing that what I did in the past cannot be redressed,
I can still retrieve my mistakes in the future;兩句不確切
I have not gone too far on the wrong path,
And now I am on the right path of today, not the wrong one of yesterday.
The boat is moving swiftly ahead with the wind blowing on my garment,
I ask the way from a passer-by and feel sad that there is yet only a gleam
of early dawn.
The shabby house is in view in the distance,
I run happily towards it.
The boy servant comes forward to welcome me,
My youngest son is also waiting for me at the gate.
Though the paths in the garden have nearly been decimated,
The pine trees and the chrysanthemums are still there.
Holding the hand of my child, I walk into the house,
There on the table is wine prepared.“盈樽”沒表達
I take up the wine vessel and drink alone,
Enjoying the view of the trees in the garden.“怡顏”漏譯
I lean against the south window to indulge in my lofty meditations,“寄傲”
沒表達好
Contented with the ease of living in a small house。
I find pleasure in walking in the garden every day,
Though there is a gate, it is closed all day.
With a staff I roam around, and rest whenever I feel the need,
And at times raise my head to look at things in the distance.
Clouds drift out aimlessly from behind the mountains,
Birds will return to their nests when tired.原文沒提到nests
It grows dim as the sun sets,
I linger, stroking the trunk of the solitary pine tree.
Going home! I will cut off all human relations.“絕遊”漏譯
Since the world is at odds with me,
What should I seek by driving out in a carriage?
I will have intimate talks with my kinsmen,
And forget my miseries by playing on the harp and reading books.
Country folks will come to tell me that spring has come,原文無come to tell之
意
And that farm work will begin in the western field.
I would either ride on a cart, or row a small boat,
Sometimes following a clear and deep stream that leads me to a valley,
Sometimes walking along a rugged and bumpy path that takes me over a hill.
Trees are growing boisterously,
Spring water is flowing smoothly.
I envy all things that enjoy the blessings of nature
And feel miserable that my life will soon be over.
Alas! How many more days can I live on this earth?“寄形”沒表達好
Why not take life as it is?
Why do I worry? What am I aspiring to?“何之”漏譯
I do not seek wealth and position,
Nor do I desire to live with fairies and gods.後半譯得不好
I would go out alone on a fine day,
To cultivate farmland with my staff laid aside.植杖不是 laid aside
I would shout aloud on the top of the eastern hill,
And compose poems by clear streams.
Welcoming death as part of the vicissitudes of life,
I would be contented with what is willed by Heaven.
What else do I want?原文沒有此句。
(羅經國) 除了不確切外﹐大都句子不簡潔。
本人譯文﹐基本按原文表達順序而譯﹕
Home Hasten I
Oh, home hasten I! Why not return when fields and garden growing waste?
Myself have made my soul the slave of my form, why regret and grieve alone?
I realize that no bygones can be undone, but the future overtaken. I have,
indeed, gone astray not far, and feel myself right at present, wrong in
the past. The boat rocketh lightly and floateth along; the breeze gently
wafteth and playeth upon my gown. I ask a passenger the way, and hate the
dawn's still grey; and at the sight of my old roofs afar, my pace quickeneth
with joy. The pages smile welcome; the children await me at door. Deserted
are the garden-paths, but yet alive the chrysanthemums and pines. Taking
my youngest I enter the room and see the cups overrun with wine. Holding
the pot and cup, I give myself a drink, and glancing at the boughs in yard,
my smile groweth broad. On south window I loll with the content of proud
freedom and know my knee-holding abode full of leisure and ease. Daily
stroll in garden is my pleasure and though the house hath a door, it is
always shut. Carrying a cane I wander about or for a brief rest, and raise
my head at times to have a long view. Aimlessly rise the idle clouds out
of the dale and sensible of returning are the birds from weary flight.
The dim dusk will soon fade, but I linger on holding a lonely pine. Oh,
home hasten I! Let me cease any acquaintance and have no more journey abroad!
Since the world and I have broken with each other, what I seek for if
I go round again? With delight I enjoy the agreeable discourse of my family
circle and indulge in lute and books to banish my sorrow. When peasants
tell me that spring is come, I'll have doings on the western farm. Now
I order a covered chaise and now take a single boat; sometimes far up to
explore a winding valley and sometimes to drive over rugged mounds. The trees
flourish and burst into leaf; the spring floweth in never-ceasing gurgling.
I envy all the things in prosperity coinciding with seasons and feel my
life is nigh to its end. Be it so! How long yet can I keep my mortal form
in this world? Why not give up desires and leave them alone, and where
am I to go restlessly? Riches and power are not my wish and God's paradise
canth not be gained. On fine days I am out alone for a walk or planting
my cane to pluck weeds and till ground. On eastern high spot I raise a
long call, or by a clear creek weave my verse. I am satisfied to live and
die in natural course, and happy with Heaven's will without doubts.
林語堂譯文：
Ah, homeward bound I go! Why not go home, seeing that my field and gardens
are overgrown? Myself have made my soul serf to my body: why have vain regrets
and mourn alone? Fret not over bygones and the forward journey take. Only
a short distance have I gone astray, and I know today I am right, if yesterday
was a complete mistake.
謝百魁譯文：
Go home! My homestead is being desolated, why not go home? Since I
myself am to blame for having my soul enthralled by my body, why should
I be so sad and forlorn? I conceive that the past is irredeemable, yet the
future has something rewarding in store. I did not go far astray. I feel
today I am doing the sensible, though all I did yesterday was inane.
來自网上的海外逸士譯文：
Oh, home hasten I! Why not return when fields and garden growing waste?
Myself have made my soul the slave of my form, why regret and grieve alone?
I realize that no bygones can be undone, but the future overtaken. I have,
indeed, gone astray not far, and feel myself right at present, wrong in
the past.
謝百魁譯文純粹是作為經典譯文的參照物，因為有比較才能有鑒別。該譯文的毛病
是對原文理解淺露，句子不流暢，用詞大而無當（要善于運用盎格魯 撒克遜人最初
用的那些單音節詞啊）。像這樣的句子，“Since I myself am to blame for having
my soul enthralled…”讀起來好拗口。 “I conceive that the past is irredeemable,
yet,” 這种有從句的句子和irredeemable之類的單詞适用于論文，而不是詩歌散
文。
海外逸士應看過林語堂的譯文，所以句子結構和行文與林語堂的有似曾相識之處，
遺憾的是畫虎類犬。比如起首就太突兀，“Oh, home hasten I!”這种倒裝句是何
用意？而且用詞有大謬。如hasten, 貶義（Haste makes waste），与本辭賦體現的
陶淵明的心情極不融洽。還有，growing waste 与 林語堂譯本中的 are overgrown
一比較，頓顯孰优孰劣；蕪，本意為 overgrown with waste, 亦即“草深豆苗稀”
的樣子，并不是完全長草的意思。 I have, indeed, gone astray not far, and
feel myself right at present, wrong in the past. 句中的indeed 怎么与原文
和譯者本人的意思那么不協調？用那么多逗號把一個句子隔開，是為了音節？效果
卻顯得支离破碎。總的感覺是翻譯得太隨意。
(本人一貫的翻譯風格是儘可能按原文表達順序來譯﹐包括這篇翻譯。既然賞析先生
把本人翻譯與林譯相提並論。那麼就看這兩個翻譯。就簡潔來說﹐以林譯本身看﹐
homeward bound完全可以簡化為homebound一個詞﹐就更簡潔了。難道賞析先生不知
道homebound
這個詞﹖所以他對林譯簡潔的評論﹐是對名人的盲目頌揚。既然本人的“句子結構
和行文與林語堂的有似曾相識之處”----可能是英雄所見略同吧----﹐為什麼本人
的“Oh, home hasten I!”﹐就“起首就太突兀”﹖賞析先生對“突兀”二字沒有
進一步解釋。接下來他問﹕“這种倒裝句是何用意？”但他忘了林譯的起首也是某
種形式的倒裝。他居然沒有問是何用意。是否他用雙重標準來評論﹖或許﹐只是或
許﹐他認為本人譯文不如林的地方﹐在於“用詞有大謬”﹐“如hasten, 貶義（Haste
makes waste）”。如果他只根據這個成語來決定hasten是貶義的﹐那他太有“學問”
了。如果我說太可笑了﹐會有不敬之嫌。該成語裡這兩個詞並用是為了押韻目的﹐
讀上去好聽﹐跟詞的貶義褒義沒有關係。再說英文詞除了本身詞義表示好壞外﹐是
否有像中文字一樣的暗含褒貶之義﹖本人沒研究過這個問題﹐不敢妄下斷語。如果
他讀過100本英美人寫的世界文學名著﹐而在每一個用hasten的句子裡﹐發現hasten都
是作貶義用的﹐這個結論就比較可靠的。但根據現在他賞析中反映出來的無知情況
看﹐他讀過幾本世界文學名著還是個問題。不過﹐如用中國人的思路來討論英文詞﹐
還真是有點可笑。接下來他說“還有，growing waste 與林語堂譯本中的 are overgrown
一比較，頓顯孰優孰劣。”因為“蕪，本意為overgrown with waste”。這不錯。
但或許這位先生眼力較差﹐林譯的overgrown後面沒有with waste。而overgrown本
身只有“長滿”的意思。waste這詞倒有“荒蕪”之意。所以growing waste一點沒
錯﹐意思完整﹐而且更簡短。至於 indeed﹐插入句中﹐前後逗號分開﹐完全是英文
中的一種用法﹐當然也可以放在句首。不信的話﹐讀過100本文學名著後﹐就會知道。
而英文裡的一種固有用法﹐卻被說成“支离破碎”﹐我懷疑這位先生的英文是否是
跟師娘學出來的。我一直告誡自己﹐如果沒有把握﹐如果確不定自己評論是否會被
駁倒﹐就千萬別去亂評論別人的東西﹐否則只能顯出自己的淺薄﹐變成“畫虎類犬”
了。趁便免費教賞析先生一招﹕當要評論別人的作品時﹐對每一個評點﹐除了表達
自己的意見外﹐還要從各個方面來反駁自己的意見﹐隨後看能否自圓其說﹐等到無
論從語言或邏輯各方面都能圓說到很完美時﹐火候到了﹐可以發表了。不過﹐能做
到這點﹐本身就要有一定的功力﹐幾十年的打磨。而不是“太隨意”就行的。還有
我們的子孫要看呢。)
