In the spring of the fourth year of the reign of Qingli, Teng Zijing was
banished from the capital to be governor of Baling Prefecture. After he
had governed the district for a year, the administration became efficient,
the people became united, and all things that had fallen into disrepair
were given a new lease on life. Then he restored Yueyang Pavilion, adding
new splendor to the original structure and having inscribed on it poems
by famous men of the Tang Dynasty as well as the present time. And he asked
me to write an essay to commemorate this.
慶歷如作年號處理﹐前面不用reign一詞﹐如指皇帝﹐須用Emperor Qingli。翻譯要
中規中矩﹐不能處理不當。滕不是流放﹐不能用BANISH一詞﹐用詞錯誤﹐須用DEMOTE。
Prefecture的長官應該是Prefect。越明年﹐說NEXT YEAR就行﹐不必這麼長的句子。
不能簡潔表達﹐說明水平問題。政通者﹐政事上下溝通無阻礙。人和者﹐人們之間
和睦相處沒矛盾。此處翻譯未確切。“記”字指“記敘”﹐不是“記念”。最後三
詞多餘的。
Now I have found that the finest sights of Baling are concentrated in the
region of Lake Dongting. Dongting, nibbling at the distant hills and gulping
down the Yangtze River, strikes all beholders as vast and infinite, presenting
a scene of boundless variety; and this is the superb view from Yueyang Pavilion.
All this has been described in full by writers of earlier ages. However,
since the lake is linked with Wu Gorge in the north and extends to the Xiao
and Xiang rivers in the south, many exiles and wandering poets gather here
and their reactions to these sights vary greatly.
第二個洞庭無必要重複。銜遠山以下四句﹐語氣應該承上而來﹐中間不該斷句。凡
英譯中斷句者﹐皆未得古文之精要。nibbling不是銜之意。strikes後太嚕囌。“朝
暉夕陰，气象萬千”漏譯。遷客不是流放者。用詞不當。最後句原文語氣沒譯出來。
During a period of incessant rain, when a spell of bad weather continues
for more than a month, when louring winds bellow angrily, tumultuous waves
hurl themselves against the sky, sun and stars hide their light, hills and
mountains disappear, merchants have to halt in the travels, masts collapse
and oars splinter, the day darkens and the roars of tigers and howls of monkeys
are heard, if men come to this pavilion with a longing for home in their
hearts or nursing a feeling of bitterness because of taunts and slander,
they may find the sight depressing and fall prey to agitation or despair.
結構安排尚可﹐唯沒與原文對應。又不夠簡潔。if men come to 沒有“登斯樓也”
的語氣。且come to不是登之意。感極而悲者矣﹐沒譯確切。
But during mild and bright spring weather, then the waves are unruffled
and the azure translucence above and below stretches before your eyes for
myriads of li, when the water-birds fly down to congregate on the sands
and fish with scales like glimmering silk disport themselves in the water,
when the iris and orchids on the banks grow luxuriant and green; or when
dusk falls over this vast expanse and bright moon casts its light a thousand
li, when the rolling waves glitter like gold and silent shadows in the water
glimmer like jade, and the fishermen sing to each other for sheer joy, then
men coming up to this pavilion may feel complete freedom of heart and ease
of spirit, forgetting every worldly gain or setback, to hold their winecups
in the breeze in absolute elation, delighted with life.
四字句譯法﹐在英文中用平行句才好。四字句沒譯確切。如before your eyes多餘。
在DURING引導的短語後面﹐不需要用THEN一詞。長煙一空漏譯。靜影指水裡月影。
沒譯出來。這裡的靜﹐不是SILENT﹐沒有聲音。是靜止不動之意。用詞不當。此樂
何極﹐沒譯好。最後句語氣沒譯好。
But again when I consider the men of old who possessed true humanity, they
seem to have responded quite differently. The reason, perhaps, may be this:
natural beauty was not enough to make them happy, nor their own situation
enough to make them sad. When such men are high in the government or at
court, their first concern is for the people; when they retire to distant
streams and lakes, their first concern is for their sovereign. Thus they
worry both when in office and when in retirement. When, then, can they enjoy
themselves in life? No doubt they are concerned before anyone else and enjoy
themselves only after everyone else finds enjoyment. Surely these are the
men in whose footsteps I should follow!
原文沒有AGAIN之意。“何哉？不以物喜，不以己悲。”翻譯不確切。in the government
or at court重複了。in life多餘。文尾漏譯。總之﹕翻譯太平淡﹐沒有氣勢。不
夠簡潔確切。以兩譯者之水平﹐不應如此。只能實事求是評之。
（楊憲益、戴乃迭 譯）
2) Yueyang Pavilion“記”字漏譯
In the spring of the fourth year of the Qingli period, Teng Zijing was relegated
to the position of the prefect of Baling. The following year witnessed a
great change there in terms of the smooth conduct of government and the
harmonious human relations as well as the resumption of a great many neglected
undertakings. Thus Yueyang Pavilion was rebuilt on a scale larger than before
and was graced with the inscriptions of the poems and rhythmic prose of the
Tang and contemporary celebrities. I was requested to write something to
mark the event.
意思還可以﹐但與原文不對應﹐失去原文氣勢。是重修﹐不是重造。措辭不當。
“增其舊制”沒譯好。something用得很不好。
In my view, the grandeur of Baling lies only in Lake Dongting, which looks
as if it were holding in its mouth the distant mountains and gulping down
the Yangtse River. Boundless and marvellous, it presents in the morning
sunshine and the evening twilight a most gorgeous spectacle. This is the
general view from the pavilion, already described in full by our predecessors.
However, since the lake connects with the Wu Gorge in the north and ends
at the Xiao and Xiang rivers in the south, many demoted or banished officials
and literati often gather here. Can there be no shades of difference in
their feelings when admiring the scenery?
“浩浩湯湯，橫無際涯”漏譯。下兩句譯得不確切。banished多餘。
If the continuous drizzle does not let up for several months on end, one
can hear the bleak wind howling and see the turbid waves surging to the
sky. The brilliance of the sun and the stars are eclipsed and the shapes
of the mountains and hills become obscured. The merchants and travellers
are stopped on their way, staying in boats with declined masts and broken
oars, while the light being so dim at dusk, one can fancy tigers' roars
and monkeys' gibbers. So the ascent to the pavilion is associated with the
nostalgia in exile and the fear of slanders and taunts. Confronted with
such disconsolate scenes, one is apt to be moved to the extreme and feel
much saddened.
霪雨比drizzle大。原文沒說staying in boats。原文沒說one can fancy。exile用
錯。
As for the days when spring weather is mile and sunny, nature is lit with
a bright smile, and the waves being halcyon, the sky and the lake are tinged
with the same hue, making up an infinitely huge canvas of light blue, on
which white gulls are hovering in bevies and fish shimmering with silvery
scales. And the lake shores adorned with irises and sandbars dotted with
orchids are all enshrouded in a sweet and lush green. Sometimes the broad
firmament is clear of all mist, a bright moon shines over the vast lake
gleaming with a golden glow, and the moon's reflection in the watery mirror
reminds one of a sunken jade. And then the fishermen's songs are heard to
be echoing one another. What an unbounded joy! In such a case, ascent to
the pavilion gives one a broadened mind and eased heart, with credit and
discredit both forgotten. Holding a winecup in the wind, one is overflowing
with happiness.
第一長句意思可以﹐不夠確切。mile應該是mild之誤吧。第二句自由發揮太多。第
三句太嚕囌。原文一氣呵成之處﹐譯文也須一氣呵成﹐中間不能斷句。
Oh, I have tried to probe the souls of the noble ancients. Their feelings
might differ from the above two. Why? Because they were not glad of things
adventitious, or sad for the sake of themselves. Positioned high at court,
they worried about the people. Banished to remote regions, they worried
about their sovereigns. Thus they were carefree in neither case. Then, at
what time would they feel happy? They were sure to say: "Worry before all
others have worried, rejoice after all others have rejoiced." Who should
I emulate, if not people of this type?
原文首兩句是一句。譯文不能分兩句﹐方能顯出過渡連接水平。原文是兩者之為﹐
不是兩者之感。所以用feelings不確切。不能用Banished一詞。Thus句失去氣勢。
emulate一詞不確切。總之﹕簡潔確切達意都有差距。沒有譯出原文氣勢。
（謝百魁 譯）
3) The Story of Yoyang Tower 不是Story﹐是“記”
In the spring of the 4th year of Chi'in_Li, T'eng Tzu Ching was banished
from the court by being made Governor of Pa Ling prefecture. After one year
order and peace was re-established and everything that had fallen into negligence
was reinstalled. Then work was started to have the Yoyang Tower rebuilt
and enlarged; and after poems of the worthies of the T’ang period and of
our own contemporaries were engraved upon it, I was requested to write the
story.
banished用錯。prefecture的長官是prefect。越明年﹐ 不是一年後。“政通人和”
沒譯好。重修不是rebuilt。最後句譯得太馬虎。不是Story﹐是“記”。英文中一
個寫作原則是不要頭重腳輕﹐即主語太長﹐謂語及後面成份太短。這就是為什么有
先行詞IT等的用法。
In my opinion the chief feature of Pa Ling lies in this Tung Ting Lake.
Immeasurable and boundless it adjoins the distant mountains and takes in
the Yangtse River; and during fine morning and cloudy evening it presents
ten thousand changes in its appearance. This is the grand view of the Yoyang
Tower, of which former writers have left nothing unsaid. So north from the
WU Gorges and south to the sources of the Hsiao Hsiang rivers most exiles
and poets gather here; and how can they help being impressed with the changing
views before their eyes?
“銜遠山----橫無際涯”譯得沒氣勢。“北通巫峽，南極瀟湘”說的是洞庭湖。但
從翻譯看﹐似乎說的是遷客騷人來自這兩處。至於洞庭湖是否南接瀟湘的源頭﹐原
文沒說。exiles用錯。最後兩句錯譯。非原文意思。
To illustrate, it may rain continually for months without a break, when
the gloomy wind howls and the muddy waves threaten the heavens, the sun
and the stars hide their faces and the mountains make no appearance, the
traders halt in their journey, and sails fall and oars, break, it gets dark
before the night falls, and the tigers roar and monkeys scream. If a man
ascends the tower during such a season, he will feel homesick, apprehend
calumny and fear criticism; and as he looks over the sad view, he will weep
for extreme agitation.
To illustrate不是若夫之意。原文的四字排比句是一氣貫下的﹐英文翻譯不能中間
斷句﹐但只用逗號分開句子﹐沒有適當的連接詞﹐氣勢不能貫下。當然﹐如果斷句
就更不對了。agitation不是悲的意思。
But when the gentle spring returns with her congenial warmth, the scenery
becomes clear and the waves are no longer frightful, the sunshine fills
up the space up and down and all is blue over thousands of acres, the sand
gulls fly together and the fine-scaled fish swim, the angelica on the bank
and orchid on the islets are all luxuriant and blue; or when the expanse
of the sky is free from clouds and the bright moon shines thousands of miles,
floating lights glister like gold and the still shadows quiver like sinking
precious stones, and the fishermen sing one to another with songs — there
is no end to such joy! If a man ascends the tower during such seasons, he
will feel his heart opened and his spirit delighted, forgetting both honour
and dishonor, and when he faces the wind with wine-cup in hand his joy is
overflowing.
“至若春和景明，波瀾不驚”句譯得不平衡。當原文是平衡的﹐譯文亦須平衡﹐才
能達到文學性。“上下天光”譯錯。“靜影沉璧”錯譯。
Alas! I often find in ancient times men of benevolence think differently
from both of these. Why is it? They neither rejoiced for external things,
nor did they lament for themselves. When they were in high position at the
court, they were concerned for the people; and when they retired to the
remote rivers and lakes, they were concerned for the sovereign. They were
concerned both while in office and out of office. Then when would they be
joyous? The answer must be: "They would be concerned before the world became
concerned; but they would be joyous only after the world became joyous."
Alas! Whom should I follow but such men?
concerned both句意思沒表達好。WHILE多餘。concerned不是憂之意。文尾漏譯。
總之﹕錯譯不少。且沒譯出原文氣勢。讀上去覺得平淡。
（潘正英 譯）
4) The Yueyang Tower漏譯“記”字
In the spring of the fourth year of Qingli (1), Teng Zijing (2) was exiled
to Baling Prefecture (3) to be the prefect there. In the second year of
his office, because of his excellent administration, people lived in peace
and contentment, and all previous neglected matters were taken care of. The
Yueyang Tower was renovated and enlarged, and inscribed on its wall were
the poetry and the rhymed prose of learned men of the Tang and the present
dynasty. I was invited to record this restoration effort in writing.
exiled用錯。第二句前半錯譯。“政通人和”指全國範圍﹐不專指這個地方。“增
其舊制”譯得太簡單。最後句不簡潔。invited不妥。
The beauty of Baling centers round the Dongting Lake, which holds the mountain
ranges in the distance and swallows the water of the Yangtze River. It is
so vast and mighty that it seems boundless. Dazzling in the morning sun
and fading in the gray evening mist, it affords a myriad of scenes. This
is the magnificent view that the Yueyang Tower commands, of which many descriptions
have been written. This beautiful scenic spot is linked with the Wu Gorge
in the north and the Xiao and Xiang Rivers in the south. Exiled officials
and poets often gather here. How could there be no difference in their feelings?
“予觀夫”漏譯。“前人”漏譯。Exiled錯用。原文連貫性被割斷。末句不完整。
In the rainy season, an unbroken spell of wet weather lasts for months.
Chilly winds howl and turbid waves surge sky high. The sun and the stars
lose their luster, and the mountain ranges are scarcely visible. Merchants
and travelers have to put off their voyage, for the masts of the ships have
collapsed and their oars broken. It is dark towards evening, and the roaring
of tigers and the cry of monkeys can be heard. At such a time anyone ascending
the tower will be filled with nostalgia for the imperial court and his home
as well as fears of calumny and derision against him. Around him is a scene
of desolation. Emotions well up in him so strong that he feels pain at heart.
第一句不簡潔。第二句好﹐簡潔達意。LUSTER指光澤﹐非“耀”之意。原文意思應
該是“薄暮冥冥”之時﹐聽到“虎嘯猿啼”。譯文沒表達之間的關係。nostalgia句
不確切。最後兩句也不確切。
In springtime it is warm and the sun is bright. The Lake is tranquil and
it merges with the azure sky into a vast expanse of blue. The water-birds
are playing, some fluttering in the sky, some gathering together on the
sandbars. Fishes of varied hues are swimming merrily in the water. The sweet-
smelling grass by the banks and the faintly scented orchids on the sandy
beaches are lush and green. Sometimes, when the mist over the Lake vanishes,
the glorious moon shines over the vast land, its brightness glistening with
golden light on the lake. The reflection of the moon is like a piece of
jade in the depths of the water. The fishermen's songs chime in with each
other. How delightful they are! On ascending the Tower at such a time, one
will feel spiritual uplift, caring for neither glory nor shame. With a cup
of wine in the gentle breeze, he will enjoy the greatest happiness in life!
第一第二句不確切。後面兩句既不確切﹐又不簡潔。再後面同樣情況。
Ah! I have tried to study the minds of people of lofty ideals in ancient
times. Perhaps they were different from the people I mentioned above. Why
is this? The reason is that they were not thrown into ecstasies over their
success, nor felt depressed over their failures. When they were in high
positions at court, they were concerned about people. When they were in remote
places, they were concerned about their emperor. They worried when they
got promoted or when they were sent into exile. Then, when were they happy?
They would say:"To be the first in the country to worry about the affairs
of the state and the last to enjoy oneself." Alas! Who else should I seek
company with save them?
lofty ideals非“仁”之意。“兩者”漏譯。reason句和worried句都不確切。exile用
錯。兩個經典句子沒譯好。文尾漏譯。只有兩句比較精彩。可見質量不穩定﹐風格
不統一。
（羅經國 譯）
5) 題缺
The spring in the fourth year of Qingli (reign title of Emperor, Renzong
of the Northern Song Dynasty)， Deng Zijing was relegated to the post of
Baling Prefecture's procurator. Next year, the government functioned well,
the people were in their harmony lives and all neglected tasks were been
undertaken. Then the Yueyang Building was renovated, increasing the original
scale and carving on its wall with the poems and verses written by the Masters
in the Tang Dynasty and contemporaries. I was entrusted with writing prose
to record it.
篇首缺個IN。Prefecture怎會有procurator。應該用harmonious。been﹐語法錯誤。
應該是being。這個錯誤太低級了。prose﹐用詞不妥。
I observed the wonderful scenery of Baling, which depends primarily on the
great Tongting Lake. It looks as holding the remote mountains in mouth and
swallowing the Yangtze River. It is so vast, mighty and boundless! Over
the lake the sky appears bright at morning and overcast in the evening;
the scenery is so spectacular and majestic as people's expected. Those are
the grand sight around the Yueyang Building, which had made the descriptive
complete records by the predecessors. However,the lake connects northward
to the Wu Gorge and southward to the end of the Xiangjiang River; most of
the demoted officers and dejected poets are gathering here. Could not their
feelings caused by such scenery, be variable?
第一句主次顛倒。寫作原則之一﹕主要意思應該用主句表達。這裡斷句就斷掉了原
文的貫串氣勢。looks as應該是looks like。原文無as people's expected之意﹐
且's語法錯誤。which代指前面前面Building作主語是錯誤的。原文騷人前無dejected之
意。不需進行時態。末句不確切。
Whenever the bad weather, the excessive rain is falling thick and fast,
even lasting for the whole month. The chilly winds are howling hard and
the turbid waves are rushing even up to the sky. The sun and stars lose
their brilliance and the shapes of the lofty mountains are hidden. And then
the business travels stop and the masts and oars of the sailing boats are
collapsed. When the time is to the evening dark, tigers are roaring and
apes are whistling. At that time, if people ascend to the top of this building，
all kind of feeling, such as being apart from the capital, yearning for
native lands, worrying to be slandered, fearing to be jealous of, and seeing
everywhere almost sadly, may be touched off. Deeply moving to the extreme,
sadness is inevitable.
第一句中既重複﹐又錯誤。不需進行時態。連月﹐不是whole month。When句不知所
云。 feeling需用複數。譏﹐不是jealous of。
On the contrary, in the fine weather, the spring comes in bright sunshine
and gentle breeze. The lake is without any terrifying rush and its color
from top to bottom is as blue as the sky, as if the blue water is reaching
far beyond the horizon. Sandpipers gather flying in the air and fishes play
in the water. Fragrant grass and orchids growing up luxuriantly on the shore
and sand-bank are blue and green. Sometimes the steam and smoke in the sky
completely dissipated, and sometimes a bright moon hanging in the sky shines
far away beyond almost a thousand li of distance. The floating beam of the
Moon radiates a silver glittering upon the water. The quiet shadow of her
mirrored in the water is similar to the sunken jasper under the water surface.
The fishing songs respond with each other. How much joyful it is! At that
tome, if people ascend to the top of this building，they may touch off the
feelings of carefree and happy, and forget honor and disgrace, gain and
lose. Facing the gentle breeze and drinking, full of joy is also inevitable.
第一句不確切。第二句太嚕囌﹐且不確切。steam用錯﹐且多餘。原文不需用Sometimes一
詞。radiates----glittering﹖tome﹐想必是time之誤。末句不確切。
Ah! I have looked for the minds of the ancient people with lofty ideas.
They were perhaps not alike both states as above mentioned. Why? They don't
joy for substance and don't feel sad for themselves. When situated at the
high post in the imperial court, they worried about people and when located
at the corners far away the capital, they worried about the Emperor. Therefore,
advance would cause them worrying and retreat would also cause them worrying.
In that case, if I asked, "When they joy?" They had to say: "Worry should
be before, and joy must be after those of the people." Alas! If there were
not such spirited people, whom would I go together with ?
lofty ideas非“仁”之意。look for minds﹐不通。alike both states﹐錯譯。
joy for substance﹐不通。away後須加from。進﹐退句英文不通。When they joy句
中須加will。spirited多餘。總之﹕離開簡潔確切達意有一段距離。更不用說語勢
問題。
This article was written on the 15th day of the 9th lunar month in the sixth
year of Qingli (1046 A.D.)(王士杰)
本人譯文基本對應於原文
An Account of Yueyang Tower
In the spring of the fourth year of Qingli, Teng Zijing was demoted to be
the prefect of Baling Prefecture. Next year, political situation was favorable
and human relationship harmonious; all projects neglected so far were resumed.
Therefore, Yueyang Tower was under repair, and new designs were added
to the old structure. There engraved on it were poems and essays of the
sages of Tang Dynasty as well as of our contemporaries. Then I was asked
to give an account of it.
I can see, well, that the beauty of Baling centers on Dongting Lake, which
holds distant hills and swallows the Yangtze River, looking so huge and
vast, and extending so wide and boundless（此幾句雖不簡潔﹐但構成平衡﹐並
有節奏。考慮寫作的文學性）, and with the glory of the morning and the gloom
of the evening, so changeable in multi-aspects, this is the grand view from
Yueyang Tower. Our ancestors already had a full version of it. However, as
it connects Gorge Wu in the north and Xiao-Xiang rivers in the south, demoted
officials and sentimental poets often gather here. Should there be no difference
in their feelings when they're watching the same scenes? (如果譯成 In their
feelings when watching the same surroundings, should there be no difference?
以對應原文﹐則英文不夠通順。翻譯必須雙向考慮。)
Well, when rains galore last for months at a stretch, when dismal winds
roar in fury and murky billows surge skyward, when the sun and stars conceal
their light and mountains hide their contour, when merchants cease their
travel and masts of ships crumble and oars broken, when dusk descends, dim
and dull, with tigers growling and apes crying, there are those, ascending
this tower and eyeing scenes so depressing, who will harbor strong emotions
and weep for leaving the capital and being away from home, and with fear
of slander and mockery. (如果對應原文﹐譯成 there are those, ascending this
tower, for leaving the capital and being away from home, and with fear of
slander and mockery, while eyeing scenes so depressing, who will harbor
strong emotions and weep.則英文不通順。所以還得雙向考慮)
But when spring is fine, scenes beautiful, and no waves on the water, when
azure in the sky above, reflected in the water below, forms a myriad acres
of blue, when gulls hover and gather on sands and fishes swim with glittering
scales, when zhi herb on the bank and orchid on the shoal are so flourishing
and green, or when there are no smoke and clouds in the sky with the bright
moon shining over thousand miles, when floating light on the water glitters
with golden specks and the moon cuts its calm image in the lake like a sunken
jade, when fishermen sing in response to each other, how their happiness
enjoyed to the utmost, there are those, ascending this tower, who will lift
the wine cup in the wind, being jocund and carefree, jovial and complacent,
forgetful of all favors or disgraces.
Alas! Once I tried to understand the mind of ancient virtuous men, who might
behave differently from these two kinds of people. Why? They didn't delight
in worldly things, or grieve for their own sake. They would worry for people
at large as high officials at court. They would worry for their sovereign
though retired to the far rivers and lakes. So they always had anxieties
whether as courties or retired. Then, when would they be happy? They would
say, "Grieve before all people under heaven grieve; enjoy after all people
under heaven enjoy." Well, if not with such men, whom will I socialize
(or: mingle)? Time of writing: on the fifteenth day of the ninth moon in
the sixth year.
