How can mountains and rivers
Deter red army soldiers
When they are strong willed to hike
Endless miles north to fight
Under their journey-worn feet
Wumeng turns into mud ball
Nor are they themselves to cheat
Five Ranges do become streams small
Fearsome is the Jinsha River
Splashing on both rocky banks
The bridge changes in gunfire quiver
But gunfire stops no brave soldier
Happy we are when we reunite
Our forces of three routes
Beyond the snow mountains white
After sliding down in shouts
这里，连意象都换了。云崖暖翻译成warm cloudy cliff, 恐怕老外要觉得费解。
关于韵的问题。要求汉诗英译押韵，增加了翻译难度。是否非要押韵，有不同看法。毕竟现代诗很多已经不押韵了。我个人的 困惑是，诗不押韵，凭什么还保持诗的资格，肯定有别的因素，否则读者早就不干了。这个问题我没有搞懂。很多现代诗，在我看来就是散文的分行。那么按照字数 分一下好了。在纽约客杂志上看到厄普代克的一首现代诗《来到纽约》Coming Into New York, 就让我有散文分行的感觉。每行基本上十个音节。
After Providence, Connecticut，
the green defiant landscape, unrelieved
except by ordered cities, smart and smug,
in spirit villages, too full of life
to be so called, too small to seem sincere.
And then like Death it comes upon us:
the plain of steaming trash, the tinge of brown
that colors now the trees and grass as though
exposed to rays sent from the core of heat—
these are the signs we see in retrospect.
But we look up amazed and wonder that
the green is gone out of our window, that
horizon on all sides is segmented
into so many tiny lines that we
mistake it for the profile of a wooded
hill against the sky, or that as far
as mind can go are buildings, paving, streets.
The tall ones rise into the mist like gods
serene and watchful, yet we fear, for we
have witnessed from this train the struggle to
complexity: the leaf has turned to stone.
这首诗串起来就是个四个长句的段落。
After Providence, Connecticut, the green defiant landscape, unrelieved except by ordered cities, smart and smug, in spirit villages, too full of life to be so called, too small to seem sincere. And then like Death it comes upon us: the plain of steaming trash, the tinge of brown that colors now the trees and grass as though exposed to rays sent from the core of heat— these are the signs we see in retrospect. But we look up amazed and wonder that the green is gone out of our window, that horizon on all sides is segmented into so many tiny lines that we mistake it for the profile of a wooded hill against the sky, or that as far as mind can go are buildings, paving, streets. The tall ones rise into the mist like gods serene and watchful, yet we fear, for we have witnessed from this train the struggle to complexity: the leaf has turned to stone.
The Red Army is not afraid of the
Difficulties of long march
Mountains and rivers' though numerous
Are nothing but insignificant things
The five ranges of mountains appear
As small as streamlets under their feet
Humongous as the Wumeng Mountains are
It is nothing but small balls of mud
Then they come to the Goldensand River
Whose waters splash on the two rocky banks
Cold and aloof is the iron chain bridge
Guarding the only pass to the other side
They take the bridge with bravery
Then scale the huge mountain, snow covered
Happy they are after surmounting those
When branches of troops rejoin their forces
如果要仿照厄普代克的写法，用长句跨三四行，则要费点心思：
The Red Army，fearing not the hardship
of long march and despising numerous mountains
and rivers, treat the Five Ranges as little streams
and the huge Wumeng Mountain as mud balls.
Then at the splashing Goldensand River,
its banks vague in misty fog, they storm the
sole bridge, iron chains only, braving gunfire.
Mountains of snow then they scale successively
and rejoined forces beyond in great glee
看英文的晚唐诗选(Poems of the Late T'ang (Unesco Collection of Representative Works :, Chinese Series) )，对那些翻译也不是很满意。都是不押韵的。又不押韵，又拘泥于原诗的句子走向，结果就更无味了。汉诗仰仗韵律平仄太多。很多用白话写出也是无味的，所以如果翻译上不用点传统诗歌的手段就不好了。比如李白的静夜思
Before my bed the bright moon light,
I mistook for the frost on the ground.
I looked up to gaze at the moon.
I looked down to think of my home.
如果改造一下，至少有点音乐感：
Before my bed the bright moon light,
I mistook it for the frost white.
Looking up I saw a moon bright.
Looking down I yearn for my home’s sight.
进一步改造：
I woke up to see much frost on the ground
Here and there, all my bed around
A closer look however
Revealed it was none other
Than the light from the moon
High up there at night's noon
Full and round, hanging on the dome
Evoking my thoughts of my far away home.
