Following a dove’s whistle
I look for you
The towering forest blocks the sky
On a small path
A dandelion gone astray
Leads me to the bluish gray lake
In the gently swaying reflection
I find your eyes
So deep and immeasurable---》unfathomably deep
（谢忍忍，Imannuel 修改！）
Following a dove whistle
I look for you
The towering forest blocks the sky
On a small trail
A dandelion gone astray
Leads me to the bluish gray lake
In the gently swaying reflection
I find you
The unfathomable eye作者: 忍忍 时间: 2010-1-10 23:51
引用:
Originally posted by 沉醉东风 at 2010-1-10 23:37:
“北岛的诗确实好”。 再翻一首短诗。匆匆抛砖。 ：）
《回答》长了些，改天再试。 ：）
Following a dove’s whistle
I look for you
The towering forest blocks the sky
On a small path
A dandelion gone astray
Leads me to the bluish gray lake
In the gently swaying reflection
I find your eyes
So deep and immeasurable
towering--好像towering 是形容人造的东西， 用soaring？总之在换个词。。。
immeasurable--unfathomable 是不是好一些？
好诗，喜欢。作者: 沉醉东风 时间: 2010-1-11 00:02 关于 towering, "soaring" is certainly fine, but "towering" is also OK to describe trees.
狗一句：
A walk through Joyce Kilmer Memorial Forest is a journey back in time through a magnificent forest with towering trees as old as 400 years...
多谢忍妹指点！ ：）作者: Immanuel 时间: 2010-1-11 01:57 My friend who "indulges" in wine...
Few observations. Hope they make sense.
(I share these just for fun and our "friendship". No intention to outsmart you...Ha-ha-ha...)
1. Doves and pigeons belong to the same family. However, I do think there is a difference in their connotations. My impression: a dove would be a wild bird, white, pretty, and, most of all, free; while a pigeon is a bit like a domesticated "pet". In the original poem, such a bird is like "a goose" in our classics, serves as a messager. That's why it can "blow" the whistle. So I think "pigeon" might be a better rendering...
2. I would change "I look for you" to " I found you".
3. I am not sure on this one: "a lake of blue and gray" seems would sound better than "the bluish gray lake".
4. "Go astray" would imply more than "got lost".
5. I prefer Renren's choice, but it could be used as an adverb-"unfathomably deep".
Any thoughts?作者: 沉醉东风 时间: 2010-1-11 20:57 yes, i "indulge" myself in "wine" all the time.
wow, five observations!
you sure have a sharp eye besides a smart brain, and i have no intention to beat my brains out to outsmart you. ;)
do appreciate your "friendship". thanks!
1.Immanuel: Doves and pigeons belong to the same family. However, I do think there is a difference in their connotations. My impression: a dove would be a wild bird, white, pretty, and, most of all, free; while a pigeon is a bit like a domesticated "pet". In the original poem, such a bird is like "a goose" in our classics, serves as a messager. That's why it can "blow" the whistle. So I think "pigeon" might be a better rendering...
====>
you certainly know a lot about animals.
googling around, i found an interesting link.
what you said is certainly true!
i'll quote two particular posts just for my benefit.
always good to learn something new out of discussions.
There is no true scientific difference between 'pigeons' and 'doves'. While the smaller pigeons often get called 'doves', this is fairly inconsistent.
dove=good; pigeon = bad Jan 25, 2005
In all the replies, I don't think anyone has pointed out that the connotations of the word 'dove' are usually positive and those of the word 'pigeon' are usually negative. This is because the birds classified as doves rather than pigeons are usually prettier and have long been associated with love and peace. The birds classified as pigeons are nowadays generally considered to be a nuisance (except to people who like or actually keep them as pets!) and there are a few expressions including the word which also tend to have negative connotations, such as 'pigeon-toed', 'pigeon-chested', or even 'pigeon-holed'.
There's a similar thing with raven and crow. A lot of native English speakers would not be able to tell you the difference between the two - and indeed there may not even be a difference, But 'raven' sounds grand and striking and has a good connotation - conjuring up the image of the famous birds at the Tower of London and all the history and tradition - whereas 'crow' has a bad connotation and has even come to be used pejoratively about women (what a surprise!) to describe an elderly woman.
I don't know if this helps - but I really do think it's more to do with the associations of the words in question and how they are used than the scientific meanings when the two things are so similar that it's difficult to tell the difference.
zt作者: 沉醉东风 时间: 2010-1-11 22:22 2.Immanuel: I would change "I look for you" to " I found you".
=====>
我寻找着你
is this the sentence you were talking about?
if so, i disagree.
3.Immanuel: I am not sure on this one: "a lake of blue and gray" seems would sound better than "the bluish gray lake".
=========>
i once heard my Caucasian friend saying "bluish gray eyes".
蓝灰色的湖泊
the color of the lake is kinda between blue and gray, i suppose?
if it's 蓝色的湖泊, then the author must be in a suuny mood.
4. Immanuel: "Go astray" would imply more than "got lost".
=====>
yes, i know what you mean.
i think "astray" can be referred to two meanings, and one of them is "got lost".
let me double check with a friend of mine tomorrow.
zt from the online dictionary:
1). out of the right way; off the correct or known road, path, or route: Despite specific instructions, they went astray and got lost.
2). away from that which is right; into error, confusion, or undesirable action or thought: They were led astray by their lust for money.
5. Immanuel: I prefer Renren's choice, but it could be used as an adverb-"unfathomably deep".
=====>
you guys are super!
you'll never need to worry about alzheimer's disease.
many thanks, my friend!作者: Immanuel 时间: 2010-1-12 01:44 You seem to be already sober...
Anyway, I agree with you here, totally...
Now, thank you for not being picky on my being picky...
Love作者: 沉醉东风 时间: 2010-1-12 21:53 glad you agree with me, but are you sure?
as for #1, the thing is, even some Caucasians can't differentiate a dove from a pigeon.
hope i didn't leave you with the impression of being too argumentative.
always wonderful to learn something new. can't say thank you enough!
otherwise, i'd be really out of my brain.
cheers!
"be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."作者: Immanuel 时间: 2010-1-13 01:25 Love you, man. Long time did not have the chance to drink some Chinese Wine...I miss it....作者: 忍忍 时间: 2010-9-22 20:52
引用:
Originally posted by 沉醉东风 at 2010-1-10 23:37:
Astray
Bei Dao
Translated by Chenzuidongfeng
Following a dove’s whistle
I look for you
The towering forest blocks the sky
On a small path
A dandelion gone astray
Leads me to the bluish gray lake
In the gently swaying reflection
I find your eyes
So deep and immeasurable---》unfathomably deep
Following a dove whistle
I look for you
The towering forest blocks the sky
On a small trail
A dandelion gone astray
Leads me to the bluish gray lake
In the gently swaying reflection
I find you
The unfathomable eye
