you draw softly near
my eaves low
to lash coyly against
my solitary window-sill
i take your graceful body
but you instantly
disperse in my bleak memory
Tr.Wo Long作者: 海外逸士 时间: 2009-2-26 17:39 your word order is not correct. forget rhyme for the time being, till you can do it better. just correct your word order in the following:
you draw softly near
my eaves low
to lash coyly against
my solitary window-sill
i take your graceful body
but you instantly
disperse in my bleak memory
by wo long
if you use gracefully, it means that you take sth gracefully. that's not what in your Chinese line.作者: 文英 时间: 2009-2-27 00:51 老师
这样吧!暂且
我先按您的改正过来。