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标题: [原创] 女儿出嫁了 [打印本页]

作者: 杨林     时间: 2012-2-24 00:03     标题: [原创] 女儿出嫁了

女儿在她满26岁之前出嫁了。

26年前女儿出生的时候我不在身边。因为我母亲要照顾父亲与弟妹,​​不便离开老家来照顾我待产的妻子,再说我们那个17平方米的房子也不方便住4个人。无奈之下,在预产期之前,我把妻子送回了老家。当我第一次见到女儿时,她即将满月,一头黑发,安详地睡着箩筐里(我们那里刚出生的婴孩都睡箩筐,箩筐底部铺着很多稻草,婴儿的铺是倾斜的,头高脚低)。我好像还没有足够的思想准备:这就是我的孩子?我就这样成为了父亲?

妻子工作的学校比较宽松,在女儿出生后的一年里没有给她安排课程,等于给了她一年的产假。在那一年里,我下班回家的第一件事,就是和女儿玩,把她抱着或者骑在背上去看我的学生。她的第一张照片是两个月时在照相馆照的,以后我也借系里的相机给她拍了一些照片。她上学前照的相片里,印象最深的是她那张100天时在照相馆里拍的照片,和半岁左右在床上爬时昂起头的照片。她走路开始得早,但说话晚,过了一周岁好像还什么都不会说,以致我的母亲怀疑她是个哑巴。我说:放心,她不聋,就不会哑。她小时候好像对新环境有种恐惧感,放假回老家时每到一个“新家”——舅舅、大姨家,祖父母家,和曾祖母家——都要大哭一场。这与她后来对新环境的适应形成鲜明的对比。

周岁断奶后,妻子要去上班。她在一所郊区学校任教,虽然两地之间不到50公里,但那时交通不方便,她们学校的校车每星期才来回一趟,周一早上去学校,周六中午回来。我所在的学校从托儿所到高中都是全市顶尖的,女儿自然就跟着我,直到一年多以后,妻子的学校搬到附近。

我不是那种特别仔细的父亲。在一个人带女儿的一年多里,除了生病,其它时候没有特别费什么心。为了确保她的营养,早上按时蒸蛋,饮食水果,每天按定量喂她吃完。过了一岁半之后,中餐有时会让她吃食堂的饭菜,这成为有些邻居说我“虐待”女儿的证据。夏天南昌异常闷热,白天玩脏了,就到水龙头上冲个澡。在那两栋房子里,只有另一位父亲也让他的女儿洗冷水澡,这也成为我“虐待” 女儿的另一证据。说起洗澡,应该也是一岁多时,暑假回家带她下河玩水,结果第二天就拉肚子。好了之后,我继续带她下河,后来就没事了。冬天零下几度,房间里没有取暖设施,晚上睡觉前经常是手脚冰冷。每天在被窝里,我的胸前贴着一双小手和两只小脚,是最幸福的时刻,那时父女俩的距离贴得最近。

在邻居中她总是个最受欢迎的孩子,不是因为她从来不捣蛋,而是做了坏事后会去道歉。一旦有人告状,我总会先问她到底是不是事实,她基本都会承认,于是我就告诉她下次不可再犯。 ,这让我想起一位邻居,那个男孩即使当着多人的面做了坏事,他父亲也是矢口否认,说他儿子不会干坏事,大家对那个孩子都是避之唯恐不及,也不知他后来怎样了。她在幼儿园里也是最受欢迎的孩子。教她的老师也是我们的邻居。有人问那个老师如何让孩子独立,懂礼貌,……,她就说,你去问杨林好了。

她两岁生日时,我带她跑了几个百货大楼,让她挑选了一个几十块钱的洋娃娃。她真是有眼力,那个穿红衣服的洋娃娃,是我见过的最漂亮的洋娃娃。那个很贵的洋娃娃,伴着她渡过了好几年,一直到晒在外面被人偷走了。

女儿从小就对音乐有很好的感觉。她一岁多时街上到处放迪斯科音乐,我只要把她往地上一放,她就会随着音乐摆起来,很多店员都非常惊奇:“这么点大的小孩就会跳迪斯科!”。有时坐在自行车里,听到音乐也会摇。后来上幼儿园直到一年级,她都是跳舞明星,用我们邻居的话说,“其他的孩子看上去都是木的”。到了美国,我就给她报名学芭蕾,但她不愿吃苦,看到别的小朋友很多都在学钢琴,就跟我们说她也想学钢琴。她的钢琴课一直到高中都没有停过,练琴也不需要我们多少的督促。

我出国时,她刚开始读一年级。那时的家属签证开始缩紧,签证官不看存款,只看奖学金额,知道存款可以是借来的。她们母女俩的第一次签证被拒,理由就是我的奖学金不够养活三口人。于是妻子的哥哥和姐姐都劝她,把女儿暂时给他们带,她一个人先出来。女儿也写信给我,跟我说她可以先留在国内,跟舅妈或者大姨,还有叔叔、姑姑也不远。我跟女儿说,“不行,要是你想爸爸妈妈了,或者爸爸妈妈也想你了,怎么办?”第二次签证,在我们系graduate director的帮助下,获得批准​​。她们到美国时,离我出国时间整整一年。那时我自己还没车,我的同学跟我一起去机场接她们母女俩。他在车上就跟我说,“从你们见面的样子,可以看得出你平常没有吹牛,你们父女之间的确很亲。”

来美国后,我们经常在晚饭后去散步。开始的几个月,她还说是更喜欢中国。在学校里也有好几个月因为语言不通没说一句话(第一次的Star考试,拿到成绩单时我们才知道有这回事。数学记得是百分之60几,她就做算式,但不会做应用题。英语好像是30%出头)。但她没有一句埋怨的话,每天都是高高兴兴地去等校车,高高兴兴地回来。因为她知道父母爱她,父母为她安排的一切是为她好。直到有一天,她在家里看了英国的电影The Secret Garden,第二天在学校里突然开口,介绍电影的梗概,让老师大吃一惊。第二年,我们又把她换到附近最好的学校。那个学校的入学有德语的要求,暑假必须找德语班给她补习。一年后,因为换专业和学校,她又不得不转学。

两年后因我的工作,她再次换学校。那时,她开始读初中。有一天她跟我说,“爸爸,我不想再换地方了”。可是,命运不掌握在我手里。一年多后,我工作的consulting公司因为难以找到客户,我被解雇。那时工作易找,H1难办。待业在家的几个月里(感谢原公司一直保留着我的身份),到处借钱,连她的一点零用钱也挪了出来。后来在同一城市找到工作,有朋友说,你女儿又可以去学琴了。我告诉他,“她的钢琴课本来就没停”。两个月后,接到加州一家公司的招聘,说H1已经办好。这个工作和加州的环境都很吸引我,但我想起女儿“不想再换地方了”这句话。我于是向神祷告,“主啊,请你给我一个印证,我是该留在这里,还是去加州?”我回家问女儿,“我在想是不是要去加州?”。她脱口而出,“加州好啊,我有一个朋友刚刚去了加州”。我们就这么来到了加州,尽管她和那个朋友并没有见面的机会,因为她在北加州,我们在南加州(其实,来加州的那年我们就去了北加州,可她并没有提见朋友的事,那个朋友的名字好像是叫Tatiana,父母是俄国人)。

来加州后,她开始读八年级,和她妈妈越来越有共同语言,我却越来越靠边站。她的学习不用我们操心,我记得她就问过我一次几何题,一次微积分题。我们也没有给她报名参加任何补习班,也没看见她熬夜,基本上10点就睡觉。她报考大学我们也没怎么插手。最后,在众多的录取信里,她选了离家最近的UCLA,为了经常能看到弟弟妹妹。

这里的高中有一个传统。在最后一个学期,学校秘密地让家长及学校以外的好友给学生写信,告诉他们是如何的special,父母借此表达对他们的爱,这的确是一个很好的传统,有些父母平常不善于和孩子交流,这是一个补救的时机。 (那些平常不善于和孩子口头交流的父母,不一定要等到这个时候,平常就可以给孩子写信、卡片、Email等,表达对他们的爱)。我把她在国内写给我的信复印几份,夹在我的信里。学校接着为毕业生办了一个校外活动,其中一项就是把这些信交给他们,给他们一个惊喜。第二天去学校接他们时,我能看出学生和父母的关系进了一步,学生们的脸上都挂着惊喜。我女儿说她不记得写过这些信。遗憾的是,我妻子没有把我写给女儿的信保留下来。

女儿大学毕业后,我妻子和我父母就为她还没有男朋友着急。我就问我妻子,你认识的这些男孩子,那个看得上?她说没有。我就说,找男朋友的事不能急,找个合适的不容易。用我女儿的话说,做一个中国人的女儿不容易,中学不能谈恋爱,大学一定要找到一个男朋友。这次婚礼,有300多人参加,他们两个人的朋友占了三分之二以上,也是她一个人在操办。婚礼上,不知道是不是为了照顾我这个舞盲,没有安排父女共舞的节目,而是给了我一个讲话的机会。我说了下面这些话:

Good evening, all the honored guests.

My parents, siblings and sibling in-laws are in China and unable to attend today's ceremony.

Sirui is her Chinese name, which means to think quick, smart. Sirui is indeed a smart person. From elementary school to college, she has been a straight A student, received president's award, graduated from High School as top 5, and entered UCLA with Regent's scholarship. She got a job offer during her internship and has been working there since her graduation from UCLA.

Sirui is also an honest, considerate and caring person. She respects for parents, loves her siblings, and cares for friends. During her childhood till middle school, she had to move frequently, from China to USA, from one city to another. She adapted to new environment very well, and made friends everywhere.

Sirui is a gift from God and faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ. She became baptized in 1997. Since then she has been active in the Church, helped to take care of younger kids at our bible study time, was group leader in Youth program and took missionary trip to Africa and Japan after her graduation from college.

Lot of our friends say that, whoever has Simin as his wife would be the luckiest man in the world. Congratulations, Chris, you are the luckiest man in the world.

每逢父亲节或者我的生日,她都有卡片,可惜我并没有留下来。其中两个卡片上的话我记得最清楚。一个是在她高中毕业前写的,说我“strong and tough”;另一个是前两年写的,感谢我从小对她严格,长大后慢慢放松,让她自主。

在她蜜月回来后,我跟她有一个简短的对话。我说,“人要离开父母,与妻子连合,二人成为一体”(创世记2:24)。从现在起,你就开始你自己的生活。我们不会插手你的家事,除非你需要我们帮助。即使你需要帮助,那还要看我们是不是有能力,是否愿意。
作者: 程宝林     时间: 2012-2-24 00:11
谢谢杨林兄贴出此文,让我等分享一个老爸的幸福与骄傲。
作者: 章凝     时间: 2012-2-24 11:55
祝贺杨林升级泰山!

西方老爹和女儿的感情深,嫁女是一件伤感事儿,看看这些著名的“嫁女歌”就知道了:

Top 10 Father Daughter Wedding Songs

Posted by Serena Raymond

The best father daughter wedding songs are the ones that perfectly express
the bond between the bride and her father -- as the two grace the dance
floor. Ranging from classical pop to jazzy big band, here are our Top 10
Father Daughter Wedding Songs to dance to on the big day.

10. 'I Will Always Love You'
Whitney Houston
The original author of this song, Dolly Parton, wrote it in 1973 for her
former business partner and mentor, country music star Porter Wagoner. Houston
later recorded the song for the movie 'The Bodyguard,' which was handpicked
by her co-star, Kevin Costner.

09. 'Wind Beneath My Wings'
Bette Midler
Six years before Bette Midler's version of this father daughter wedding
song won her a Grammy, Gary Morris' recording won Song of the Year at the
Academy of Country Music Awards.
Bette Midler Beaches

08. 'What a Wonderful World'
Louis Armstrong
After the Sept. 11 attacks, Clear Channel created a list of songs that might
not be appropriate for airplay, and 'What a Wonderful World' was included.
Ironically, the song was written as an 'antidote' to the stresses of the
modern world and is meant to lend listeners a few minutes of escapism.

07. 'Dance With My Father'
Luther Vandross
The title track off Vandross' last album before his death in 2005, this
song was his last to enter the Billboard Top 40. The Father Daughter favorite
was inspired by Vandross' nostalgic childhood memories dancing with his
ol' man.

06. 'Hero'
Mariah Carey
Carey was recruited to write this father daughter song for the film 'Hero,'
intending to have Gloria Estefan on vocals. (Carey apparently believed the
song sounded too old-fashioned.) However, after making the song more personal,
Carey decided that she would not only sing it, but not include it in the
movie after all.

05. 'The Way You Look Tonight'
Frank Sinatra
'The Way You Look Tonight' was originally performed by Fred Astaire and
was written by Jerome Kern and Dorothy Fields. Fields, a lyricist and author
of over 400 songs in her lifetime said, "The first time Jerry played that
melody for me I went out and started to cry. The release absolutely killed
me. I couldn't stop, it was so beautiful."
10 Best Frank Sinatra Songs

04. 'There You'll Be'
Faith Hill
This father daughter song was penned by Diane Warren specifically for the
movie 'Pearl Harbor.' It was first offered to Celine Dion, who sang Diane
Warren's 'My Heart Will Go On' for the 'Titanic' soundtrack, but Dion refused
and Faith Hill was chosen instead.
Faith Hill The Hits

03. 'You Raise Me Up'
Josh Groban
'You Raise Me Up' was originally an instrumental track titled 'Silent Story.'
The song is based on a traditional Irish tune that also lends its melody
to the popular 1910 song 'Danny Boy.' The lyrics for this father daughter
song were written by Brendan Graham, and after it became a hit in Europe,
Josh Groban was elected to perform it.
Josh Groban

02. 'Because You Loved Me'
Celine Dion
The No. 2 track on our Father Daughter Wedding Songs list was written by
Diane Warren. The single stayed at No.1 on the Hot Adult Contemporary Tracks
for 19 weeks.
Because You Loved Me Celine Dion

01. 'Butterfly Kisses'
Bob Carlisle
The No. 1 father daughter wedding song was written by Carlisle as a tribute
to his daughter. The same year Carlisle released his version, two other
country artists made covers of the song. Obviously, the love put into Carlisle'
s song resonated with other fathers. The song went on to receive a Grammy
Award for Best Country Song.

http://www.aolradioblog.com/2009/07/06/top-10-father-daughter-wedding-songs/
作者: 杨林     时间: 2012-2-26 01:58
谢谢!
第一首有人在CND上贴出来,也是在《女儿出嫁了》的线上。写得的确很感人。
作者: 冬雪儿     时间: 2012-2-26 10:28
“每天在被窝里,我的胸前贴着一双小手和两只小脚,是最幸福的时刻,那时父女俩的距离贴得最近”。——真是父爱如山!朴素、感人父女情深!
作者: thesunlover     时间: 2012-3-1 10:43
共鸣!

爱极小女,将来她出嫁,我不知道会怎样地悲喜交集!

引用:
Originally posted by 冬雪儿 at 2012-2-26 10:28:
“每天在被窝里,我的胸前贴着一双小手和两只小脚,是最幸福的时刻,那时父女俩的距离贴得最近”。——真是父爱如山!朴素、感人父女情深!


作者: xyy     时间: 2012-3-1 16:37
  好文要慢慢地咀嚼,我咀嚼得滿口留香,滿腹溫馨。說實在,讀完此文,我有點為楊兄捨不得嫁女。但婚嫁是人生大事,必經之路,除了祝願小倆口好,也希望父女情深不要稀釋了纔是。

  末句“即使你需要帮助,那还要看我们是不是有能力,是否愿意”,我讀了不是滋味。儘管很實際,也可能是好意,我還是要建議你移除此句。
作者: 杨林     时间: 2012-3-1 20:03


引用:
Originally posted by xyy at 2012-3-1 01:37 PM:
  好文要慢慢地咀嚼,我咀嚼得滿口留香,滿腹溫馨。說實在,讀完此文,我有點為楊兄捨不得嫁女。但婚嫁是人生大事,必經之路,除了祝願小倆口好,也希望父女情深不要稀釋了纔是。

  末句“即使你需要帮助,那还要看我们是不是有能力,是否愿意”,我讀了不是滋味。儘管很實際,也可能是好意,我還是要建議你移除此句。

谢谢喜欢。

我这个人特理性,包括养儿育女。从小就培养他们的独立性,就是为了他们长大后能够自由地飞翔。既然已经结婚成家,父母就是完全放手的时候。
作者: 诗人之赋     时间: 2012-3-2 01:02
可怜天下父母心!(我有很多话要说,但尽在不言中)
作者: 冬雪儿     时间: 2012-3-2 02:44
“共鸣!

爱极小女,将来她出嫁,我不知道会怎样地悲喜交集!”——是啊,我在写那个回复时,心中就暗自想着,伊甸还有章凝,爱女儿如心肝宝贝。




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