Board logo

标题: [原创] 分析和翻译【柯林斯的围攻】 [打印本页]

作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2015-10-2 07:41     标题: [原创] 分析和翻译【柯林斯的围攻】

读拜伦的【柯林斯的围攻】我注意到以下几点:

1) 双行体的音节不一定要整齐,差一个两个是可以接受的,
譬如:
And proved, by many a deed of death,  (9个音节)

How firm his heart in novel faith.  (8个音节)



双行体与双行体之间的音节也无需严格对整,8--10个之间徘徊。双行体间逻辑承接联系紧密。

Or into countless meteors driven, (10个音节)

Its earth-stars melted into heaven; (9音节)

Whose clouds that day grew doubly dun, (8音节)

Impervious to the hidden sun,  (8 个音节)


叙事诗较14行诗容易理解, 因为是叙事, 时间,地点,人物,事情都有了。


我对 【柯林斯的围攻】第一节的理解,或许有误,请感兴趣的专家不吝指正:  

In the year since Jesus died for men,
在耶稣为人类得救而死后的某年

Eighteen hundred years and ten,
公元一八一零年
We were a gallant company,
我们是支勇敢的军队

Riding o'er land, and sailing o'er sea
我们翻山越岭,远航大海

Oh !    but we went merrily !
哦!我们出征,乐此不倦!

We forded the river, and clomb the high hill,
我们越过河流,攀上高山,

Never our steeds for a day stood still;
马不停蹄,不断前进  

Whether we lay in the cave or the shed,
不管是躺在山洞,抑或睡在小棚里,
Our sleep fell soft on the hardest bed:
在最硬绷绷的床上我们也感觉柔软
Whether we couch'd in our rough capote,
不管是躺在我们粗糙的车篷内,还是

On the rougher plank of our gliding boat.
在更粗糙的划船木板上。

(To be continued)
作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2015-10-2 08:13
浪漫诗人之死。


亲爱的
我在回家路上
我很想快点儿见到你

......(此处省略500字)

这边天气不好
我人在车里
车在雨中

我连人带车。。。
在山谷里
我爱你
永远
。。。

(诗人开始感觉呼吸困难,头开始发晕。。。最后敲下的是:手机。 )
作者: 徐英才     时间: 2015-10-2 09:35
但不影响其iambic节奏:

And proved, by many a deed of death,  (9个音节)
-     +          -   +   -     +      -  +      
How firm his heart in novel faith.  (8个音节)
-      +     -   +      -   + -    +


Or into countless meteors driven, (10个音节)
-   + -  +      -     +  -       +
Its earth-stars melted into heaven; (9音节)
-    +      -       +   -    + -  +
Whose clouds that day grew doubly dun, (8音节)
-         +        -      +   -       +     -  +
Impervious to the hidden sun,  (8 个音节)
-   +   -      +  -    +   -    +

-表示轻音,+表示重音。符号本来是跟文字对齐的,发出以后就变了。
作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2015-10-2 09:40
thanks! but i am sorry I don't understand,  would you  please explain?  

+  - looks like doing math.

我不明白在这里:Or into countless meteors driven, (10个音节)
-   + -  +      -     +  -       +

10个音节得8个+ 和-  ?
作者: 徐英才     时间: 2015-10-2 10:40
-表示轻音,+表示重音。符号本来是跟文字对齐的,发出以后就变了。
作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2015-10-2 10:54
ThanKs!是我数错了吗,?我数出10个,ven,ed,Less.不算吗?谢谢!  在廖教授的【吟月】诗里Communism 的 Sm不算音节。 所以,我猜类似的尾音也不算?


(我刚刚收到一个电邮: “刘诗人,接9/30电邮附件头像,很神气。。。”    可是我刚刚写了“浪漫诗人之死”  
恐怕我得回复: 多谢美言, 实不敢当诗人  。。。)


OK. I think I  need to do further investigation. I am still confused.   不明白的地方: 10个音节得出4音步。
作者: 徐英才     时间: 2015-10-2 11:30
Or into countless meteors driven, (10个音节)
-   + -  +      -     +  -       +
Its earth-stars melted into heaven; (9音节)
-    +      -       +   -    + -  +
Whose clouds that day grew doubly dun, (8音节)
-         +        -      +   -       +     -  +
Impervious to the hidden sun,  (8 个音节)
-   +   -      +  -    +   -    +

我认为这一节是iambic tetrameter(四音步抑扬格)。虽然第一行是十个音节,但只有四个音步,这就与下面几行的音步相吻合了。

不然这个driven的“音步重音”就落到了“词汇的轻音”上了:

Or into countless meteors driven, (10个音节)
-   + -  +      -     +   -+    -   +
作者: 廖康     时间: 2015-10-2 11:51
要有元音才能算是一个音节。

引用:
Originally posted by Xiaoman at 2015-10-2 03:54 PM:
ThanKs!是我数错了吗,?我数出10个,ven,ed,Less.不算吗?谢谢!  在廖教授的【吟月】诗里Communism 的 Sm不算音节。 所以,我猜类似的尾音也不算?


(我刚刚收到一个电邮: “刘诗人,接9/30电邮附件头..


作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2015-10-2 13:54
多谢廖教授和路兄拔刀相助。我再研究研究。

刚刚偷空翻译几句拜伦的 She Walks in Beauty

I

She walks in beauty, like the night
   Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
   Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
   Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

     凌波微步

凌波微步,娉婷摇曳
她是那星罗棋布之夜;
明暗交织,阴晴均衡
映照光润玉颜眼波横:
玉壶光转,明媚耀目
白昼苍天下或显艳俗。

To be continued
作者: 徐英才     时间: 2015-10-2 21:58
十个音节不一定都是五个音步,那样的话,scansion就太容易了。实际上,scansion常常并不那么容易。
作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2015-10-2 22:38
我不懂这个,拜伦顺手拈来,天才也,请路老师指教。周末愉快!

维基:

以莎士比亞第18首十四行詩,Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? 為例,採用弱強五步格(Iambic pentameter),也就是一句中有五個音步,每個音步先弱後強(黑體字為重音,正常字體為輕音):
Shall I // com-pare // thee to // a sum- // mer's day?
作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2015-10-3 08:42
以下的分析又支持了一下我开头提出的论点:双行体句的音节少2个,多2个都可以接受?  是否说明拜伦在写的时候不那么在意格律,选正确的词把事情叙述清楚是重点,押尾韵是叙述诗的一大特色。)

Though he heard the sound, and could almost tell (10 音节)

The sullen words of the sentinel, (9音节)

As his measured step on the stone below (10 音节)

Clank'd, as he paced it to and fro;  (8 个 音节)

And he saw the lean dogs beneath the wall (10 )

Hold o'er the dead their carnival, (9 )

Gorging and growling o'er carcass and limb; (9 个音节? 还是11个?Ing元音应该算一个音节吗?)

They were too busy to bark at him ! (9 )

From a Tartar's skull they had stripp'd the flesh, (10)

As ye peel the fig when its fruit is fresh; (10)

And their white tusks crunch'd o'er the whiter skull, (11)

As it slipp'd through their jaws, when their edge grew dull, (11)

As they lazily mumbled the bones of the dead,  (12音节)

When they scarce could rise from the spot where they fed;  (11 音节)

So well had they broken a lingering fast (10 . ing不算?)

With those who had fallen for that night's repast. ( 10. Len不算?)


。。。。。。

And Alp knew, by the turbans that roll'd on the sand,  (12)

The foremost of these were the best of his band: (11)

Crimson and green were the shawls of their wear, (10)

And each scalp had a single long tuft of hair, (11)

All the rest was shaven and bare. (8)

The scalps were in the wild dog's maw, (8)

The hair was tangled round his jaw:  (8)

But close by the shore, on the edge of the gulf, (11)

There sat a vulture flapping a wolf, (9)




根据这个字典 Ing算一个音节
going

How many syllables in going?   2 syllables
Divide going into syllables:   go-ing
How to pronounce going:   go-ing
How to say going:   How to pronounce going

http://www.howmanysyllables.com/words/going

Crimson and green were the shawls of their wear,

And each scalp had a single long tuft of hair,

All the rest was shaven and bare.


这三句尾韵一样放一起? 跟前后的双句押韵显得不一样。 不知道什么原因诗人这样铺排或是其他什么原因。或许决定这样也无伤大雅。 画鸡蛋谁也画不出同样的两个,除非是Copy And Paste?   



为什么是抑扬格而不是扬抑格?谢谢!
作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2015-10-3 14:37
千里修书只为墙,
让他三尺又何妨。
万里长城今犹在,
不见当年秦始皇。

A thousand miles away, what a freak,
you send a letter just for the wall.
It won't hurt to yield to him three feet,
as when you look at today's  Great Wall.
It is still there, never disappears
but the first emperor of those years.  


我试把四行的古诗翻译成6行ABABCC格。这样提供更大的空间去从容地装载原诗的意思,也不会失去美观。?(偷空译。有不正确的地方,请不吝赐教)

  不知道以前是否有人用这种方法来翻译。可惜,有兴趣讨论的人不多。


在英诗的格律里是否只考虑 A E I O U这几个元音所发的音?  所以我也没肯定我所提出的说法是否正确。
虽然Ing 这些发音在英语里视为一个音节,不知道在英诗是什么情况。 谢谢!
作者: 徐英才     时间: 2015-10-4 07:24
昨天家里来人,一天没上网。这里就我所了解的说一说。从历史发展的角度看:

1. 最初的双行诗非常严格,两行必须押韵,而且诗思必须独立,不能前行或者后移。

2. 到了浪漫主义时期(十八世纪后叶与十九世纪初叶),人们受当时时代精神的影响,渴望自由,不愿受任何拘束,那时的双行诗就比较自由。

3. 拜伦正好处于这个时代,所以他的双行诗比较自由。

4. 据我的观察(不一定对),双行诗是说要双行(to couple),就是要两两相对,相对了就行了,至于音节,并不一定要十个。但十个音节的双行诗多一些。
作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2015-10-4 07:41


引用:
Originally posted by at 2015-10-4 07:24:
昨天家里来人,一天没上网。这里就我所了解的说一说。从历史发展的角度看:

1. 最初的双行诗非常严格,两行必须押韵,而且诗思必须独立,不能前行或者后移。

2. 到了浪漫主义时期(十八世纪后叶与十九世纪初..

多谢路老师百忙中抽空来解答。原来这样,拜伦是英國獨領風騷的浪漫主義文學泰斗,我很喜欢读【唐璜】已经翻译了差不多10个Stanzas.  

另外,我觉得他的She Walks In Beauty 也可以用骈文的形式来翻译。曹植的【洛神赋】中那个美丽绝伦,飘渺迷离美女就如拜伦诗中那个She。
作者: Xiaoman     时间: 2016-7-15 16:31
学习拜伦的childe Horald's Pi lgrimage 分析


http://www.gradesaver.com/lord-byrons-poems/study-guide/summary-childe-harolds-pilgrimage-canto-i




欢迎光临 伊甸文苑 (http://yidian.org/) Powered by Discuz! 2.5