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标题: [原创] 题美女网友闻荷照 上一主题 | 下一主题
fanghuzhai

#1  [原创] 题美女网友闻荷照

楚天暑散莲叶开,淑女塘边自徘徊。问君哪得醉如许,为有清香荷里来。

As the sky of Chu is freed of the summer heat,
Fully grown are the lotus leaves.
A fair lady comes dressed nice and neat.
Lingering about, she cares not to leave.
How come, may I ask, my fair lady,
So enchanted you do seem to be?
Behold, this pretty petal of the lotus flower
With such a fragrance does capture me!

第  1 幅


2016-8-28 19:46
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Xiaoman

#2  

哈哈哈! :) 好诗,好译! 喜欢!


2016-8-28 19:52
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fanghuzhai

#3  

这首诗是倒着做的,先有后两句,凑前两句,然后翻译。


2016-8-28 20:38
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小草

#4  



引用:
Originally posted by fanghuzhai at 2016-8-29 12:46 AM:
楚天暑散莲叶开,淑女塘边自徘徊。问君哪得醉如许,为有清香荷里来。

As the sky of Chu is freed of the summer heat,
Fully grown are the lotus leaves.
A fair lady comes dressed nice and neat.
Ling..

好诗,妙译!赏学了!


2016-8-28 21:15
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小草

#5  



引用:
Originally posted by Xiaoman at 2016-8-29 02:49 AM:
楚天暑散莲叶开,淑女塘边自徘徊。问君哪得醉如许,为有清香荷里来。

倩影徘徊荷塘边,
聘聘袅袅好华年。
回眸一笑百媚生,
谁家淑女画中仙?

:)))

Wow, amazing indeed very gifted...


2016-8-28 21:53
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Xiaoman

#6  

丽人徘徊荷塘边,
娉娉袅袅好华年。
顾盼双眸剪秋水,
谁家淑女画中仙?

Thank you Little Grass!  Just modified it.



2016-8-28 22:02
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Xiaoman

#7  

借来的“剪秋水“


2016-8-28 22:33
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小草

#8  



引用:
Originally posted by Xiaoman at 2016-8-29 03:02 AM:
丽人徘徊荷塘边,
娉娉袅袅好华年。
顾盼双眸剪秋水,
谁家淑女画中仙?

Thank you Little Grass!  Just modified it.


更妙了,赞一个!


2016-8-29 03:52
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小草

#9  



引用:
Originally posted by fanghuzhai at 2016-8-29 12:46 AM:
楚天暑散莲叶开,淑女塘边自徘徊。问君哪得醉如许,为有清香荷里来。

As the sky of Chu is freed of the summer heat,
Fully grown are the lotus leaves.
A fair lady comes dressed nice and neat.
Ling..

Right now I am on the train, so I give it a try for fun as well

《荷塘淑女》-方壶斋

楚天暑散莲叶开,
淑女塘边自徘徊。
问君哪得醉如许,
为有清香荷里来。

A Quatrain By Fang Huzhai
(A Belle By Lotus Lake)

The sky of Chu cooleth down; the lotus leaves unfurl,
Along the lotus lake tarrieth a comely girl.
Wherefore couldst thou be so besotted may I ask?
For th' fragrance from the sweet lotuses that uncurl.


Tr. Xiao Ciao


2016-8-29 05:26
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Xiaoman

#10  



引用:
Originally posted by 小草 at 2016-8-29 05:26:


Right now I am on the train, so I give it a try for fun as well

The sky of Chu cooleth down; the lotus flowers blow,
A belle by the lotus lake tarrieth to and fro.
Wherefore couldst thou..

鲁拜体。好。




火车上译诗应该是很享受的事情。



使君才气卷波澜。与把好诗再译
2016-8-29 06:20
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小草

#11  



引用:
Originally posted by Xiaoman at 2016-8-29 11:20 AM:

鲁拜体。好。




火车上译诗应该是很享受的事情。

呵呵呵,瞎鼓捣而已,请小曼同学不吝赐教!


2016-8-29 07:22
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小草

#12  

这个译得不好,得重译一下。


2016-8-29 21:23
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Xiaoman

#13  

好,等你弄好再更新。

那边几个大腕要对付我了, :) 我搬你们的作品去砸场子,然后请他们过来这里华山论剑。


2016-8-29 21:29
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Xiaoman

#14  

 “伊甸文苑的翻译家小草的翻译特点: 通畅练达,擅长古英语的运用, 擅长鲁拜体,双行体等押韵格式。他以速度著称,在火车上一会就能翻译一首, 可见速度之快。” 

http://bbs.wenxuecity.com/mysj/2 ... ge=0&backSubid=mysj



2016-8-29 21:37
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小草

#15  

修改了一下,看看如何?第一句比原来好。可能最后一句偏离原文


2016-8-29 21:40
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小草

#16  



引用:
Originally posted by Xiaoman at 2016-8-30 02:37 AM:
 “伊甸文苑的翻译家小草的翻译特点: 通畅练达,擅长古英语的运用, 擅长鲁拜体,双行体等押韵格式。他以速度著称,在火车上一会就能翻译一首, 可见速度之快。” 

[url]http://bbs.wenxuecity.com/mysj/21..

哈哈哈,我现在就在火车上,哈哈哈


2016-8-29 21:45
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Xiaoman

#17  

Beautiful! I thought about Rubaiyat style 2 years ago when I began to translate poems although I didn't know that it was Rubaiyat back then.


2016-8-29 21:47
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小草

#18  



引用:
Originally posted by Xiaoman at 2016-8-30 02:47 AM:
Beautiful! I thought about Rubaiyat style 2 years ago when I began to translate poems although I didn't know that it was Rubaiyat back then.

Yeah it naturally matches our 绝句


2016-8-29 21:49
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小草

#19  

I have revised my shoddy version again, and hope it might be better ...


2016-8-30 04:44
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Xiaoman

#20  

I got it, Little Grass, thank you! : )

I just added new translation to my thread--方教授的“胡笳十八拍” 译文和我与小草的讨论:

点击: http://www.yidian.org/articlelist.php?tid=23810

点击: http://bbs.translators.com.cn/forum/cat71/75300-与国外几位世界顶级翻译高手,专业博士,翻译教授讨论诗词,散文,小说等的翻译及我的诗词翻译,中英双语文章等练习,包括“-金缕曲”,“恨赋”-等等#350079

这个帖子看标题就没法抗拒。
难怪那边的同学们很感谢,反应踊跃,点击飙升。

我在这里和各位老师的讨论中学习了不少,很感谢!


2016-8-30 07:02
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小草

#21  



引用:
Originally posted by Xiaoman at 2016-8-30 12:02 PM:
I got it, Little Grass, thank you! : )

I just added new translation to my thread--方教授的“胡笳十八拍” 译文和我与小草的讨论:

点击: [url]http://www.yidian.org/articlelist.php?tid=23810[/ur..

哪边?


2016-8-30 07:25
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小草

#22  

無日無夜兮不思我鄉土,稟氣含生兮莫過我最苦。天災國亂兮人無主,唯我薄命兮沒戎虜。殊俗心異兮身難處,嗜欲不同兮誰可與語!尋思涉歷兮多艱阻,四拍成兮益凄楚。

I think of my home day and night.
I am the bitterest soul in sight
When disasters came, my country was lord-less
Yet I alone was ill fated to become captured mistress
Their alien customs are hard to accommodate
No one to talk to and no food to my taste ----
Looking back at my hardship and suffering
This fourth stanza I am even sadder to sing


小曼同学,方教授译得真好!

Sth on one's plate is an idiom, but I wonder if I could use it ...hmmm,

Blah...blah...hard to accommodate
.... no food to / for my taste on my plate...

Two my, hmmm, no good, hahaha, all good, I deem I might give this stanza a try for fun a little later on...


2016-8-30 07:44
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小草

#23  

Ok, I give the fourth stanza a try for fun only...

《胡笳十八拍》(第四节)

無日無夜兮不思我鄉土,
稟氣含生兮莫過我最苦。
天災國亂兮人無主,
唯我薄命兮沒戎虜。
殊俗心異兮身難處,
嗜欲不同兮誰可與語!
尋思涉歷兮多艱阻,
四拍成兮益凄楚。


The Fourth Song

I am, yearning for my home day and night,
The bitterest soul in the poorest plight.
When havoc betided, our liege lord took flight,
I was alone captured by the tartar wight.
To whom I’d talk? Their food killeth my app’tite,
Recalling my traumas that did me fright,
In this fourth song my grief is not finite.

Tr. Xiao Cao

原玉一韵到底,拙绎玩个一韵到底,呵呵呵


2016-8-31 06:58
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fanghuzhai

#24  

题美女网友郊游图

一坝两坡锁碧川,平湖漾漾展眼前。
水绿石白歇行脚,天高云淡看山边。
为有新秋多兴致,喜唤旧友访罗田,
嬉弄稻菽千重浪,三楚美人赛神仙。

The dam between two hills locking the river is indeed a feat
Creating a rippling lake that greets the eyes of passers-by
By the green water the white rocks are good for resting tired feet
Under the vaulting sky thin clouds are floating o’ver the mountains high
As autumn is fresh, so is the mood and spirit of the heart gay
Old acquaintances are summoned to an outing on a clear day
Yonder fondling the wavy crops of paddy rice
Beauties of the ancient Chu states do look very nice

还算草稿


2016-9-22 19:53
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海外逸士

#25  

原來小草沒走,只是旅行去了。


2016-9-23 10:14
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