【长恨歌 】是白居易长篇叙事名诗，是一个关于唐玄宗和杨贵妃的爱情悲剧故事。 全诗主题围绕一个“恨” 字张开叙述。 这是一首值得翻译和介绍给西方读者的诗。 我自己还没有开始翻译这首， 只读了许渊冲和本坛海外逸士的翻译版本。 我没读翻译之前有这样的感觉： 因为这是一首叙事长诗，翻译成英语的时候应该用叙事诗的风格： Epic Style, 这个风格的特色是双行体和押韵。什么是Epic Style? 我们可以参考拜伦的作品， 他的诗歌多数是叙事诗的风格。譬如：1）Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage ：
https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/childe-harolds-pilgrimage-there-pleasure-pathless-woods
2）The Vision of Judgement:
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-vision-of-judgment-2/
3) Ｄｏｎ Ｊｕａｎ：
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/173084
我上一帖【如何评论他人的作品】说过，评论也是学习的过程，本着正面积极的态度。 我写这篇评论时也查阅相关的文章，学习如何写评论：1）
http://baike.baidu.com/subview/273248/6922813.htm 1）
http://library.concordia.ca/help/writing/literature-review.php
3）
http://www.lib.uoguelph.ca/get-assistance/writing/specific-types-papers/writing-literature-review 这是我第一次写文学评论，所以也做了一些功课。
首先我要肯定的是海外逸士的努力【长恨歌】，他为论坛贡献的英语翻译文本，可以看出他多年孜孜不倦的刻苦和努力。 我对许渊冲先生认识不多，只知道他翻译超过60本书，中英法互译天下第一人，舍我其谁，在中国翻译界无人不知。
言归正传，海外逸士翻译的前四句：
漢皇重色思傾國，The emperor of Han preferred women of great beauty,
御宇多年求不得。He sought them out for years but in vain.
楊家有女初長成，A girl in the Yang family just grew up,
養在深閨人未識。Not known to anyone, been raised in deep boudoir.
这几句的意思是： “唐明皇偏好美色，当上皇帝后多年来一直在寻找美女，却都是一无所获。杨家有个女儿刚刚长大，十分娇艳，养在深闺中，外人不知她美丽绝伦。
天生丽质、倾国倾城让她很难埋没世间，果然没多久便成为了唐明皇身边的一个妃嫔。”
看得出，第二句没有达意。 根据叙事诗Epic Style的要求，这四句没有押韵。 许渊冲的翻译，头四句，按照叙事诗的风格，做对了。
海外士逸的这句：御宇多年求不得He sought them out for years but in vain
原句意思是这个皇帝多年来一直在寻找美女，却都是一无所获。 Sought them out 意思是把美女找出来了，与原句不符。后面一句but in vain让人莫名其妙。 我的理解是： He looked for them in vain
许渊冲翻译的前四句
汉皇重色思倾国，御宇多年求不得。
杨家有女初长成，养在深闺人未识。
The beauty-loving monarch longed year after year
To find a beautiful lady without peer.
A maiden of the Yangs* to womanhood just grown,
In inner chambers bred, to the world was unknown. （好）
对于意形韵，海外逸士一开头就没做对。
跟着的后面四行的意思是：天生丽质、倾国倾城让她很难埋没世间，果然没多久便成为了唐明皇身边的一个妃嫔。她回眸一笑时，千姿百态、娇媚横生；六官妃嫔，一个个都黯然失色。
海外逸士翻译：
天生麗質難自棄，Born too beautiful to be married commonly, （译者表达的意思：生得太漂亮以致无法被人平凡地娶走 （评论者按：看不懂）
一朝選在君王側。She was eventually chosen at the side of the emperor. （评论者按：eventually是一朝的意思吗？ 原句意思：是没多久她便成为了唐明皇身边的一个妃嫔。)
回眸一笑百媚生，One glance back from her beams one hundred kinds of charm,
六宮粉黛無顏色。And the beauty of all the ladies in the six palaces1 was shadowed.
许渊冲翻译的：
天生丽质难自弃，一朝选在君王侧。回眸一笑百媚生，六宫粉黛无颜色。
Endowed with natural beauty too hard to hide,
One day she stood selected for the monarch’s side.
Turning her head, she smiled so sweet and full of grace
That she outshone in six palaces the fairest face.
（评论者按：意形韵都好，Outshone 用得好。 Stood Selected ？ 我的理解是：She was selected to stand by the Emperor's side ）
窥一斑而见全豹，剩下的译文评论从略。 给海外逸士的建议，他的翻译，美或不美，各花入各眼，我不便多说， 但翻译最基本是要达意，希望他能从达意做起。他的翻译过于冗长，应该精简， 建议他多看英语叙事诗去培养语感。
长恨歌中英文对照
白居易原文
长恨歌
翻译：许渊冲（诗译英法惟一人）
THE EVERLASTING REGRET
汉皇重色思倾国，御宇多年求不得。
杨家有女初长成，养在深闺人未识。
The beauty-loving monarch longed year after year
To find a beautiful lady without peer.
A maiden of the Yangs* to womanhood just grown,
In inner chambers bred, to the world was unknown.
*Yang Yu-huan (719-756) was the favourite mistress of Emperor Xuan
Zong (reigned 725-768) of the Tang Dynasty.
天生丽质难自弃，一朝选在君王侧。回眸一笑百媚生，六宫粉黛无颜色。
Endowed with natural beauty too hard to hide,
One day she stood selected for the monarch’s side.
Turning her head, she smiled so sweet and full of grace
That she outshone in six palaces the fairest face.
春寒赐浴华清池，温泉水滑洗凝脂。
She bathed in glassy water of warm-fountain pool,
Which laved and smoothed her creamy skin when spring was cool.
侍儿扶起娇无力，始是新承恩泽时。
Upborne by her attendants, she rose too faint to move,
And this was when she first received the monarch’s love.
云鬓花颜金步摇，芙蓉帐暖度春宵。
Flowerlike face and cloudlike hair, golden-headdressed,
In lotus-flower curtain she spent the night blessed.
春宵苦短日高起，从此君王不早朝。
She slept till sun rose high, for the blessed night was short,
From then on the monarch held no longer morning court.
承欢侍宴无闲暇，春从春游夜专夜。
In revels as in feasts she shared her lord’s delight,
His companion on trips and his mistress at night.
后宫佳丽三千人，三千宠爱在一身。
In inner palace dwelt three thousand ladies fair;
On her alone was lavished royal love and care.
金星妆成娇侍夜，玉楼宴罢醉和春。
Her beauty served the night when dressed in Golden Bower
Or drunk with wine and spring at banquet in Jade Tower.
姊妹弟兄皆列士，可怜光彩生门户。
遂令天下父母心，不重生男重生女。
All her sisters and brothers received rank and fief
And honours showered on her household, to the grief
Of the fathers and mothers who’d rather give birth
To a fair maiden than any son on earth.
骊宫高处入青云，仙乐风飘处处闻。缓歌慢舞凝丝竹，尽日君王看不足。
The lofty palace towered high into blue cloud,
With wind-borne music so divine the air was loud.
Seeing slow dance and hearing fluted or stringed song,
The emperor was never tired the whole day long.
渔阳鼙鼓动地来，惊破霓裳羽衣曲。
But rebels** beat their war drums, making the earth quake
And “Song of Rainbow Skirt and Coat of Feathers” break.
** The revolt broke out in 755 and forced the emperor to flee from the capital.
九重城阙烟尘生，千乘万骑西南行。
A cloud of dust was raised o’er city walls nine-fold;
Thousands of chariots and horsemen southwestward rolled.
翠华摇摇行复止，西出都门百馀里。
Imperial flags moved slowly now and halted then,
And thirty miles from Western Gate they stopped again.
六军不发无奈何，宛转蛾眉马前死。
Six armies would not march -- what could be done? -- with speed
Until the Lady Yang was killed before the steed.
花钿委地无人收，翠翘金雀玉搔头。
None would pick up her hairpin fallen to the ground
Or golden bird and comb with which her head was crowned.
君王掩面救不得，回看血泪相和流。
The monarch could not save her and hid his face in fear;
Turning his head, he saw her blood mix with his tear.
黄埃散漫风萧索，云栈萦纡登剑阁。
The yellow dust spread wide, the wind blew desolate;
A serpentine plank path led to cloud-capped Sword Gate.
峨嵋山下少人行，旌旗无光日色薄。
Below the Eyebrow Mountains wayfarers were few;
In fading sunlight royal standards lost their hue.
蜀江水碧蜀山青，圣主朝朝暮暮情。
On western waters blue and western mountains green
The monarch’s heart was daily gnawed by sorrow keen.
行宫见月伤心色，夜雨闻铃肠断声。
The moon viewed from his tent shed a soul-searing light,
The bells heard in night rain made a heart-rending sound.
天旋地转回龙驭，到此踌躇不能去。
马嵬坡下泥土中，不见玉颜空死处。
Suddenly turned the tide. Returning from his flight,
The monarch could not tear himself away from the ground
Where ‘mid the clods beneath the slope he couldn’t forget
The fair-faced Lady Yang, who was unfairly slain.
君臣相顾尽沾衣，东望都门信马归。
He looked at ministers, with tears his robe was wet;
They rode east to the capital, but with loose rein.
归来池苑皆依旧，太液芙蓉未央柳。
Back, he found her pond and garden in the old place,
With lotus in the lake and willows by the hall.
芙蓉如面柳如眉，对此如何不泪垂！
春风桃李花开日，秋雨梧桐叶落时。
Willow leaves like her brows and lotus like her face;
At the sight of all these, how could his tears not fall
Or when in vernal breeze were peach and plum full-blown
Or when in autumn rain parasol leaves were shed?
西宫南内多秋草，落叶满阶红不扫。
In western as in southern court was grass o’ergrown;
With fallen leaves unswept the marble steps turned red.
梨园子弟白发新，椒房阿监青娥老。
Actors, although still young, began to have hair grey;
Eunuchs and waiting maids looked old in palace deep.
夕殿萤飞思悄然，孤灯挑尽未成眠。迟迟钟鼓初长夜，耿耿星河欲曙天。
Fireflies flitting the hall, mutely he pined away;
The lonely lampwick burned out; still he could not sleep.
Slowly beat drums and rang bells; night began to grow long;
Bright shone the Milky Way; daybreak seemed to come late.
鸳鸯瓦冷霜华重，翡翠衾寒谁与共？悠悠生死别经年，魂魄不曾来入梦。
The lovebird tiles grew chilly with hoar frost so strong,
And his kingfisher quilt was cold, not shared by a mate.
One long, long year the dead and the living were parted;
Her soul came not in dreams to see the brokenhearted.
临邛道士鸿都客，能以精诚致魂魄。
A Taoist sorcerer came to the palace door,
Skilled to summon the spirit from the other shore.
为感君王辗转思，遂教方士殷勤觅。
Moved by the monarch’s yearning for the departed fair,
He was ordered to seek for her everywhere.
排空驭气奔如电，升天入地求之遍。上穷碧落下黄泉，两处茫茫皆不见。
Borne on the air, like flash of lightning he flew;
In heaven and on earth he searched through and through.
Up to the azure vault and down to deepest place,
Nor above nor below could he e’er find her trace.
忽闻海上有仙山，山在虚无缥缈间。楼阁玲珑五云起，其中绰约多仙子。
He learned that on the sea were fairy mountains proud
That now appeared, now disappeared amid the cloud
Of rainbow colours where rose magnificent bowers
And dwelt so many fairies as graceful as flowers.
中有一人字太真，雪肤花貌参差是。
Among them was a queen whose name was Ever True;
Her snow-white skin and sweet face might afford a clue.
金阙西厢叩玉扃，转教小玉报双成。
Knocking at western gate of palace hall, he bade
The porter fair to inform the queen’s waiting maid.
闻道汉家天子使，九华帐里梦魂惊。
When she heard there came the monarch’s embassy,
The queen was startled out of dreams in her canopy.
揽衣推枕起徘徊，珠箔银屏迤逦开。云鬓半偏新睡觉，花冠不整下堂来。
Pushing aside the pillow, she rose and got dressed,
Passing through silver screen and pearl shade to meet the guest.
Her cloudlike hair awry, not full awake at all,
Her flowery cap slanted, she came into the hall.
风吹仙袂飘飘举，犹似霓裳羽衣舞。
The wind blew up her fairy sleeves and made them float
As if she danced the “Rainbow Skirt and Feathered Coat.”
玉容寂寞泪阑干，梨花一枝春带雨。
Her jade-white face crisscrossed with tears in lonely world
Like a spray of pear blossoms in spring rain impearled.
含情凝睇谢君王，一别音容两渺茫。
She bade him thank her lord, lovesick and brokenhearted;
They knew nothing of each other after they parted.
昭阳殿里恩爱绝，蓬莱宫中日月长。
Love and happiness long ended within palace walls;
Days and months appeared long in the fairyland halls.
回头下望人寰处，不见长安见尘雾。
Turning her head and fixing on the earth her gaze,
She saw no capital ’mid clouds of dust and haze.
唯将旧物表深情，钿合金钗寄将去。
To show her love was deep, she took out keepsakes old
For him to carry back, hairpin and case of gold.
钗留一股合一扇，钗擘黄金合分钿。
Keeping one side of the case and one wing of the pin,
She sent to her dear lord the other half of the twin.
但教心似金钿坚，天上人间会相见。
“If our two hearts as firm as the gold should remain.
In heaven or on earth we’ll sometime meet again.”
临别殷勤重寄词，词中有誓两心知。
At parting she confided to the messenger
A secret vow known only to her lord and her.
七月七日长生殿，夜半无人私语时。
On seventh day of seventh moon when none was near,
At midnight in Long Life Hall he whispered in her ear,
在天愿作比翼鸟，在地愿为连理枝。
“On high, we’d be two lovebirds flying wing to wing;
On earth, two trees with branches twined from spring to spring.”
天长地久有时尽，此恨绵绵无绝期！
The boundless sky and endless earth may pass away,
But this vow unfulfilled will be regretted for aye
以下是海外逸士的整篇翻译：
长恨歌 Song of Everlasting Regret 白居易 （海外逸士 翻译）
漢皇重色思傾國，The emperor of Han preferred women of great beauty,
御宇多年求不得。He sought them out for years but in vain.
楊家有女初長成，A girl in the Yang family just grew up,
養在深閨人未識。Not known to anyone, been raised in deep boudoir.
天生麗質難自棄，Born too beautiful to be married commonly,
一朝選在君王側。She was eventually chosen at the side of the emperor.
回眸一笑百媚生，One glance back from her beams one hundred kinds of charm,
六宮粉黛無顏色。And the beauty of all the ladies in the six palaces1 was shadowed.
春寒賜浴華清池，In still cold spring she took a bath in the pool of Hua Qing2,
溫泉水滑洗凝脂。Her smooth skin bathed in the warm spring water.
侍兒扶起嬌無力，So delicate, she was helped up by her maids,
始是新承恩澤時。That’s the first time she made love with the emperor.
雲鬢花顏金步搖，Cloud-like hair, flower-like face, golden dangling ornament,
芙蓉帳暖度春宵。Spring nights all spent under the warm lotus canopy.
春宵苦短日高起，The nights were too short and the sun rose high,
從此君王不早朝。The emperor neglected his morning levee ever since.
承歡侍宴無閑暇，Pleasing and waiting on the emperor, she’s not a moment spared,
春從春遊夜專夜。Spring outing every day, sleeping with the emperor every night.
後宮佳麗三千人，There were three thousand fairs in the harem,
三千寵愛在一身。But the love of the three thousands centered on one
金屋妝成嬌侍夜，In the golden boudoir she made herself up for the evening,
玉樓宴罷醉和春。After a feast in the jade pavilion she’s drunk when love-making.
姊妹弟兄皆列土，Her brothers and sisters all got fiefs,
可憐光彩生門戶。Her family was admirably endowed with Imperial glory.
遂令天下父母心，This made all the parents under the heaven
不重生男重生女。Desirous of having girls instead of boys.
驪宮高處入青云，The palace on the Li Mountain rose high into the clouds,
仙樂風飄處處聞。The fairy music carried by the wind, heard everywhere.
緩歌謾舞凝絲竹，Charming songs, graceful dances with string and bamboo instruments,
盡日君王看不足。The emperor could not enjoy enough all day long.
漁陽鼙鼓動地來，The war drums came from Yuyang3, shaking the ground,
驚破霓裳羽衣曲。Breaking the Melody of Rainbow Dress and Feather Garments4.
九重城闕煙塵生，Smokes and dusts rose from nine gates5 of the capital,
千乘万騎西南行。Thousands of coaches and horses marching southwest.
翠華搖搖行復止，With emerald coach canopies swaying, they moved, then stopped
西出都門百餘里。Only a hundred miles west outside the capital.
六軍不發無奈何，As the troops refused to march, the emperor could do nothing,
宛轉蛾眉馬前死。And the sobbing beauty died in front of his horse.
花鈿委地無人收，Pearl-inlaid headdress fell on the ground, but none cared to pick it,
翠翅金雀玉搔頭。Also hair ornaments of emerald and gold in bird shape, and jade hair clasps.
君王掩面救不得，The emperor couldn’t save her, only covering his face,
回看血淚相和流。When looking back, there flew tears and blood.
黃埃散漫風蕭索，Yellow dusts floated up in the air, the wind soughing,
雲棧縈紆登劍閣。They scaled to Sword Pavilion6 on zigzag wooden board way up into clouds.
峨嵋山下少人行，At the foot of E-Mei Mountains7 travelers are seldom seen,
旌旗無光日色薄。While the banners lose brightness and the sun looks pale.
蜀江水碧蜀山青，The river of Shu8 is green and the mountains of Shu8 are blue,
聖主朝朝暮暮情。The mood of the emperor morning and evening imaginable.
行宮見月傷心色，In the temporary palace as the emperor watches the moon, its light seems grievous.
夜雨聞鈴斷腸聲。In the night rain the sound of bells is heart-broken.
天旋地轉回龍馭，Like heaven and earth whirling, the dragon coach returning,
至此躊躇不能去。But at that moment, he hesitated to leave there.
馬嵬坡下泥土中，In the earth at the foot of Mawei Mound
不見玉顏空死處。There’s no body of the buried beauty seen.
君臣相顧盡沾衣，Emperor and courtiers look at each other, their clothes wet with tears;
東望都門信馬歸。Their horses canter eastward to the gate of the capital.
歸來池苑皆依舊，When returning, the pond and gardens are still the same,
太液芙蓉未央柳。Also the peonies in Taiye Pond and willows in Weiyang Palace.
芙蓉如面柳如眉，Her face like the peonies and her eyebrows like willow leaves,
對此如何不淚垂。Confronting these, how can the tears not be trickling?
春風桃李花開日，Also on the day when the blooms of peach and pear blow in spring,
秋雨梧桐葉落時。And at the time when the leaves of Chinese parasol fall in autumnal rains.
西宮南內多秋草，There’s a lot of autumnal grass in western and southern palaces,
落葉滿階紅不掃。And the fallen leaves and red petals all over the steps no one swept.
梨園弟子白發新，The performers of the imperial troupe have new white hair growing.
椒房阿監青娥老。The eunuchs and maids in her former chamber become old.
夕殿螢飛思悄然，As fireflies dart in the evening hall, the thought of her steals in,
孤燈挑盡未成眠。When the wicker in the single lamp burns up, sleeplessness lasts.
遲遲鐘鼓初長夜，The night is long and the morning bell and drum sounds late,
耿耿星河欲曙天。The day is breaking and the Milky Way still seen across the sky.
鴛鴦瓦冷霜華重，The dews dense on the cold tiles of mandarin ducks,
翡翠衾寒誰与共。The emerald quilts also cold since no one to sleep in together.
悠悠生死別經年，During the lasting separation of life and death experience for years,
魂魄不曾來入夢。Her ghost has never come into the dream of the survivor.
臨邛道士鴻都客，The Taoist of Linggong is now a visitor in the capital,
能以精誠致魂魄。Who can summon the ghost with his spirit of earnestness.
為感君王輾轉思，Touched by the whole-hearted thinking of the emperor
遂教方士殷勤覓。The Taoist sets his heart on searching her ghost far and wide.
排空馭气奔如電，He rides on the air into the other space as swift as lightning,
升天入地求之遍。Exploring everywhere in Heavens and in the other world.
上窮碧落下黃泉，He seeks in the universe and he seeks in Hades,
兩處茫茫皆不見。And her ghost is not there in both the places.
忽聞海上有仙山，All at once he hears of the fairy mountains on the sea
山在虛無縹緲間。The mountains are situated in the vast void.
樓閣玲瓏五雲起，The magnificent pavilions rise among five-colored clouds,
其中綽約多仙子。In which there are a lot of elegant goddesses.
中有一人字太真，One of them is called Taizhen,
雪膚花貌參差是。With snow-white skin and flower-beautiful face.
金闕西廂叩玉扃，He knocks at the jade door of the west chamber in the golden pavilion,
轉教小玉報雙成。Asking Xiaoyu, the maid, to tell Shuangcheng, another maid,*
聞道漢家天子使，When hearing the arrival of the messenger of the Han emperor,
九華帳里夢魂惊。Her ghost startled from the dream in splendid canopy.
攬衣推枕起徘徊，Taking up her dress, pushing away her pillow, she loiters forth,
珠箔銀屏迤邐開。The silver screen with pearly foils opens gradually.
云髻半偏新睡覺，With her piled-up hair tilting aside, just awake from the sleep,
花冠不整下堂來。She walks into the hall in disheveled wreath crown.
風吹仙袂飄飄舉，Her fairy dress flutters up in the wind,
猶似霓裳羽衣舞。Like in a dance of rainbow-colored feather-adorned garment.
玉容寂寞淚闌干，Her pretty face reflects solitude with tears trickling,
梨花一枝春帶雨。Like a pear blossom in the spring rains.
含情凝睇謝君王，She thanks the emperor with a gaze full of feelings,
一別音容兩渺茫。His voice and visage is so far away after parting.
昭陽殿里恩愛絕，Thus ended the love expressed in Zhaoyang Hall;
蓬萊宮中日月長。But here in Penglai Palace the time is eternal.
回頭下望人寰處，When looking down back to the human world,
不見長安見塵霧。Can’t see ChangAn, the capital, but mists and dusts.
唯將舊物表深情，To empress her deep feelings only with the old stuff
鈿盒金釵寄將去。She sends the gold hairpin and decorated box,
釵留一股盒一扇，But keeping half of the pin and box for herself
釵擘黃金合分鈿。That is: half of the pin gold, half of the box decoration.
但教心似金鈿堅，If only our hearts so sincere as gold and box so sturdy,
天上人間會相見。We’ll meet either in heavens or in the world.
臨別殷勤重寄詞，When parting, she sends words by the Taoist,
詞中有誓兩心知。There’s a vow in the words they both know.
七月七日長生殿，That’s on seventh day of seventh moon in Longevity Hall,
夜半無人私語時。They vowed to each other at midnight when none were near:
在天愿作比翼鳥，They wished to be birds flying side by side in the sky,
在地愿為連理枝。They wished to be two bough-interlaced trees on earth.
天長地久有時盡，Heaven and earth, though everlasting, may have an end,
此恨綿綿無絕期。The parting regret of theirs lasts without an end.
