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Xiaoman

#1  [原创] 中译:唐璜 Don Juan(拜伦)

我在Facebook上贴:

吟月

微塵一粒存宇宙,
四十萬裡一個球。
轉眼又到中秋節,
能載人間幾多愁?

有人指正我的错别字“裡”  有人认为最后一句妙。


有人写: 诗如其人,读这首旧诗,典雅得把诗人娟好的脸庞相形见老了。


我回复:

吟嫦娥

天增岁月树增轮,
世上未见不老身。
青春常驻嫦娥美,
我也愿是偷药人。

As time goes by, trees produce rings of growth,
In this world, I haven't seen anyone who won't get old.
The forever young Change in the moon is a beauty,
I wish I were the one who could steal the panacea.



使君才气卷波澜。与把好诗再译
2015-9-27 15:43
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徐英才

#2  



引用:
Originally posted by Xiaoman at 2015-9-27 15:43:
我在Facebook上贴:

As time goes by, trees produce rings of growth,
In this world,  I haven't seen anything won't get old.
The forever young Change in the moon is a beauty,
I wish I were the one who could steal the panacea.

As time goes by, trees produce rings of growth 好句。


2015-9-27 21:19
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Xiaoman

#3  

谢谢!没有深入研究,只知道有一句“嫦娥应悔偷灵药, 碧海青天夜夜心”  


I haven't seen anything won't get old---改成I've  never seen anyone who won't get old呢 ??   我本说人,不是事。


2015-9-27 21:40
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Xiaoman

#4  

十五过后是十六,
日子一去不还复。
自古时间易溜走,
留人脂肪与赘肉。

Time is going by fast, day after day ...
You can't turn it back once it's gone away.
I try to catch it, but so difficult,
It leaves me alone dealing with love handles.

September 28, 2015

屋木竹目服福禄熟谷肉咒鹿腹菊陆轴逐牧伏宿读犊渎牍椟黩毂复粥肃育六缩哭幅斛戮仆畜蓄叔淑菽独卡馥沐速祝麓镞蹙筑穆睦啄覆鹜秃扑鬻辐瀑竺簇暴掬濮郁矗复塾朴蹴煜谡碌毓舳柚蝠辘夙蝮匐觫囿苜茯髑副孰谷


押韵的字从以上的字中选出,分别是:六,复,肉。


2015-9-28 20:19
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Xiaoman

#5  

译诗

译诗无知音,
真是伤透心。
译还不如作,
一吟泪满襟。

(译和作都让人伤心。此情无计可消除。)


No one understands poems I've translated,
that really makes me broken-hearted.
So I prefer to write my own poetry,
But when I read it, tears roll down my cheeks.

September 28, 2015




读刘叉诗有感。

作诗

  作诗无知音,作不如不作。
  未逢赓载人,此道终寂寞。
  有虞今已殁,来者谁为托。
  朗咏豁心胸,笔与泪俱落。



(抛砖引玉之作,facebook 有老师以好诗回复我(未问同意,不好转载)。我答: 謝懷楚老師 好詩! 多谢美言 受宠若惊我寫詩不考慮其他, 就是把自己的感覺先記下,非常膚淺, (尾)韻覺得差不多就OK. 那兩句是因讀了唐朝詩人劉叉的詩, 興致所至,亂扔一個磚,引來了美玉,不亦樂乎? 我還是處在偶爾有興趣就翻閱唐詩宋詞的階段但看得不多,平時喜歡亂塗鴉,貽笑大方,也是讓自己高興的途徑。 看到各位前輩詩翁學長們詩才如泉湧,佳作不断,让我很崇拜。 問好!)


2015-9-28 21:19
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Xiaoman

#6  

IV. Satiric
Wanted—a Hero


  

(Don Juan, Canto i. Stanzas 1–5.)

I WANT a hero: an uncommon want,  
  When every year and month sends forth a new one,  
Till, after cloying the gazettes with cant,  
  The age discovers he is not the true one;  
Of such as these I should not care to vaunt,         5
  I’ll therefore take our ancient friend Don Juan—  
We all have seen him, in the pantomime,  
Sent to the devil somewhat ere his time,

我欲求得一英雄,
求之不得如痴渴。
所见英雄不复重,
直到谎话报上说。
时间证明他是假,
我本无心炫耀他。
介绍唐璜是正事,
我们默剧里见识。
不幸此君竟短命,
早去阎王殿报名。

To Be Continued     September 29, 2015

(多谢各位老师不吝赐教。 我在这个博客看到其他翻译: http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_3f4024480102dz86.html
应该还有其他版本?。)


2015-9-29 14:34
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thesunlover

#7  

只读过杨德豫翻译的《唐璜》,可谓经典。

拜伦雪莱等人的诗翻译成旧体很难传达出神韵,尤其是这种长诗。believe me or not



因为我和黑夜结下了不解之缘 所以我爱太阳
2015-9-29 16:40
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Xiaoman

#8  



引用:
Originally posted by thesunlover at 2015-9-29 16:40:
只读过杨德豫翻译的《唐璜》,可谓经典。

拜伦雪莱等人的诗翻译成旧体很难传达出神韵,尤其是这种长诗。believe me or not

谢谢帮主告知! 我去查查看。  只是觉得好玩,前几天读到一句 “不幸周郎竟短命,早知李靖是英雄”    这里反转了,这段写知道那个谁不是英雄,然后发觉唐璜竟不幸。

这诗好像1000多页。  人读完后可能会成为 谢尔登•艾伦•希尔弗斯坦笔下那个看电视的小孩,因看太多电视最后变成电视机一样,会变成一首诗或其他什么。



使君才气卷波澜。与把好诗再译
2015-9-29 21:08
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Xiaoman

#9  

没有找到杨德豫的译本。

我认为10几20个字一行地翻译是没有必要。 用七言足够表达诗中含义,而且在内容上,因为关于花花公子的荒唐,放荡,又是古味浓厚的诗,所以应该用7言更能表达出音和形美。 “唐璜在后宫不仅侍候女沙皇,而且还同不少女官、侍女同宿。时间一久,唐璜的身体极度虚弱,患了疾病,女沙皇因此不再需要他了。”  芙蓉帐里度春宵, 晨早扶起虚无力。

你看【金瓶梅】里不少诗都是7言。   
“豪华去后行人绝,箫筝不响歌喉咽。 雄剑无威光彩沉,宝琴零落金星灭
今宵剩把银缸照,犹恐相逢是梦中。 ”

而且,有因是讽刺诗,主角滑稽搞笑, 譬如扮女人。 搞笑的东西不宜易得很长, 要短平快才出效果。
2 Cents


2015-9-30 09:31
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thesunlover

#10  

杨应该只是翻译了《唐璜》的若干章节。全诗不知道谁译过?查老先生吗?他的翻译我大多不欣赏,当然他有年代的局限性。

7言译《唐璜》全诗,估计永远也不会有人做,因为太与时代脱节了。小曼有兴趣可以试试,至少不会和任何人撞车。

我个人没有兴趣读任何西诗的古体翻译,不论是谁的作品,谁的翻译,感觉不伦不类。个人观点。



因为我和黑夜结下了不解之缘 所以我爱太阳
2015-9-30 16:55
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廖康

#11  

穆旦(查良铮), 即金庸的胞兄,翻译了《唐璜》。


2015-9-30 17:05
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Xiaoman

#12  

谢廖教和章先生回复。  

翻译诗是乐趣无穷的脑部运动, 跟单纯的读诗是两个不同的事情。我可以一试, 但我水平有限。  先见笑:



  40

       The languages, especially the dead,
      The sciences, and most of all the abstruse,
    The arts, at least all such as could be said
      To be the most remote from common use,
    In all these he was much and deeply read:
      But not a page of anything that's loose,
    Or hints continuation of the species,
    Was ever suffered, lest he should grow vicious.

原诗押韵规律:ABABABCC


        语通多种精远古,
        广涉科学擅玄术,
        人文艺术可以说
        凡是无用懂最多,
        博览群书今古通:
        一页邪书都没碰,
        不读不雅或低俗,
        以免自己入歧途。(刘小曼)



查良铮 (译):

  他熟知各种语言,特别是古代语,

  广涉科学,抽象的玄学尤其精通,

  在人文艺术领域,至少也可以说:

  凡是和实用最没有关系的一切,

  他都已经博览无余,深入钻研过,

  只是邪书没有翻看过一页。

  凡是不雅的,或涉及生殖的叙述,

  都绝对禁止,……唯恐他误入歧途。



查先生翻译了11年完成的巨著,非常有价值的文化遗产。

但我发现他的翻译的一个特点是没有押韵,原诗的押韵规律是ABABABCC,几乎每一节都是这个规律。是观察,不是批评 。


2015-9-30 20:42
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Xiaoman

#13  

XLIX.  49

    Young Juan waxed in goodliness and grace;
      At six a charming child, and at eleven
    With all the promise of as fine a face
      As e'er to Man's maturer growth was given:
    He studied steadily, and grew apace,
      And seemed, at least, in the right road to Heaven,
    For half his days were passed at church, the other
    Between his tutors, confessor, and mother.

49

   转眼唐璜成少年,
   六岁伶俐惹人怜。
   时年十一貌非凡,
   预见潘安大美男。
   学业猛进事功倍,
   早为登天作准备。
   半天祷告教堂前,
   半天家教父母严。 (刘小曼)


    查良铮 (译):

转眼小唐璜成了翩翩的少年,

  六岁时伶俐可爱的他,等到十一岁,

  已经仪表清秀不凡,可以预见

  他将会像所有美男子那么俊美;

  他的学业突飞猛进,一日千里,

  起码为登天作了适当的准备:

  因为他半天在教堂里祷告,

  半天由师尊。教父和严母管教。
   


LI.  51
    I had my doubts, perhaps I have them still,
     But what I say is neither here nor there:
    I knew his father well, and have some skill
      In character--but it would not be fair
    From sire to son to augur good or ill:
      He and his wife were an ill-sorted pair--
    But scandal's my aversion--I protest
    Against all evil speaking, even in jest.


51

疑惑当时绕心头,
也许至今仍存有。
我虽说西又扯东,
他的父亲我很懂。
阅人不错我本领,
但仍不敢早论定:
老子正邪儿善恶,
何况他妻不配合。
痛恨背后诽谤人,
即使玩笑半假真。 (刘小曼)



查良铮(译)

五十一

  我当时就有点怀疑,现在依然,

  但我要说的只是胡扯而已:

  我深懂他的父亲,我观察人的个性

  也还有些本领,……但当然,不用说,

  从老子就能预见儿子的吉凶,

  何况他妻子和他确实不配合……

  算了,流言蜚语我讨厌的;我最恨

  背后诽谤人,即使是半假半真。


2015-10-1 07:57
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Xiaoman

#14  

拜伦的 【围攻柯林斯】 不知道谁翻译过? 谢谢! 

http://readytogoebooks.com/SC11.htm

英语诗一般只有押韵的诗才能吸引我去读。 拜伦的诗很好看,很精彩。


最后两段:

XXXII

The foe came on, and few remain

To strive, and those must strive in vain:

For lack of further lives, to slake

The thirst of vengeance now awake,

With barbarous blows they gash the dead,

And lop the already lifeless head,

And fell the statues from their niche

And spoil the shrines of offerings rich,

And from each other's rude hands wrest

The silver vessels saints had bless'd.

To the high altar on they go;

Oh, but it made a glorious show !

On its table still behold

The cup of consecrated gold;

Massy and deep, a glittering prize,

Brightly it sparkles to plunders' eyes:

That morn it held the holy wine,

Converted by Christ to his blood so divine,

Which his worshippers drank at the break of day,

To shrive their souls ere they join'd in the fray.

Still a few drops within it lay:

And round the sacred table glow

Twelve lofty lamps, in splendid row,

From the purest metal cast;

A spoil --- the richest, and the last.
  
  

XXXIII

So near they came, the nearest stretch'd

To grasp the spoil he almost reach'd,

When Old Minotti's hand

Touch'd with the torch the train ---

'Tis fired !

Spire, vaults, the shrine, the spoil, the slain,

The turban'd victors, the Christian band,

All that of living or dead remain,

Hurl'd on high with the shiver'd fane,

In one wild roar expired !

The shatter'd town --- the walls thrown down ---

The waves a moment backward bent ---

The hills that shake, although unrent,

As if an earthquake pass'd ---

The thousand shapeless things all driven

In cloud and flame athwart the heaven,

By that tremendous blast ---

Proclaim'd the desperate conflict o'er

On that too long afflicted shore:

Up to the sky like rockets go

All that mingled there below:

Many a tall and goodly man,

Scorch'd and shrivell'd to a span,

When he fell to earth again

Like a cinder strew'd the plain;

Down the ashes shower like rain;

Some fell in the gulf, which received the sprinkles

With a thousand circling wrinkles;

Some fell on the shore, but, far away,

Scatter'd o'er the isthmus lay;

Christian or Moslem, which be they?

Let their mothers see and say !

When in cradled rest they lay,

And each nursing mother smiled

On the sweet sleep of her child,

Little deem'd she such a day

Would rend those tender limbs away.

Not the matrons that them bore

Could discern their offspring more;

That one moment left no trace

More human form or face

Save a scatter'd scalp or bone:

And down came blazing rafters, strown

Around, and many a falling stone,

Deeply dinted in the clay,

All blacken'd there and reeking lay.

All the living things that heard

That deadly earth-shock disappear'd:

The wild birds flew; the wild dogs fled,

And howling left the unburied dead;

The camels from their keepers broke;

The distant steer forsook the yoke ---

The nearer steed plunged o'er the plain,

And burst his girth, and tore his rein;

The bull-frog's note, from out the marsh,

Deep-mouth'd arose, and doubly harsh;

The wolves yell'd on the cavern'd hill

Where echo roll'd in thunder still;

The jackals' troop, in gather'd cry,

Bay'd from afar complainingly,

With a mix'd and mournful sound,

Like --- crying babe, and beaten hound:

With sudden wing, and ruffled breast,

The eagle left his rocky nest,

And mounted nearer to the sun,

The clouds beneath him seem'd so dun;

Their smoke assail'd his startled beak,

And made him higher soar and shriek---

Thus was Corinth lost and won !
 


2015-10-1 14:33
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Xiaoman

#15  

51


I had my doubts, perhaps I have them still,      But what I say is neither here nor there:     I knew his father well, and have some skill       In character--but it would not be fair     From sire to son to augur good or ill:       He and his wife were an ill-sorted pair--     But scandal's my aversion--I protest

Against all evil speaking, even in jest.

疑惑當時繞心頭,

也許至今仍存有。

我雖說西又扯東,

他的父親我很懂。

閱人不錯我本領,

但仍不敢早論定:

老子正邪兒善惡,

何況他妻不配合。

痛恨背後誹謗人,

即使玩笑半假真。



53

For there one learns--'t is not for me to boast,       Though I acquired--but I pass over _that_,     As well as all the Greek I since have lost:       I say that there's the place--but "_Verbum sat_,"     I think I picked up too, as well as most,       Knowledge of matters--but no matter _what_--     I never married--but, I think, I know     That sons should not be educated so.


那裡能學非我吹,

雖有收穫卻略過。

希臘忘光沒後備,

我提這個----當沒說。

我想我也學了些,

各方知識都亂學。

我懂雖然還未婚 ,

兒孫不能這樣混。




54

Young Juan now was sixteen years of age,       Tall, handsome, slender, but well knit: he seemed     Active, though not so sprightly, as a page;       And everybody but his mother deemed     Him almost man; but she flew in a rage[45]       And bit her lips (for else she might have screamed)

If any said so--for to be precocious     Was in her eyes a thing the most atrocious.



唐璜時年整十六,

精壯倜儻蠻風流。

雖也活潑且好動,

但如書僮般穩重。

大家說他成年人,

已變成熟失童真。

然而其母不認同,

一聽怒氣往天沖。

緊咬雙唇壓火燎,

若不這樣必尖叫。

認定早熟使人愁,

那是萬惡之源頭。

~~完~~



几多愁  (恰我同学年少)


又是一年期末了,书未读多少。
昨天半夜还打工,今日一早又见课堂中。
睡意惺忪眼难开,课本忘带来。
考试他从不发愁, 突击几晚又能拿到优。

Again, it's the end of the semester,
But he hasn't studied much more.  
Yesterday he worked till midnight,
This morning in the class, he did alright,
beside trying hard to keep his eyes open,
and the text book,  he has forgotten.
But he never worries about the final,
He'll get an A after study like a night owl.
   


(记我曾经观察到的一个同学)
Oct.16, 2015


2015-10-16 07:02
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Xiaoman

#16  

今天我看了一些拜伦的The Vision Of Judgment讽刺Robert Southey 的长诗。 Robert Southey在1820年 写了A Vision Of Jedgement 讽刺攻击拜伦,拜伦在1821年写The Vision Of Juedgement 反讽他。根据维基:“His parody of A Vision of Judgement was so lastingly successful that, as the critic Geoffrey Carnall wrote, "Southey's reputation has never recovered from Byron's ridicule."”  Southey的名誉在拜伦的嘲讽之下难以再翻身。 因为我看到资料说,拜伦在【唐璜】最后的Canto里面侮辱Southey (还有其他人--曾经攻击他的人)瞧不起这个人的人品和才能所以我就去查看资料,想看个究竟。 结果找出了拜伦对Southey 的 A Vision Of Judgement的 Parody和Southey的原诗。拜伦的诗果然胜Southey很多。 拜伦的简洁,给力,押韵, Southey的, 如评论所说,冗长。。。(详细还没看,有待进一步研究,期间欢迎您的建议,谢谢!)

拜伦的:

I

Saint Peter sat by the celestial gate:
His keys were rusty, and the lock was dull,
So little trouble had been given of late;
Not that the place by any means was full,
But since the Gallic era 'eight-eight'
The devils had ta'en a longer, stronger pull,
And 'a pull altogether,' as they say
At sea — which drew most souls another way.


Robert Southey的: 

THE TRANCE.


’TWAS at that sober hour when the light of day is receding,

And from surrounding things the hues where with day has adorn’d them

Fade, like the hopes of youth, till the beauty of earth is departed:

Pensive, though not in thought, I stood at the window, beholding

Mountain and lake and vale; the valley disrobed of its verdure;

Derwent retaining yet from eve a glassy reflection

Where his expanded breast, then still and smooth as a mirror,

Under the woods reposed; the hills that, calm and majestic,

Lifted their heads in the silent sky, from far Glaramar


根据资料,Southey讽刺拜伦但没有指名,但大家都知道,拜伦一上来就指名道姓骂Southey行为恶心:
”It is not impossible that it may be as good as his own, seeing that it cannot, by any species of stupidity, natural or acquired, be worse. The gross flattery, the dull impudence, the renegado intolerance, and impious cant, of the poem by the author of "Wat Tyler," are something so stupendous as to form the sublime of himself — containing the quintessence of his own attributes.“

I think I know enough of most of the writers to whom he is supposed to allude, to assert, that they, in their individual capacities, have done more good, in the charities of life, to their fellow-creatures, in any one year, than Mr. Southey has done harm to himself by his absurdities in his whole life; and this is saying a great deal. But I have a few questions to ask.

1stly, Is Mr. Southey the author of Wat Tyler?


来源: https://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Texts/vision.html


2015-10-21 20:31
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