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Immanuel

#1  [原创] 旅程

旅程

You know where I am going
As you know from whence I come
Like a butterfly
flying away from his soon-forgotten form
I fly in your arms and feel
No more I am a worm

No, no more, call me not by my old name
As the rose strips away its ancient frame
As the forest fills in its newest game
Call me a gardener or a hunter
In the old and the new
I burn valiantly like a flame

As the dawn rises, you and me fly
in a love journey to our last home

你知道我从何来
也知道我到何去
像—只蝴蝶
淡忘了旧的躯壳, 飞走
在你的怀里
我不再是  一只蛹虫

不, 不再是了
不要再叫我的老名字
玫瑰脱去古装
森林满是新生
叫我园丁或猎人吧
无论新与旧
我热情似火

在晨曦里,你和我
飞在爱的旅程上
到我们最后的家


2009-12-17 02:25
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忍忍

#2  



引用:
Originally posted by Immanuel at 2009-12-17 02:25:
旅程

You know where I am going
As you know from whence I come
Like a butterfly
flying away from his soon-forgotten form
I fly in your arms and feel
No more I am a worm

No, no more, call me not by my old name
As the rose strips away its ancient fame
As the forest hides away its newest game
Call me a gardener or a hunter
In the old and the new
I burn valiantly like a flame

As the dawn rises, you and me fly
in a love journey to our last home

你知道我从何来
也知道我到何去
像—只蝴蝶
淡忘了旧的躯壳, 飞走
在你的怀里
我不再是  一只蛹虫

不, 不再是了
不要再叫我的老名字
玫瑰脱去古装
森林满是新生
叫我园丁或猎人吧
无论新与旧
我热情似火

在晨曦里,你和我
飞在爱的旅程上
到我们最后的家

As the rose strips away its ancient fame----strips away from its ancient frame?

As the forest hides away its newest game----hides or shows? 从翻译上看是后者。。。

in a love journey to our last home----to our "new" home?


慢牛, 很好的诗。英文的更好一些。也许俺对中文的要求更高一些。

谢分享。


2009-12-18 12:46
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Immanuel

#3  

多谢批改,照你的意思改过。有的未动。

已经说过了,我是邯郸学步,变成了“不中不西”。正学着恢复自己的中文呢。有你的帮助, 应当更容易些。

Merry you and yours a wonderful Christmas!

Love,
Sun


2009-12-18 17:11
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