1) 評四位大師對李清照“聲聲慢”的翻譯
尋尋覓覓，冷冷清清，凄凄慘慘戚戚。乍暖還寒時候，最難將息。三杯兩盞淡酒，怎敵他、晚來風急？雁過也，正傷心，卻是舊時相識。        滿地黃花堆積。憔悴損，如今有誰堪摘？守著窗儿， 獨自怎生得黑？梧桐更兼細雨，到黃昏、點點滴滴。這次第，怎一個、愁字了得！

林語堂博士譯作：
Slow slow tune (Li Qingzhao )  
So dim, so dark,/So dense, so dull,/So damp, so dank,/So dead!/The weather, now warm, now cold,/Makes it harder than ever to forget!/How can thin wine and bread/Serve as protection/Against the piercing wind of sunset!/Wild geese pass over head/That they are familiar/Lets it more lamentable yet!/The ground is strewn with staid/And withered petals/For whom now should they be vase set?/By the window shut,/Guarding it along,/To see the sky has turned so black!/And on the cola nut/To hear the drizzle drown/At dust: Pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat!/Is this a mood and moment/Only to be called “sad”?
評﹕雖然用了七個 D開頭的詞﹐乍一看很雷人的﹐但與原文開頭三短句毫無關係。now warm, now cold是時暖時寒﹐不是乍暖還寒。Makes it harder than ever to forget﹐是“最難將息”之意嗎﹖bread﹖中國那時有麵包嗎﹖下面的意思還能搭得上界﹐不予置評了。但也不敢恭維。

楊憲益教授夫婦譯本：
Seeking, seeking, Chilly and quiet, Desolate, painful and miserable.
Even when it's warmer there is still a chill It is most difficult to keep well.
Three or two cups of light wine, How can they ward off the strong？
Wild geese fly past, while I'm broken-hearted; But I recoze they are my old friends.
Fallen chrysanthemums piled up on the ground, So withered，Who would pluck them up now?
Leaning on the window, How can I pass the time till night alone?
The drizzle falls on the wutong trees, Raindrops drip down at dusk.
At a time like this, What immense sorrow I must bear!
評﹕Chilly﹖把“冷”字直譯了。但這裡是“冷清”之意。to keep well﹐將息﹖ the strong﹐並不一定指wind。可能掉詞了。總之﹐比林譯較達意。

許淵沖譯本：
I look for what I miss; I know not what it is. I feel so sad, so drear, So lonely, without cheer.
How hard is it To keep me fit In this lingering cold!
By cup on cup Of wine so dry Oh, how could I Endure at dusk the drift Of wind so swift?
It breaks my heart, alas, To see the wild geese pass, For they are my acquaintances of old.
The ground is covered with yellow flowers, Fadedand fallen in showers./Who will pick them up now?
Sitting alone at the window, how Could I but quicken The pace of darkness that won't thicken?
On plane's broad leaves a fine rain drizzles As twilight grizzles.
Oh, what can I do with a grief Beyond belief!
評﹕首三句翻譯達不到原文開頭三句的氣勢。後面基本只能算是意譯。雖然沒押韻﹐但用了不少中間韻。總之﹐讀上去很鬆散。

徐中杰譯本：
I've a sense of something missing I must seek./Everything about me looks dismal and bleak./ Nothing that gives me pleasure, I can find./Even the weather has proved most unkind./ It is warm, but abruptly it turns cold again./An unbroken rest most difficult to obtain./ Three cups of thin wine would utterly fail./To cope with the rising evening gale./ Myself, into woe, a flight of wild geese has thrown./But with them, very familiar I have grown./ About the ground, cluysandiernums are bestrewn./Gathering into heaps——bruised——withering soon./With myself in utter misery and gloom,/Who cares to save them from their approaching doom?/Standing by the window-watching in anguish stark,/Could I bear alone the sight until it is dark?/Against the tung and plane trees, the wind rises high./The drizzle becomes trickles, as even draws nigh./How, in the word "Miserable", can one find-/The total effects of all these on the mind!
評﹕首四句與原文出入較大。It is warm, but abruptly it turns cold again完全曲解原意。bruised放在這裡﹐不知什麼意思。如說譯“損”字﹐“損”在憔悴後面﹐不在這裡。Who cares to save them from their approaching doom?原文無此意。watching in anguish stark原文無此意。 the wind rises high原文無此意。

總評﹕按此次序----楊﹑林﹑許﹑徐﹐似乎每況愈下。所以評詩文﹐先要看詩文本身如何﹐別管它們是誰所作。如果有人一看名字就大聲叫好﹐而實際上並不怎麼好時﹐豈不有拍馬之嫌﹖至少反映出自身水平不夠評論資格。即是說﹐在瞎評。


2) 評李白“靜夜思”33種英譯
床前明月光，疑是地上霜。舉頭望明月，低頭思故鄉。
（說明﹕唐代的床﹐不是現代的床﹐是指胡床﹐一種椅子。另一說是指井欄。所以譯成BED的都錯了。詩以簡潔為佳。）

Nostalgia 思字本身並不一定指鄉思﹐雖然詩的內容是如此。所以詩題翻譯雖不算錯﹐但不確切。
A splash of white on my bedroom floor. Hoarfrost?詩人並不一定在房內。問句應放下句裡。
I raise my eyes to the moon, the same moon. 後半句多餘的
As scenes long past come to mind, my eyes fall again on the splash of white, and my heart aches for home. 不知斷句在哪裡﹖這麼長就不像是詩句了
（翁顯良 譯）總評分﹕不及格

Quiet Night Thoughts
Moonlight before my bed,
Could it be frost instead? 原文不是問句
Head up, I watch the moon; 舉頭﹐低頭譯得簡潔。
Head down, I think of home.
（趙甄陶 譯）乙等

Thoughts in the Still of the Night 太長
A pool of moonlight before the bed,
Took it to be frost on the ground. 整首不需用過去式
Raised my head to gaze at the moon,
And lowered it to think of home.
（任治稷、余正 譯）丙+

Thoughts in the Silent Night
Beside my bed a pool of light—BESIDE不妥
Is it hoarfrost on the ground? 原文不是問句
I lift my eyes and see the moon,
I bend my head and think of home.
（楊憲益、戴乃迭 譯）乙等

In the still of the night “思”字漏譯
I descry bright moonlight in front of bed. 此句動詞不需要
I suspect it to be hoary frost on the floor.
I watch the bright moon, as I tilt back my head.
I yearn, while stooping, for my homeland more. 譯詩不夠簡潔
（徐忠杰 譯）丙+

A Tranquil Night “思”字漏譯
A bed, I see a silver light, 不確切
I wonder if It's frost around.
Looking up, I find the moon bright;
Bowing, in homesickness I'm drowned. 太誇張
（許淵沖 譯）丙+

Homesickness in a Silent Night
Before my bed the silver moonbeams spread—SILVER多餘
I wonder if it is the frost upon the ground.
I see the moon so bright when raising my head,
Withdrawing my eyes my nostalgia comes around. 譯詩不簡潔。Withdrawing my eyes並非低頭之意。凡有錯﹐只能列丙等。
（屠笛、屠岸 譯）丙等

Still Night Thoughts
Moonlight in front of my bed —
I took it for frost on the ground!
I lift my eyes to watch the mountain moon, 原文沒“山”之意。lift eyes 不一定舉頭
lower them and dream of home。 lower eyes 不一定低頭
（Burton Watson 譯）丙等

Night Thoughts 漏譯“靜”字
I wake, and moonbeams play around my bed, 原文無“醒”之意。around 也不確
Glittering like hoar-frost to my wandering eyes; 離原文太遠
Up towards the glorious moon I raise my head, 沒有GLORIOUS之意
Then lay me down—and thoughts of home arise。 lay me down 不是低頭。
（Herbert  A. Giles 譯）丙-

On a Quiet Night “思”字漏譯
I saw the moonlight before my couch, 不知胡床是否像COUCH樣子
And wondered if it were not the frost on the ground. 不簡潔
I raised my head and looked out on the mountain moon, 又是“山”﹖
I bowed my head and thought of my far-off home.
（S. Obata 譯）丙等

The Moon Shines Everywhere 亂譯
Seeing the Moon before my couch so bright 是月光﹐不是月
I thought hoar frost had fallen from the night. 不必過去式
On her clear face I gaze with lifted eyes: HER詞意義不明
Then hide them full of Youth's sweet memories.亂譯
（W. J. B. Fletcher 譯）丁等

In the Quiet Night 漏譯“思”字
So bright a gleam on the foot of my bed—在床腳邊﹖
Could there have been a frost already? 原文不是問句
Lifting myself to look, I found that it was moonlight. 舉頭不是Lifting myself
Sinking back again, I thought suddenly of home.低頭不是Sinking back
（Witter Bynner 譯）丙-

Thoughts in a Tranquil Night
Athwart the bed 原文沒有ATHWART之意
I watch the moonbeams cast a trail 不確切
So bright, so cold, so frail,
That for a space it gleams
Like hoar-frost on the margin of my dreams. 亂譯
I raise my head,—
The splendid moon I see:
Then droop my head,
And sink to dreams of thee—亂譯
My fatherland, of thee!四行短句豈能譯成這麼多行
（L. Cranmer-Byng 譯）丁等

Night Thoughts 漏譯“靜”字
In front of my bed the moonlight is very bright.
I wonder if that can be frost on the floor? 不是問句
I lift up my head and look at the full moon, the dazzling moon.最後部份多餘
I drop my head, and think of the home of old days. 最後部份也多餘
（Amy Lowell 譯）丙等

Meditation in a Quiet Night 較確切
The moon shines brightly
In front of my bed. 邏輯錯誤﹕月亮不是在床前照耀
It was frost on the ground 為什麼這句要過去時﹖
I thought and said. 不能亂加己意
I gaze at the bright moon,
Raising my head.
I miss my native place
When I bend my head. 不應安排成八行
（唐一鶴 譯）丙-

Homesickness in a Quiet, Moonlit Night 題中不需有Moonlit 一詞
What bright beams are beside my bed in room!不簡潔。BESIDE﹖
Could on the ground there be the frost so soon? 原文不是問句
Lifting my head I see a big full moon, BIG  FULL 均多餘
Only to bend to think of my sweet home. BEND的不一定是頭﹐不確切  
（王大濂 譯）丙等

In the Quiet of the Night 漏譯“思”字
The ground before my bed presents a stretch of light, 不簡潔
Which seems to be a tract of frost that's pure and bright. 後半部多餘
I raise my head: a lonely moon is what I see;
I stoop, and homesickness is crying loud in me!
（卓振英、劉筱華 譯）丙等

Home-Thoughts on a Quiet Night﹐ HOME多餘
The bright moonlight ahead of my bed﹐ AHEAD 在這裡是什麼意思﹖
I take for a frost layer on ground.
I look at the moon, raising my head;
Lowering it, I think of my homeland. 後三行較簡潔﹐
（陳君朴 譯）乙-

Thoughts on a Quiet Evening 用NIGHT較好
The floor is flooded with moonlight 漏譯“床前”
Frost covered the old earth like that 動詞過去式用錯
I gaze at the moon 漏譯“舉頭”
Shimmering in a dark hour 整行多餘
Sad and homesick
I bow down my head 分行不妥
（王守義、約翰ܨ諾弗爾 譯）丙-

Longing in the Night 思念不是渴望
Before the bed shone the bright moonlight at hand, AT  HAND多餘
I fancied it was frost on the ground.
I raised my head to look at the bright moon,
And lowered my head to think of my native land. 整首不需要用過去式
（張炳星 譯）丙等

Meditation on a Quiet Night
I see the moonlight shining on my couch. 是“床前”﹐不是床上
Can it be that frost has fallen? 原文不是問句
I lift my head and watch the mountain moon, 無“山”之意
Then my head droops in meditation of earth. EARTH 不是故鄉
（Robert Payne  譯）丙等

Thoughts in a Still Night 確切
The luminous moonshine before my bed,
Is thought to be the frost fallen on the ground. 太長
I lift my head to gaze at the cliff moon, 不需要CLIFF 一詞
And then bow down to muse on my distant home. 不簡潔
（孫大雨 譯）乙-

Musings on a Quiet Night 確切
The bright moonlight near my cot﹐
Seemed to me like white ground frost. 不應用過去式。WHITE多餘
I looked up to gaze at the moon;動詞重複
I looked down to think of home. LOOK DOWN並非低頭
（龔景浩 譯）丙等

Homesick on a Quiet Night 不確切
Flooded is my bedside by the moonlight, 表達不妥
On the floor it looks like some fresh frost. 不簡潔
I look up and see the moon shine so bright,
Hanging my head, in nostalgia I'm lost.
（刑全臣 譯）丙等

Quiet Night Thoughts
Before my bed a moonlight land, LAND如是動詞﹐需加S
I thought frost had come on the sand. 應是現在虛擬式。SAND用錯
Head raised, I gaze at the bright moon;
Head bowed, I think of my homeland.
（施穎洲 譯）丙-

Thoughts on a Silent Night 確切
A gleam of light streams down over my bed, 要確指月光。OVER不對
I wonder if it's the frost on the ground.
Raising my eyes, I gaze at the bright moon, 抬眼不一定是舉頭。
Lowering my head, I miss home town.
（黃新渠 譯）丙等

Nocturnal Thoughts 漏譯“靜”字
The moonlight streaming to my bed—TO用錯
Frost-laid, methinks, the earth does loom. 自己寫詩﹐這句不錯﹐但這是翻譯
I see the moon, on raising my head,
And bowing, I think of old home.
（林同濟 譯）丙+

Night Thoughts 漏譯“靜”字
The bright moon shines on the bed foot around,不確切﹐ON用錯﹐不需FOOT﹐  AROUND
Can it be instead the frost on the ground? 原文非問句
Lifting my head, I look at the bright moon;
Dropping it, I think of my homeland soon. SOON多餘
（劉重德 譯）丙等

Thinking in a Silent Evening用NIGHT較確切
Before my bed sheds the silver moonlight, SILVER多餘
As if it were frost on the ground, I doubt.
I raise my eyes, the moon appearing bright, 不確切
I hang my head, homesickness gushing out. 不確切
（楊紀鶴 譯）丙等

Homesickness in Silent Night 漏譯“靜”字
Seeing the moonbeams by couch so light, 不確切
I wonder if it's frosting aground.
Gazing on the clear moon shining bright, 漏譯“舉頭”
In homesickness I'm deeply drowned. 漏譯“低頭”
(translator unknown) 丙等

Night Thoughts漏譯“靜”字
Before my bed there is bright moonlight,
So that it seems like frost on the ground. SO  THAT多餘
Lifting my head I watch the bright moon,
Lowering my head I dream that I'm home. 不確切
（Arthur Cooper 譯）丙等

Brooding in the Still Night 不錯
Bright moonlight before my bed.
At first I think the floor is all frost. AT  FIRST多餘
I gaze up at the mountain moon, GAZE  UP不一定是舉頭。沒有“山”之意。
then drop my head in a dream of home. 不確切
（Tony Barnstone, Willis Barnstone, and Chou Ping 譯）丙等

Thoughts on a Quiet Night 不錯
Before my bed the light is so bright﹐LIGHT不等於月光
it looks like a layer of frost
lifting my head I gaze at the moon
lying back down I think of home。 lying back down不是低頭
（Red Pine 譯）丙等

本人認為可作如下翻譯﹕
Thinking (Musing, Pondering) in a Quiet Night
The bright moonlight before the chair
I take for frost on the floor.
Raising my head, I watch the bright moon; (I raise my head, watching the bright moon;)
Bowing my head, I think of my homeland.   (I bow my head, thinking of my homeland.)

或許有人會問﹕那麼甲等標準是什麼。應該簡潔達意﹐用詞到位﹐不能增減原文意思﹐最好能押韻。有時要押韻﹐還非得有所增減才行。難就難在這裡。如果把我翻譯的第三第四行裡的head短語移放到句末去﹐利用head一詞押韻﹐但讀上去非常不自然﹐不可取。如果在head短語前加when﹐成 I watch the bright moon, when raising my head; 但原文裡沒有when 的意思。


3) 評王之渙“登鸛雀樓”14種英譯﹕

白日依山盡﹐黃河入海流。欲窮千里目﹐更上一層樓。
(“依山盡”要譯出意境較難。下面翻譯裡﹐譯不出這意境的不是好譯。從下面譯例看﹐“依山”基本上都譯成在山後面或那邊。只有一例動詞基本達意﹐但還不最確切。見下面分析。這首詩基本語言接近白話﹐在譯古人詩詞裡﹐應該沒有語言困難。但為什麼絕大多數都沒譯好呢﹖這就與英文表達水平有關﹐與英文的深度廣度有關。我發現許多人學英文﹐沒有鑽到深度裡去。大部份停留在大陸架上。所以譯不出“依山”的意境。我的經驗和體會是﹕拿到古詩詞﹐先把語言困難弄清楚﹐隨後閉目遐思﹐在腦中構成詩的場景﹐再用文字確切地表達。至於確切優美與否﹐就決定於文字功力的深淺了。)

Climbing White Stork Tower--WHITE一詞多餘
The midday sun slips behind mountains 白日將盡﹐居然說MIDDAY。大錯
The Yellow River turns for the sea
Trying to see for a thousand miles
I climb one more story 譯得馬馬虎虎
(Bill Porter) 丙-

An Ascent to Stork Hall--HALL有樓之意嗎﹖
The setting sun behind the mountains glows, 依山﹐不是在山後
The muddy Yellow River seawards flows.--MUDDY多餘
If more distant views are what you desire, 不簡潔
You simply climb up a storey higher.
（徐忠杰）丙等

On the Stork Tower 登字是動詞﹐沒譯出
The sun beyond the mountains glows; 依山﹐不是在山那邊
The Yellow River seawards flows.
You can enjoy a grander sight 千里沒譯出
By climbing to a greater height.一層沒譯出
(許淵沖) 丙-

On the Stork Tower 登字是動詞﹐沒譯出
The mountain is eating away the setting sun; 這個譯法別致﹐是依山的意境嗎﹖但依山表示的是靜態﹐eating away 是動態。
Going seawards the Yellow River is on the run.--GOING﹐ON THE RUN﹐意思重複
If you desire to have a good and boundless sight, 是千里﹐不是boundless﹐good多餘
Come to the upper storey, by climbing one more flight!前後兩部份意思重複
(吳鈞陶) 丙等

Upward譯題不對
Westward the sun, ending the day's journey in a slow descent behind the mountains. 不簡潔。依山﹐只能譯成BEHIND嗎﹖
Eastward the Yellow River, emptying into the sea.
To look beyond, unto the farthest horizon,--HORIZON已經在地球盡頭了﹐不需farthest 一詞﹐BEYOND多餘
Upward! Up another storey!
(翁顯良)丙等

On the Stork Tower 登字是動詞﹐沒譯出
As daylight fades away along the hill, 意思與原文出入太大
The Yellow River flows into the sea. 這句確切
To look for views of a thousand li away,--AWAY多餘
Go mounting another storey of the Tower--GO多餘
(Translator unknown)丙等

題缺
The white sun sets behind mountains.依山未譯出﹐BEHIND不妥
The yellow River flows into the sea.這句確切﹐但Y 沒大寫
Go further up one flight of stairs.
And you'll widen your view a thousand Li.意思不錯﹐句序顛倒了
(雅紫軒)丙-

AT HERON LODGE題錯譯
Mountains cover the white sun, 知道動詞COVER的意思嗎﹖大錯
And oceans drain the golden river黃﹐不是金色
But you widen your view three hundred miles 千里﹐不是三百。BUT不妥
By going up one flight of stairs.
(Translator unknown)丁等

On the stork tower登字是動詞﹐沒譯出
The sun along the mountain bows; BOW不是依山之意。ALONG在這裡什麼意思﹖
The yellow river seawards flows.
You will enjoy a grander sight;千里沒譯出
By climbing to a greater height.一層沒譯出
(Translator unknown)丙等

Ascends the stork building題中動詞不需S﹐名詞要大寫
Leaning on the mountains splendidly is the sinking sun--SPLENDIDLY多餘。LEANING雖有依的意思﹐並非上選﹐因含傾斜概念
Inpouring the ocean sublimely is the golden river--INPOURING非動詞。SUBLIMELY多餘。黃﹐不是金色
Craving to exhaust the thousand-mile prospect is your love太嚕囌
And you'll widen your view a thousand Li. THOUSAND重複
(小琪)丙等

Stepping up the Stork-Watchtower這個樓是Watchtower嗎﹖
The hilltop kissing the setting-sun, 依山盡﹐不是在山頂
The Yellow River flows to the ocean.
Stepping up a still higher building, 一層樓﹐不是building
You may enjoy the far sightseeing. 句序顛倒。千里未譯出
(朱曼華)丙等

Ascending Guanque Tower
The white sun behind the mountain falls,--FALL動作太快了吧。BEHIND不妥
The Yellow River into the seas flows.只有這句較確切
In order to take in a boundless view, 是千里﹐不是boundless
Ascend another floor.
（任治稷、余正）丙+

Ascending the Heron Tower--HERON不是鸛雀
The sun behind the western hills glows,--GLOW不是依山。BEHIND不妥。
And toward the sea the Yellow River flows.入海﹐不是TOWARD
Wish you an endless view to cheer your eyes? 千里﹐不是endless。後半部份多餘
Then one more story mount and higher rise.重複
（蔡廷干）丙-

Atop the Stork Pavilion Lookout譯題不確切
From the pavilion one sees the sun setting behind the mountains,不確切﹐又嚕囌
Unrelentingly towards the sea the Yellow River flows;入海不是TOWARDS﹐Unrelentingly多餘
In order to see thousands of miles further afield,
To a higher level one must go.
(南緯28°) 丙等

(說明﹕以上各譯文是從網上錄下﹐如有謬誤﹐請知者告之以便更正。)

本人譯如下﹕
Up On Stork Tower
The setting sun clings to hill's knees,--CLING有依偎之意﹐日落將盡﹐應在山坡處﹐也可用SLOPE
And Yellow River flows to seas.
If wish for longer view over a thousand miles,
Then get on floor above.
現在換種譯法﹕
The setting sun clings to the hillside,
The Yellow River flows into the sea.
If wish for a sight over a thousand li,
Then go up on one more floor.


4) 評孟浩然“春曉”26種英譯﹕

春眠不覺曉﹐處處聞啼鳥。夜來風雨聲﹐花落知多少﹖
（翻譯原則是要簡潔確切達意﹐才是水平。別人要用8個詞翻譯的一句﹐你能用7個詞譯出來﹐你的水平比別人高。你能用6個詞確切達意地譯出來﹐你的水平更高。別看少一個詞﹐其難度不是多一個層次。而隨意翻譯﹐學過幾年英文的人就能做到﹐何須由自稱是翻譯家者來做。隨意翻譯實際上是在另一種語言裡的改寫﹐不是翻譯。）

A Morning in Spring
In spring I sleep unaware morning is here;不簡潔
Ah from far and near trilling songbirds I hear.--AH多餘
In the pitter patter of wind and rain last night,--LAST NIGHT是昨夜﹐不是一夜
How many blossoms fallen? Not few, I fear﹗後半部多餘。
(黃宏發)丙等

Spring Morn
Spring slumbers unaware of morn, 這像中文說法
All around one hears the birds' call.
Last night, the sound of wind and rain, 昨夜不是一夜。結構有缺陷
How many fallen flowers accounted for?
（任治稷、余正）丙等

A Spring Morning
I awake light-hearted this morning of spring,--HIGH-LIGHTED多餘
Everywhere round me the singing of birds—ROUND ME多餘
But now I remember the night, the storm,
And I wonder how many blossoms were broken.-- I 一詞可省
（Witter Bynner、江亢虎）丙等

Dawning in the Spring
I slept soundly in the spring,春眠。SOUNDLY多餘
Unconscious of the day dawning.不覺曉
漏譯“處處聞啼鳥”。
In the night I heard the sound of wind and rain,
I don't know how many flowers have fallen.
(張炳星)丁等

A Spring Morning
This morning of spring in bed I'm lying. “不覺”漏譯
Not woke up till I hear birds crying. “處處”沒譯
After a night of wind and showers--SHOWER是否時間較短﹖
How many are the fallen flowers?
另一譯文﹕
Spring Morning
Easily overslept is spring morning!不確切
There are birds around me singing.--AROUND ME不是處處
The wind blew with a little rain last night,--昨夜不是一夜。A LITTLE RAIN﹖
And how many flowers be beaten might!
(許淵沖)丙等

Spring Morning
I wake up late after dawn in spring,“不覺”沒譯。LATE多餘
And hear birds everywhere singing;
But the noise of wind and rain worried me:--WORRIES ME多餘
How many flowers beaten last night might be!--LAST NIGHT放錯地方
另一譯文﹕
I waking up from the early spring morning,--I 後應該用WAKE
The song of the birds helps me rise.錯譯
For last night the storms meant disaster,
And how many things were lost to its wrath?是花﹐不是THINGS
(徐東逸﹐許之外孫﹐當時乃美國小學六年級學生)孩子翻譯不評分

One Morning in Spring
Late? This spring morning as I awake I know, 不確切
All around me the birds are crying,crying.不確切
The storm last night,I sensed its fury.也不確切
How many, I wonder, are fallen, poor dear flowers? 不確切
(translator unknown)丙-

Spring Morning
I woke up when a spring morning was almost gone, 錯譯。剛曉﹐不是GONE
And from all sides each bird sings a merry song.不確切
Last night the rain spattered and wind blustered; 昨夜不是一夜
I wonder how many flowers have fallen down.
(陳君朴)丙-

Spring Morning
The spring morning comes before I realize--“眠”沒譯
Birds are heard singing all around
Wind and rain come and go during the night
No one knows how many flowers have fallen down不簡潔
(嚴驍)丙+

Spring Morning
Asleep, senseless of spring morning, 是春眠﹐不是春晨
I heard birds everywhere singing.
The stormy night made so much noise, 後半不需要
How many flowers dropped, who knows?
(朱曼華)丙等

Spring dawn
Sleeping not knowing it's morning. “春”在哪裡﹖
Birds are singing here and there.
Sounds of raining and winding came, “一夜”漏譯
I wonder how many fallen flowers are there.
(translator unknown)丙等

Spring Dream 不是春夢
Dream in spring morning never breaks 不是原文意思
but birds talk vocally around my place 不確切。VOCALLY多餘
They say the fallen flowers everywhere 錯譯
Because last night wind and rain staying late 也錯譯。句序顛倒
(Danielbox )丁等

In spring “曉”字漏譯
One sleeps and wakes up to find it is already day, 不簡潔
Hear birds singing everywhere. 應該用HEARS﹐接上句主語ONE
Patter of rain of wind comes at night, 不能說of rain of wind
How much does the flower know to fall? 意思不對
(translator unknown)丙-

Waken on A Spring Morning 原文題中沒有WAKEN之意
I can barely wake up in spring slumber, 錯譯
As the chirping of birds is heard there and here.
Last night came a stormy rain, 昨夜不是一夜
To try to count the fallen petals would be in vain. 不確切
(translator unknown)丙-

At Dream in Spring 無“夢”之意﹐沒譯“曉”
Slept so well I didn't know it was dawn 沒譯“春”
birds singing in every countyard woke me up 錯譯
the wind and rain troubled my dream last night 不確切
I think of all those petals swept to the ground 不確切
(translator unknown)丁等

Spring Morning
I slept so well, not knowing spring dawn's here, 不確切
Awakened by birds singing everywhere. 錯譯
All through last night there were strong winds and showers. 不是SHOWER
Do you know the number of  fallen flowers?
(translator unknown)丙-

In drowsy spring I slept until daybreak, --DROWSY﹐SLEPT重複
When the birds cry here and there， I awake。 後半多餘
Last night l heard a sound of wind and rain。 昨夜不是一夜
How many blossoms have fallen again？原文沒AGAIN之意
(translator unknown)丙等

The Spring Dawn
Slumbering, I know not the spring dawn is peeping.不確切
But everywhere the singing birds are cheeping.重複
Last night I heard the rain dripping and the wind weeping.不確切
How many petals were now on the ground sleeping.譯過頭了
(載郭著章、傅惠生編《千家詩》英漢對照)丙等

Spring Dawn
Oversleeping in spring I missed the dawn;不覺﹖
Now everywhere the cries of birds are heard.
Tumult of wind and rain had filled the night---
How many blossoms fell during the storm?後半意思不在原文裡
(張廷琛、魏博思)丙等

At Dawn in Spring--AT多餘
Spring has risers fewer at dawn不知所云
While notes of birds are heard around.
After a stormy night, the morn
Finds fallen flowers strewn aground!不確切
(translator unknown) 丙等

Buds found shaken in Spring morning前半多餘
Day has now broken,
My dream unwoven.
But Spring is now here
And birds' cry so clear.
Had I not slept so sound
A sleep and snored,
I should have known
How it had blown
And it had poured.亂譯。不知所云
(bj譯 )丁等

A Morn in Spring
It's after dawn when I awoke this morn in spring;不確切
Then everywhere around me I heard birds all sing.太嚕囌
I now recall the sound of big storm late at night;--LATE原文沒有
How many flowers would have been blown to ground in sight?--IN SIGHT多餘
(王大濂)丙等

Spring Dawn
Spring morn dawns; yet in sound sleep I'm not aware不確切
Upon waking up, I hear many a bird sing everywhere.前半不在原文裡
The wind blows and raindrops patter through the night
O, who knows how many fallen petals will be in sight!--O多餘。IN  SIGHT原文沒有
(Yuntian)丙等

Spring Morning
Spring morning arrives unnoticed in my slumber, 春眠﹐不是春晨
Till I hear birds twittering everywhere.--TILL多餘
It springs to mind a storm raged through overnight, 不需前半。THROUGH多餘
Off it blew how many flowers I wonder?
(南緯28°) 丙等

本人譯文﹕
Dawn in Spring
Sleep in spring, unaware of dawning﹔
Then hear birds everywhere sing。
As sounded the wind and rain overnight﹐
I wonder how many blossoms alight。


5) 評孟浩然《宿建德江》15種英譯﹕

移舟泊煙渚，日暮客愁新。 野曠天低樹，江清月近人。
（這次翻譯以外國人的居多﹐看看外國人是怎麼譯的。特別請注意句子是否完整。如果外國人能譯成不完整句子﹐說明不完整句子是不錯的。希望以後討論能達到一定水平。不能按低水平來討論較深的問題。）

Night on the Great River 是建德江。“宿”字漏譯
Steering my little boat towards a misty islet, “泊”字漏譯
I watch the sun descend while my sorrows grow: 原文沒有“我看”之意。“新”字漏譯。
In the vast night the sky hangs lower than the treetops, 理解錯誤。低於樹﹐天在哪裡了﹖NIGHT 多餘。
But in the blue lake the moon is coming close. “人”字漏譯。
（Carlos Williams）丁等

Night on the Great River 是建德江。“宿”字漏譯
We anchor the boat alongside a hazy island. “移”字漏譯
As the sun sets I am overwhelmed with nostalgia. “客愁”未必是“鄉愁”。
The plain stretches away without limit.
The sky is just above the tree tops. 應該是一行
The river flows quietly by.
The moon comes down amongst men. 是“近人”
（Kenneth Rexroth）丙-

Mooring on Chien-te River 停泊不等於宿
The boat rocks at anchor by the misty island 原文沒搖動之意。“移”字漏譯
Sunset, my loneliness comes again. 錯譯
In these vast wilds the sky arches down to the trees. 於原文表達有出入﹐但還可以
In the clear river water, the moon draws near. “人”字漏譯
（Gary Snyder） 丁等

Passing the Night on a River in Jiande 不簡潔
I guide my boat to mooring by a misty islet, 要麼TO THE MOORING﹐作名詞﹐要麼去掉-ING。
With the setting sun, a traveler's sorrows revive.
Wilds so vast, the sky stoops to the trees; 於原文表達有出入﹐但還可以
The river so clear, moon close to man. 注意這句沒謂語。MOON前也沒THE。按某些人理解﹐都是語法錯誤。
（Paul Kroll ）丙等

未找到譯題
I steer my boat to anchor by the mist-clad river﹐“渚”未譯
And mourn the dying day that brings me nearer to my fate. 錯譯
Across the woodland wild I see the sky lean on the trees ,前半譯錯﹐後半於原文表達有出入﹐但還可以。
While close to hand the mirror moon floats on the shining streams. 不簡潔。意思有出入。
(Herbert A. Giles) (1898)丁+

未找到譯題
Our boat by the mist-covered islet we tied. “移”字漏譯
The sorrows of absence the sunset brings back. 錯譯
Low breasting the foliage the sky loomed black. 與原文有出入
The river is bright with the moon at our side. 有出入
(W. J . B. Fletcher) (1919)丁等

未找到譯題
While my little boat moves on its mooring mist , 有出入
And daylight wanes , old memories begin. . . 記憶不是愁。客﹑新﹐漏譯。
How wide the world was , how close the trees to heaven ! 是“野”﹐不是世界。
And how clear in the water the nearness of the moon ! “人”字漏譯。
(Witter Bynner) (1920)丙等

未找到譯題
At dusk I moored my boat on the banks of the river ; 大有出入
With the oncoming of night my friend is depressed ; 錯譯
Heaven itself seems to cover over the gloomy trees of the wide fields. 錯譯
Only the moon , shining on the river , is near man.
(Arthur Christy) (1929)丁等

未找到譯題
I move my boat and anchor in the mists off an islet ;
With the setting sun the traveler's heart grows melancholy once more. 太不簡潔
On every side is a desolate expanse of water ;
Somewhere the sky comes down to the trees 有出入
And the clear water reflects a neighboring moon. 有出入
(Soame Jenyns) (1944)丙等

未找到譯題
Moving boat , mooring , smoke-shore. 三者間的聯繫未表達
Sun darkening : new sadness of traveler. 簡潔
Wilderness , sky lowering trees. 錯譯
Limpid river : moon nearing man. 有出入。再看看這句的主謂語情況如何。所以不懂別以為什麼都懂。
(translator unknown)(1975 ?)丙等

未找到譯題
Boat moves to moor mid shore-smoke. 有出入
Sun sinks. Traveler feels fresh sadness. 簡潔。
Wilderness
　　　　　Sky
　　　　　　　Low trees 表達不清。這句不是更明顯嗎﹖
　　　　　　　　　　　　Limpid river
Moon nears man. 表達不清
(translator unknown)(1975 ?)丙等

未找到譯題
A boat slows , moors by beach-run in smoke. 有出入
Sun fades : a traveler's sorrow freshens.
Open wilderness.
Wide sky.
A stretch of low trees. 表達不清
Limpid river.
Clear moon close to man. 表達不清。
(translator unknown)(1975 ?)丙等

A Night Mooring on Jiande River “宿”字漏譯
My boat is moved to moor by misty islet sands; SANDS多餘
There comes again at dusk my gloom in foreign lands. 原文沒異鄉的說法
The sky drops down below treetops in wild expanse; 錯譯
On lucid stream the shadow of moon kisses man's. 有出入
(王大濂)丙等

A NIGHT-MOORING ON THE JIANDE RIVER “宿”字漏譯﹐因為宿指人﹐泊指舟
While my little boat moves on its mooring of mist，大有出入
And daylight wanes， old memories begin……後半譯錯
How wide the world was， how close the trees to heaven，“野”不是世界
And how clear in the water the nearness of the moon！有出入
(translator unknown)丙等

Mooring on the River at Jian De “宿”字漏譯
My boat is moored near an isle in mist gray, “移”字漏譯
I'm grieved anew to see the parting day. 後半多餘。“日暮”漏譯。
On boundless plain trees seem to touch the sky;
In water clear the moon appears so nigh. “人”字漏譯
(許淵沖)丙等

本人譯文“
Lodge on Jiande River
Moving the boat to moor at the misty shoal,
As sun's setting, the tourist has new sorrows.
With fields so vast, the sky seems as low as trees;
With river so clear, the moon looks to me so close.


6) 評王維“送元二使安西”10 種英譯﹕

渭城朝雨浥輕塵﹐客舍青青柳色新。勸君更盡一杯酒﹐西出陽關無故人。

A Song At Weicheng 有的版本題為“渭城曲”
A morning-rain has settled the dust in Weicheng; “輕”字漏譯
Willows are green again in the tavern dooryard 原文無again﹐也未說在dooryard
Wait till we empty one more cup – 意思有出入, “勸君”漏譯
West of Yang Gate there'll be no old friends. GATE無關隘之意
(Witter Bynner )丙+

A POEM OF DEPARTURE 錯譯
Light rain is on the light dust 漏譯“渭城”
The willows of the inn-yard
Will be going greener and greener,應該一行。意思有出入
But you, Sir, had better take wine ere your departure, 意思有出入
For you will have no friends about you--ABOUT  YOU 多餘
When you come to the gates of Go. 意思大有出入
(Ezra Pound) 丁等

Poem of Farewell 錯譯
Morning rain on Wei's city 不需 's
Falls in the soft dust. 應該一行。Falls 與“浥”意思不同
Green. The courtyard willows.
Green leaves. The newest. 漏譯“客舍”﹐結構按排不妥
But you must drink deeper. DEEPER什麼意思﹖
Again, one more cup? 不用 ﹖號
Out west where you go 漏譯“陽關”
What friendship there? 不該用問句
(translator unknown) 丁等

Seeing Yuan the Second Off on a Mission to Anxi不是Mission
A morning shower in Weicheng has settled the light dust;
The willows by the hostel are fresh and green;
Come, drink one more cup of wine, “勸君”漏譯
West of the pass you will meet no more old friends. “陽”字漏譯
(translator unknown) 乙-

Wei City Song
Wei City morning rain 結構不妥 dampens the light dust.
By this inn, green, newly green willows. (這是外國人譯的﹐句中也沒謂語。凡認為譯詩裡必須句子完整的同志看一下)
I urge you to drink another cup of wine;
West of Yang Pass, are no old friends.
(Mike O'Connor) 乙-

Song of Wei City
In Wei City, morning rain dampens light dust.
Around the inn, green on green--new willows fresh.
I urge you, drink down one more cup of wine.
Out west, past Yang Pass, you'll find no old friends. 可簡潔
(translator unknown) 乙+

Good-bye to Yuan the Second on His Going 有出入
In Wei city the morning rain has settled the light dust
At the inn it is green with the new willow leaves
I beg you to drink down another cup of wine
You're going out west of the frontier “陽關”漏譯
and you have no friend there. 不簡潔。該作一行。
(translator unknown) 丙+

Seeing off Yuan'er on a Mission to Anxi 不是Mission
Morning rain dampens the dust in Weicheng
New willow catkins turn an inn green 原文無catkins之意。後半錯譯
Drink one more cup of wine my friend
West of Yang Pass there's no one you know 意思略有出入
(Bill Porter) 丙+

Song of Wei Town (Farewell to Yuan Er on His Mission to Anxi) 不是Mission
Morning mizzles in Wei Town, its dustiness cleansed so clean, 不必重復
Green, oh green are the taverns in the willows' new-born sheen. 可簡潔
To wine, my friend, I urge you: one further cup we will drain, for 可簡潔。FOR 不應放這裡
West beyond the Yang Pass, old friends will no more be seen. 可簡潔
(黃宏發) 丙等

A FAREWELL SONG 無此中文題
No dust is raised on pathways wet with morning rain;太嚕囌。pathways多餘。漏譯“渭城”
The willows by the tavern look so fresh and green.
I would like to ask you to drink a cup of wine again;不簡潔。
West of Sunny Pass no more friends will be seen. SUNNY用錯。至少該用名詞。
(translator unknown) 丙-

本人譯文
See YuanEr Off To Be Prefect in Anxi
The morning rain in Wei Town moistens light dust;
The inn looks green amid willow trees fresh.
I beg you to take one more cup of wine,
For West of Yang Pass, no old friends seen.


7) 評(唐)李涉“登山”2 種英譯

終日昏昏醉夢間﹐忽聞春盡強登山。因過竹院逢僧話﹐又得浮生半日閑。

Climbing a Mountain  
All day I feel lost as drunk or in a dream 是醉夢間﹐不是“或”
Then I hear spring is over and force myself to climb 不是“強迫”﹐是“勉強”
Passing a bamboo courtyard I meet a monk and talk
And spend another afternoon beyond this floating life “閑”字漏譯。半日未必是下午。BEYOND何意﹖
(Bill Porter)丙等

Mountain-Climbing
All the day long living in dream or drunk in wine, 是醉夢間﹐不是“或”
I force myself to mount when end the spring days fine. 不是“強迫”﹐是“勉強”
Passing by the temple I talk with monks with pleasure, 是“竹院﹖”﹐不是廟
Again I pass half a day of my life in leisure.
(translator unknown) 丙等

本人譯文﹕
Clamber the Mountain
I'm drowsy between drunk and dream for all day long;
Manage to climb the mountain, hearing spring is gone. MANAGE才是正確的詞
As passing bamboo yard, I meet and talk to a monk,
And get in floating life another half-day's leisure.


8) 評(唐)張繼“楓橋夜泊”7 種英譯﹕

月落烏啼霜滿天﹐江楓漁火對愁眠。姑蘇城外寒山寺﹐夜半鐘聲到客船。

Anchored Overnight at Maple Bridge  
Crows caw the moon set frost fills the sky 中間應該用逗號
River maples fishing fires care-plagued sleep 中間應該用逗號。FIRE指燈火不妥
Coming from Cold Mountain Temple outside the Suzhou wall--WALL多餘
The sound of the midnight bell reaches a traveler's boat 整首詩不夠簡潔
(Bill Porter) 乙

Moored for the Night by the Maple Bridge
The moon is down, ravens caw, a frostiness fills the sky;
By the riverside maples and fishing lights, sad, insomnious I lie. 原文沒失眠之意
Beyond the walls of Gusu City, where Hanshan Monastery stands,
Bong, goes the bell at midnight to touch the boat of the passer-by. 整首詩不簡潔
(黃宏發) 乙-

題缺
The crows crying, the moon lost in the frost-sky, 何來LOST之意
Asleep I feel sad with the maples in fishing light. 不確切
Outside Gusu the Cold-Hill Temple stands upright,--UPRIGHT多餘
Her bell tone reaching my boat at mid-night.
(朱曼華)丙等

A Night Mooring by the Maple Bridge
The moon drooped low and crows cawed in the frosty sky,
Staring at riverside maple trees and lights on fishing boats is my melancholy sleeplessness. 太長。原文無失眠之意
From the Cold Mountain Temple in the Suzhou environs
Came the midnight toll all the way to visitors' boats telling time. 不簡潔。不是喪鐘﹐telling time多餘
(南緯28°) 丙等

A NIGHT-MOORING NEAR MAPLE BRIDGE
While I watch the moon go down, a crow caws through the frost; 不確切
Under the shadows of maple-trees a fisherman moves with his torch; 錯譯
And I hear, from beyond Suzhou, from the temple on Cold Mountain, 不簡潔
Ringing for me, here in my boat, the midnight bell. 鐘非為我敲
(translator unknown) 丙-

Maple Bridge Night Mooring不能用中文詞序
Moon set, a crow caws, frost fills the sky,--SET缺S
River, maple, fishing-fires cross my troubled sleep. 不能這麼譯的
Beyond the walls of Su-chou from cold Mountain temple,
The midnight bell sounds reach my boat.
(Gary Snyder) 丙等

MOORING BY MAPLE BRIDGE AT NIGHT
At moonset cry the crows, streaking the frosty sky;
Dimly lit fishing boats  'neath maples sadly lie. 不是船LIE
Beyond the city walls, from Temple of Cold Hill 漏譯姑蘇
Bells break the ship-borne roamer's dream and midnight still. 不確切
(translator unknown)丙等

本人譯文﹕
Anchoring by Maple Bridge at Night
The moon sets, crows caw and frost all over the sky;
With riverside maples, fishermen's lamps, I sleep in woe.
From Cold Mountain Temple outside City Gusu,
Comes the midnight bell to the traveler's boat.


9) 評(宋)王安石“梅花”3 種英譯

牆角數枝梅﹐凌寒獨自開。遙知不是雪﹐為有暗香來。

Plum Blossoms
There are a few plum trees in the corner of garden; 不一定是園牆角
They bloom alone in the struggle against severe cold. 原文沒STRUGGLE之意
You know from far they're white blossoms instead of snow 不確切
Because of their faint fragrance flowing through the air. 太不簡潔
(曾沖明)丙等

Plum Blossoms
A few plum twigs at the corner of the wall 用TWIGS不妥
Blossoming all alone, defying the cold!
Even from afar they cannot be mistaken for snow,
For a delicate fragrance comes wafting with the breeze. 原文沒提風
(文殊、王晉熙、鄧炎昌) 丙+

MUME BLOSSOMS----MUME?
At the wall corner mume trees grow;
Against the cold they bloom apart.--APART用得不確
How could we know they are not snow?原文不是問句
For fragrance unseen they impart.唯一可取是簡潔
(translator unknown)丙+

本人譯文﹕
Plum Blossoms
At a wall corner some plum trees grow;
Alone against cold their blossoms blow.
Aloof one knows they aren't the snow,
As faint through air soft fragrances flow.


10) 評(唐)王昌齡“閨怨”7 種英譯

閨中少婦不知愁， 春日凝妝上翠樓。 忽見陌頭楊柳色， 悔教夫婿覓封侯。

IN HER QUIET WINDOW 不確切
Too young to have learned what sorrow means, 不確切
Attired for spring, she climbs to her high chamber.
The new green of the street-willows is wounding her heart 亂譯
Just for a title she sent him to war. 不確切
(translator unknown)丁+

SORROW OF A YOUNG 不確切
Nothing in her boudoir brings sorrow to the bride;表達不妥
She mounts the tower, gaily dressed, on a spring day.
Suddenly seeing the willows green by the roadside,
How she regrets her lord seeking fame far away!是覓封侯﹐不僅是名望
(translator unknown)丙等

Remorse in a Boudoir
The young noble lady never knows any sorrows;--NOBLE多餘
Gaily dressed in spring, she looks through windows. 後半錯譯
She suddenly regrets goading her man to hunt fame
When she catches sight of green wayside willows. 行序顛倒了
(來自“唐詩宋詞英譯”)丙等

Bedchamber Regret
There was a young woman in her bedchamber who had not a thing to worry, 太不簡潔
On a spring day she dressed up to visit a fine edifice. 是登樓
A sudden glance of fresh willowy banks on the wayside 不簡潔
Made her regret ever urging her husband to pursue high office. 不確切
(南緯28°)丙等

Regret 漏譯閨字
A lady fair that nothing knows of care 顛倒不妥
In bright array
On a springtime day 不能如此分行
Mounts to the tower of her leaf-emerald bower. 後半多餘
Sudden she sees the wayside willow trees 該用SUDDENLY
In light hues clad:
And her heart is sad, 這兩行多餘
She bade her lord win glory of the sword. 不確切
(John Turner )丁等

In the Spring 題錯譯
Within the peaceful chamber, no care the maid oppressed; 不簡潔
Until the verdant Tower she climbed one springtide, gaily dressed. 不需UNTIL
The stir of sprouting foliage beyond the street she saw. 前半錯譯
Regret she'd sent her love to fame rose swelling in her breast. 後半不知所云
(W. Fletcher)丁等

Sorrow of a Young Bride in Her Boudoir不簡潔
Nothing in her boudoir bring sorrow to the bride, 不確切, 該用BRINGS
She mounts the tower, gaily dressed on a spring day,
Suddenly seeing the green willow by the roadside,
She signs for her husband seeking fame far away. 是SIGH吧。覓封侯呢﹖
(許淵沖)丙等

本人譯文﹕
Remorse  in Boudoir
The young wife in her chamber who knows no sorrow,
Mounts emerald tower, dressed fully on a spring day.
All at once she sees the green of roadside willow,
Regrets letting her man seek marquisate far away.


11) 評(唐)王翰“涼州詞”6 種英譯

葡萄美酒夜光杯， 欲飲琵琶馬上催。 醉臥沙場君莫笑， 古來征戰幾人回。

A SONG OF LIANGZHOU
They sing, they drain their cups of jade, 亂譯
They strum on horseback their guitars. 亂譯
Why laugh when they fall asleep drunk on the sand ? 是沙場﹐不是在沙上。不是問句
How many soldiers ever come home? 不確切
(translator unknown)丁等

STARTING FOR THE FRONT 錯譯
With wine of grapes the cups of jades would glow at night;夜光杯是一個名詞。錯譯
Drinking to pipa songs, we are summoned to fight.原文沒有SONG。錯譯。
Don't laugh if we lay drunken on the battleground!君字漏譯
How many warriors ever came back safe and sound?古來漏譯
(translator unknown)丁等

Song of Liangzhou
A grape wine so fine, a cup that gleams at night;後半錯譯
To drink on I'd love, but for the call to fight. [Let's drink and be merry! Guitars on horseback invite.(revised 7.2.11)] [To drink and be merry, the pipas on horseback invite. (revised 8.2.11)]都譯得非常不確切
Jeer not, oh sneer not, if in battle drunken I lie; [Jeer not, oh sneer not, if in battle drunk I lie;(revised 4.2.11)] [Cheer not, oh jeer not, if in battle drunk I lie; (revised 8.2.11)]不是IN BATTLE。這是低級錯誤。
How many, we soldiers, ever came home all right?漏譯古來
(黃宏發)丁等

A REASON FAIR 亂譯
'Tis night: the grape-juice mantles high in cups of gold galore; 亂譯
We set to drink,-- but now the bugle sounds to horse once more.是馬上催﹐不是催上馬。
Oh, marvel not if drunken we lie strewed about the plain;不確切
How few of all who seek the fight shall e'er come bank again!不確切。整首不簡潔
(Herbert A. Giles)丁等

Liangzhou Verses
Fine red wine glitters in a jade chalice that glows in the night, 後半錯譯
Before I could drink it come lyre notes giving orders to mount the horse. 是馬上催﹐不是催上馬。錯譯
Laugh not, I pray you, at my tipsiness that may see me fall drunk on the battlefield, 太嚕囌
For how many have been able to return in the history of war? 不確切
(南緯28°)丙-

題缺
Wine of the grape from the cups that glow in the night 後半錯譯
We long to drink but the pipa urgently summons. 後半錯譯
If we lie drunk on the battlefield, don't mock us friend:
Since the old days, how many fighters ever got back? 不夠簡潔
(高農﹑張仲良)丙等

本人譯文﹕
A Verse Of Liangzhou
The delicious grape wine in gleaming Night-Hue Cups;
About to drink, the lute played to urge by players on horses.
Don't you laugh, if drunken we lie down on the battlefields,
For since old time how few return alive from wars!


12) 評(唐)李白“黃鶴樓送孟浩然之廣陵”5 種英譯

故人西辭黃鶴樓， 煙花三月下揚州。 孤帆遠影碧空盡， 惟見長江天際流。

A FAREWELL TO MENG HAORAN ON HIS WAY TO YANGZHOU 不確切
You have left me behind, old friend, at the Yellow Crane Terrace, 不確切
On your way to visit Yangzhou in the misty month of flowers; 是在三月
Your sail, a single shadow, becomes one with the blue sky, 盡字沒譯出來
Till now I see only the river, on its way to heaven. 是長江。流字漏譯
(translator unknown)丁等

SEEING MENG HAORAN OFF AT YELLOW CRANE TOWER 漏譯“之廣陵”
My friend had left the west where the Yollow Crane towers,錯譯
For River Town green with willows and red with flowers.亂譯
His lessening sail is lost in the boundless blue sky,不夠確切
Where I see but the endless River rolling by.亂譯
(許淵沖)丁等

At the Yellow Crane Tower to Bid Meng Haoran Bon Voyage to Guangling
At the Yellow Crane Tower, my friend, to the west you said goodbye; 後半錯譯
In this misty, flowery glorious spring, downstream for Yangzhou you ply. 是三月
A speck, a silhouette, your solitary sail, toward the verdant hills receding, till 亂譯。
My eyes but descry the grand Long River, rolling to the verge of the sky. 亂譯
(黃宏發)丁等

Seeing Meng Haoran Off from Yellow Crane Tower 漏譯“之廣陵”
At Yellow Crane Tower in the west
My old friend says farewell;應該是一行
In the mist and flowers of spring是三月
He goes down to Yangzhou;
Lonely sail, distant shadow,
Vanish in blue emptiness;不確切
All I see is the great river是長江
Flowing into the far horizon.
（來自中國文學出版社所編資料）丙等

A Farewell Song to Meng Haoran at Yellow Crane Tower漏譯“之廣陵”
From west Crane Tower my friend is on his way 不確切
Down to Yangzhou in misty, flowery May. 是三月
A sail's faint figure dots the blue sky's end不確切
Where seen but River rolling till its bend.不確切
（王大濂 譯）丙-

本人譯文﹕
See Meng Haoran off to Guangling in Yellow Crane Tower
To Yellow Crane Tower in west my friend now says goodbye,
And heading down for Yangzhou in misty and flowery March.
The distant shadow of a lonely sail's melting into the end of blue sky,
Seen only the Yangtze River flowing under horizontal arch.


13) 評王昌齡“出塞”3 種英譯

秦時明月漢時關， 萬里長征人未還。 但使龍城飛將在， 不教胡馬渡陰山。

OVER THE BORDER
The moon goes back to the time of Qin, the wall to the time of Han, 不確切。見下面分析
And the road our troops are traveling goes back three hundred miles 錯譯
Oh, for the Winged General at the Dragon City -- 不確切
That never a Tartar horseman might cross the Yin Mountains! 不很確切
(梧桐鳳舞)丙-

Out of a Frontier Fortress 不確切
The same moon and the same pass as in Han and Qin, 見下面分析
Yet fighters from afar have not chalked up a win.不確切
Would that the Winged General Li were now still 翻譯裡不能這樣分行
Living, to drive Hun horsemen off Mountain Yin!不確切
(陳君朴)丙-

Over the Border
The same moon of ancient Qin also shined on the same fort of historic Han, 不確切。見下面分析
Hardly any made a return from thousand-league marching expedition.
If only the Winged General of Han were around to fight the township of Basilisk, 不簡潔
The barbarians and their horses would never have dared to cross the Mountains of Yin. 不簡潔
(南緯28°)丙+

本人譯文﹕
Across the Pass
Under the moon of Qin or at the pass of Han,
Those, fighting myriad miles away, not return yet.
The "flying" general of Dragon City, if still here,
Wouldn't let Tartar cavalry cross Mt. Yin.

說明﹕秦時的明月與漢時的關之間應該沒什麼直接關係﹐它們都與下句有關。說明在不同時代不同情況下﹐都有人萬里長征而未還。第三句可以譯成﹕If the flying general of Dragon City were still here, He wouldn't let ... 但現在譯文更簡潔。雖然省掉了were﹐沒人會誤解這不是虛擬句。要譯得比這個更簡潔恐怕不可能了。所以翻譯只要達意即可﹐決不必拘泥於一般語法規則。詩有自己的規律。


14) 評王之渙“出塞”2 種英譯

黃河遠上白雲間， 一片孤城萬仞山。 羌笛何須怨楊柳， 春風不度玉門關。

BEYOND THE BORDER
Where a yellow river climbs to the white clouds, 不確切
Near the one city-wall among ten-thousand-foot mountains, 不確切
A Tartar under the willows is lamenting on his flute 錯譯
That spring never blows to him through the Jade Pass----TO HIM 多餘
(translator unknown)丙-

Over the Border
The Yellow River into the clouds winds and undulates, 不確切
One lone township lies among towering mountain ranges.
Why play the lamenting Willow Ballad on your Jiang flutes,  
When you know the Gate of Jade spring and barrenness separates. 不確切
(南緯28°)丙+

本人譯文﹕
Across the Pass
The Yellow River looks far up in white clouds,
The single town among hills myriad feet high.
Tartar flute mustn't play plaintive tune of "Willow Snapping",
Since the spring wind never crossing the Jade Gate Pass.

總結﹕本人收集評論了許多中外人士翻譯的古人詩﹐也看到過許多譯詩﹐雖然沒有全部收集評論。本人只能對這些譯詩得出如下結論﹕按簡潔確切達意原則看﹐基本沒有能達到這個標準的譯詩。還沒有談及節奏感問題。要把古人詩詞英譯好﹐得有兩個條件﹕對古人詩詞須有深切造詣﹔對英文寫譯要有較高水平。現在看到的譯詩至少反映出﹕要麼對古人詩的理解不透﹐要麼英文寫譯水平不夠﹐才會出這樣那樣的問題。有的簡直按自己的意思亂譯﹐與原文意思大相徑庭。像這樣譯詩﹐豈非褻瀆古人﹐誤導後學。自上一代教授學者謝世之後﹐中國這方面人才已經青黃不接﹐人才斷代。這一代的教授學者都去做什麼了﹖不好好進修﹐提高水平。現在可見的水平只是一般性基礎性的。而網上所見﹐屬於熱鬧性玩耍性的。就是書面出版物也是功利性吹捧性的。沒有了嚴肅性上進性。是不可嘆孰可嘆歟。如果對此有不同見解﹐請勿只說些攻擊性的空話廢話。請拿出高水平的作品﹐無論詩詞古文寫作翻譯﹐英語詩文寫作翻譯﹐以改變本人對目前普遍低水平的印象。

下面是古文英譯評析﹕

1) 評范仲淹“岳陽樓記”5 種英譯﹕

(譯詩已經評論了好幾次。現在收集幾篇古文翻譯來分析評論。詩與文章寫法不一樣﹐翻譯當然也不一樣。老實說﹐翻譯古文比翻譯詩詞難多了﹐假定兩者都無語言障礙﹐即都在譯者可理解的範圍內﹐因而譯文的好壞就只反映譯者的英文表達水平。翻譯原則當然仍是要求簡潔確切達意。還要注意語氣的銜接﹐閱讀時的節奏感。)

慶歷四年春，滕子京謫守巴陵郡。越明年，政通人和，百廢俱興。乃重修岳陽樓，增其舊制，刻唐賢、今人詩賦于其上，屬予作文以記之。
予觀夫巴陵胜狀，在洞庭一湖。銜遠山，吞長江，浩浩湯湯，橫無際涯；朝暉夕陰，氣象萬千；此則岳陽樓之大觀也。前人之述備矣。然則北通巫峽，南極瀟湘，遷客騷人，多會於此；覽物之情，得無異乎？
若夫霪雨霏霏，連月不開；陰風怒號，濁浪排空；日星隱耀，山岳潛形；商旅不行，檣傾楫摧；薄暮冥冥，虎嘯猿啼；登斯樓也，則有去國怀鄉，憂讒畏譏，滿目蕭然，感極而悲者矣。
至若春和景明，波瀾不驚，上下天光，一碧萬頃，沙鷗翔集，錦鱗游泳，岸芷汀蘭，鬱鬱青青。而或長煙一空，皓月千里，浮光躍金，靜影沉璧，漁歌互答，此樂何極！登斯樓也，則有心曠神怡，寵辱皆忘，把酒臨風，其喜洋洋者矣。
嗟夫！予嘗求古仁人之心，或異二者之為。何哉？不以物喜，不以己悲。居廟堂之高，則憂其民；處江湖之遠，則憂其君。是進亦憂，退亦憂；然則何時而樂耶？其必曰：先天下之憂而憂，后天下之樂而樂歟！噫！微斯人，吾誰與歸！時六年九月十五日。

Yueyang Pavilion “記”字漏譯

In the spring of the fourth year of the reign of Qingli, Teng Zijing was banished from the capital to be governor of Baling Prefecture. After he had governed the district for a year, the administration became efficient, the people became united, and all things that had fallen into disrepair were given a new lease on life. Then he restored Yueyang Pavilion, adding new splendor to the original structure and having inscribed on it poems by famous men of the Tang Dynasty as well as the present time. And he asked me to write an essay to commemorate this.
慶歷如作年號處理﹐前面不用reign一詞﹐如指皇帝﹐須用Emperor Qingli。翻譯要中規中矩﹐不能處理不當。滕不是流放﹐不能用BANISH一詞﹐用詞錯誤﹐須用DEMOTE。Prefecture的長官應該是Prefect。越明年﹐說NEXT YEAR就行﹐不必這麼長的句子。不能簡潔表達﹐說明水平問題。政通者﹐政事上下溝通無阻礙。人和者﹐人們之間和睦相處沒矛盾。此處翻譯未確切。“記”字指“記敘”﹐不是“記念”。最後三詞多餘的。
Now I have found that the finest sights of Baling are concentrated in the region of Lake Dongting. Dongting, nibbling at the distant hills and gulping down the Yangtze River, strikes all beholders as vast and infinite, presenting a scene of boundless variety; and this is the superb view from Yueyang Pavilion. All this has been described in full by writers of earlier ages. However, since the lake is linked with Wu Gorge in the north and extends to the Xiao and Xiang rivers in the south, many exiles and wandering poets gather here and their reactions to these sights vary greatly.
第二個洞庭無必要重複。銜遠山以下四句﹐語氣應該承上而來﹐中間不該斷句。凡英譯中斷句者﹐皆未得古文之精要。nibbling不是銜之意。strikes後太嚕囌。“朝暉夕陰，气象萬千”漏譯。遷客不是流放者。用詞不當。最後句原文語氣沒譯出來。
During a period of incessant rain, when a spell of bad weather continues for more than a month, when louring winds bellow angrily, tumultuous waves hurl themselves against the sky, sun and stars hide their light, hills and mountains disappear, merchants have to halt in the travels, masts collapse and oars splinter, the day darkens and the roars of tigers and howls of monkeys are heard, if men come to this pavilion with a longing for home in their hearts or nursing a feeling of bitterness because of taunts and slander, they may find the sight depressing and fall prey to agitation or despair.
結構安排尚可﹐唯沒與原文對應。又不夠簡潔。if men come to 沒有“登斯樓也”的語氣。且come to不是登之意。感極而悲者矣﹐沒譯確切。
But during mild and bright spring weather, then the waves are unruffled and the azure translucence above and below stretches before your eyes for myriads of li, when the water-birds fly down to congregate on the sands and fish with scales like glimmering silk disport themselves in the water, when the iris and orchids on the banks grow luxuriant and green; or when dusk falls over this vast expanse and bright moon casts its light a thousand li, when the rolling waves glitter like gold and silent shadows in the water glimmer like jade, and the fishermen sing to each other for sheer joy, then men coming up to this pavilion may feel complete freedom of heart and ease of spirit, forgetting every worldly gain or setback, to hold their winecups in the breeze in absolute elation, delighted with life.
四字句譯法﹐在英文中用平行句才好。四字句沒譯確切。如before your eyes多餘。在DURING引導的短語後面﹐不需要用THEN一詞。長煙一空漏譯。靜影指水裡月影。沒譯出來。這裡的靜﹐不是SILENT﹐沒有聲音。是靜止不動之意。用詞不當。此樂何極﹐沒譯好。最後句語氣沒譯好。
But again when I consider the men of old who possessed true humanity, they seem to have responded quite differently. The reason, perhaps, may be this: natural beauty was not enough to make them happy, nor their own situation enough to make them sad. When such men are high in the government or at court, their first concern is for the people; when they retire to distant streams and lakes, their first concern is for their sovereign. Thus they worry both when in office and when in retirement. When, then, can they enjoy themselves in life? No doubt they are concerned before anyone else and enjoy themselves only after everyone else finds enjoyment. Surely these are the men in whose footsteps I should follow!
原文沒有AGAIN之意。“何哉？不以物喜，不以己悲。”翻譯不確切。in the government or at court重複了。in life多餘。文尾漏譯。總之﹕翻譯太平淡﹐沒有氣勢。不夠簡潔確切。以兩譯者之水平﹐不應如此。只能實事求是評之。
（楊憲益、戴乃迭）

Yueyang Pavilion“記”字漏譯

In the spring of the fourth year of the Qingli period, Teng Zijing was relegated to the position of the prefect of Baling. The following year witnessed a great change there in terms of the smooth conduct of government and the harmonious human relations as well as the resumption of a great many neglected undertakings. Thus Yueyang Pavilion was rebuilt on a scale larger than before and was graced with the inscriptions of the poems and rhythmic prose of the Tang and contemporary celebrities. I was requested to write something to mark the event.
意思還可以﹐但與原文不對應﹐失去原文氣勢。是重修﹐不是重造。措辭不當。“增其舊制”沒譯好。something用得很不好。
In my view, the grandeur of Baling lies only in Lake Dongting, which looks as if it were holding in its mouth the distant mountains and gulping down the Yangtse River. Boundless and marvellous, it presents in the morning sunshine and the evening twilight a most gorgeous spectacle. This is the general view from the pavilion, already described in full by our predecessors. However, since the lake connects with the Wu Gorge in the north and ends at the Xiao and Xiang rivers in the south, many demoted or banished officials and literati often gather here. Can there be no shades of difference in their feelings when admiring the scenery?
“浩浩湯湯，橫無際涯”漏譯。下兩句譯得不確切。banished多餘。
If the continuous drizzle does not let up for several months on end, one can hear the bleak wind howling and see the turbid waves surging to the sky. The brilliance of the sun and the stars are eclipsed and the shapes of the mountains and hills become obscured. The merchants and travellers are stopped on their way, staying in boats with declined masts and broken oars, while the light being so dim at dusk, one can fancy tigers' roars and monkeys' gibbers. So the ascent to the pavilion is associated with the nostalgia in exile and the fear of slanders and taunts. Confronted with such disconsolate scenes, one is apt to be moved to the extreme and feel much saddened.
霪雨比drizzle大。原文沒說staying in boats。原文沒說one can fancy。exile用錯。
As for the days when spring weather is mile and sunny, nature is lit with a bright smile, and the waves being halcyon, the sky and the lake are tinged with the same hue, making up an infinitely huge canvas of light blue, on which white gulls are hovering in bevies and fish shimmering with silvery scales. And the lake shores adorned with irises and sandbars dotted with orchids are all enshrouded in a sweet and lush green. Sometimes the broad firmament is clear of all mist, a bright moon shines over the vast lake gleaming with a golden glow, and the moon's reflection in the watery mirror reminds one of a sunken jade. And then the fishermen's songs are heard to be echoing one another. What an unbounded joy! In such a case, ascent to the pavilion gives one a broadened mind and eased heart, with credit and discredit both forgotten. Holding a winecup in the wind, one is overflowing with happiness.
第一長句意思可以﹐不夠確切。mile應該是mild之誤吧。第二句自由發揮太多。第三句太嚕囌。原文一氣呵成之處﹐譯文也須一氣呵成﹐中間不能斷句。
Oh, I have tried to probe the souls of the noble ancients. Their feelings might differ from the above two. Why? Because they were not glad of things adventitious, or sad for the sake of themselves. Positioned high at court, they worried about the people. Banished to remote regions, they worried about their sovereigns. Thus they were carefree in neither case. Then, at what time would they feel happy? They were sure to say: "Worry before all others have worried, rejoice after all others have rejoiced." Who should I emulate, if not people of this type?
原文首兩句是一句。譯文不能分兩句﹐方能顯出過渡連接水平。原文是兩者之為﹐不是兩者之感。所以用feelings不確切。不能用Banished一詞。Thus句失去氣勢。emulate一詞不確切。總之﹕簡潔確切達意都有差距。沒有譯出原文氣勢。
（謝百魁）

The Story of Yoyang Tower 不是Story﹐是“記”

In the spring of the 4th year of Chi'in_Li, T'eng Tzu Ching was banished from the court by being made Governor of Pa Ling prefecture. After one year order and peace was re-established and everything that had fallen into negligence was reinstalled. Then work was started to have the Yoyang Tower rebuilt and enlarged; and after poems of the worthies of the T’ang period and of our own contemporaries were engraved upon it, I was requested to write the story.
banished用錯。prefecture的長官是prefect。越明年﹐ 不是一年後。“政通人和”沒譯好。重修不是rebuilt。最後句譯得太馬虎。不是Story﹐是“記”。英文中一個寫作原則是不要頭重腳輕﹐即主語太長﹐謂語及後面成份太短。這就是為什么有先行詞IT等的用法。
In my opinion the chief feature of Pa Ling lies in this Tung Ting Lake. Immeasurable and boundless it adjoins the distant mountains and takes in the Yangtse River; and during fine morning and cloudy evening it presents ten thousand changes in its appearance. This is the grand view of the Yoyang Tower, of which former writers have left nothing unsaid. So north from the WU Gorges and south to the sources of the Hsiao Hsiang rivers most exiles and poets gather here; and how can they help being impressed with the changing views before their eyes?
“銜遠山----橫無際涯”譯得沒氣勢。“北通巫峽，南極瀟湘”說的是洞庭湖。但從翻譯看﹐似乎說的是遷客騷人來自這兩處。至於洞庭湖是否南接瀟湘的源頭﹐原文沒說。exiles用錯。最後兩句錯譯。非原文意思。
To illustrate, it may rain continually for months without a break, when the gloomy wind howls and the muddy waves threaten the heavens, the sun and the stars hide their faces and the mountains make no appearance, the traders halt in their journey, and sails fall and oars, break, it gets dark before the night falls, and the tigers roar and monkeys scream. If a man ascends the tower during such a season, he will feel homesick, apprehend calumny and fear criticism; and as he looks over the sad view, he will weep for extreme agitation.
To illustrate不是若夫之意。原文的四字排比句是一氣貫下的﹐英文翻譯不能中間斷句﹐但只用逗號分開句子﹐沒有適當的連接詞﹐氣勢不能貫下。當然﹐如果斷句就更不對了。agitation不是悲的意思。
But when the gentle spring returns with her congenial warmth, the scenery becomes clear and the waves are no longer frightful, the sunshine fills up the space up and down and all is blue over thousands of acres, the sand gulls fly together and the fine-scaled fish swim, the angelica on the bank and orchid on the islets are all luxuriant and blue; or when the expanse of the sky is free from clouds and the bright moon shines thousands of miles, floating lights glister like gold and the still shadows quiver like sinking precious stones, and the fishermen sing one to another with songs — there is no end to such joy! If a man ascends the tower during such seasons, he will feel his heart opened and his spirit delighted, forgetting both honour and dishonor, and when he faces the wind with wine-cup in hand his joy is overflowing.
“至若春和景明，波瀾不驚”句譯得不平衡。當原文是平衡的﹐譯文亦須平衡﹐才能達到文學性。“上下天光”譯錯。“靜影沉璧”錯譯。
Alas! I often find in ancient times men of benevolence think differently from both of these. Why is it? They neither rejoiced for external things, nor did they lament for themselves. When they were in high position at the court, they were concerned for the people; and when they retired to the remote rivers and lakes, they were concerned for the sovereign. They were concerned both while in office and out of office. Then when would they be joyous? The answer must be: "They would be concerned before the world became concerned; but they would be joyous only after the world became joyous." Alas! Whom should I follow but such men?
concerned both句意思沒表達好。WHILE多餘。concerned不是憂之意。文尾漏譯。總之﹕錯譯不少。且沒譯出原文氣勢。讀上去覺得平淡。
（潘正英）

The Yueyang Tower 漏譯“記”字

In the spring of the fourth year of Qingli (1), Teng Zijing (2) was exiled to Baling Prefecture (3) to be the prefect there. In the second year of his office, because of his excellent administration, people lived in peace and contentment, and all previous neglected matters were taken care of. The Yueyang Tower was renovated and enlarged, and inscribed on its wall were the poetry and the rhymed prose of learned men of the Tang and the present dynasty. I was invited to record this restoration effort in writing.
exiled用錯。第二句前半錯譯。“政通人和”指全國範圍﹐不專指這個地方。“增其舊制”譯得太簡單。最後句不簡潔。invited不妥。
The beauty of Baling centers round the Dongting Lake, which h

　　成名易，履薄冰難矣。