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    【中译英】卧龙《秋雨》
    秋雨

        卧龙

    你轻轻走近
    我低矮的屋檐
    羞涩地敲打
    我寂寞的窗台
    我捧起你轻盈的躯体
    你却瞬间
    消散在我苍白的记忆里

    Autumn Rain

    you draw softly near
    my eaves low
    to lash coyly against
    my solitary window-sill
    i take your graceful body
    but you instantly
    disperse in my bleak memory



                                              Tr.Wo Long

    4 评论

    your word order is not correct.  forget rhyme for the time being, till you can do it better.  just correct your word order in the following:

    you draw softly near
    my eaves low
    to lash coyly against
    my solitary window-sill
    i take your graceful body
    but you instantly
    disperse in my bleak memory

    by wo long

    if you use gracefully, it means that you take sth  gracefully. that's not what in your Chinese line.

    海外逸士